Love and hate being alone

[Hopeless]

I love being alone since I just feel truly comfortable and I can do anything without worrying about what people think. The thing I hate about being alone is i usually get bored quick and then a feeling of Loneliness hits me and I can’t even distract myself due to my inability to leave home due to my parent assuming the worst which might lead to the house being surrounded by cameras . So then I lay in bed making sure to face the wall so I don’t have to see the empty space that could have been filled in by someone then I try to sleep which Is extremely difficult while feeling lonely I also feel a longing for someone these thoughts haunt me for hours till I eventually sleep.