Get Help

[Bookshelf]

If you've ever seen a discussion on MAPs in public, you'll always see the same thing. Something along the lines of, "Pedophiles that don't offend aren't a problem as long as they get help."

It's repeated enough that people somehow believe that help exists. In reality however, it's just something people say so that when they tell you to kill yourself, they don't feel so bad — because after all, if you just get help, you wouldn't be such a bad guy! Let's assume you're trying to live a virtuous life, and seek help. What kind of help is available?

Pretend for a moment that you're a man living in the UK, and one day you realize that you're thinking of children in icky ways. Desperate to not act out, you head online and you search for help. One of the first links you might come across is an organization called StopSO UK. Great! They'll help you! You just have to.. wait hold on..

There are practically no NHS services available for people who have, or might, commit sexual offences. Access to professional support and help is limited and most therapists don’t want to work with these clients.

Ah...
This'll be tricky.

Don't worry though. StopSO UK recognize that there are no officially supported paths to help, so they offer their own help. Just contact them and they'll...

As StopSO is unfunded, we are unable to offer a free service. There will be a charge for therapy per session.

Ah... again. You'll get charged about £50-100 per session. So assuming your thoughts are lifelong, you'll probably be out a few thousand before you're in a "stable" spot. I'm sure it's worth it though. Let's look at some of the resources they have so we can get a clear view of their values, so we can get an idea of what you can expect to get in therapy. I'm sure it's useful— aaaand it's just anti-porn.

Covid-19 Lockdown, Internet Pornography, and the Risk of Sexual Offending

In short, you're free to read the site, but their resources go into talking about how porn can lead to you viewing CSAM. So if you're struggling with thoughts about children.. don't watch.. adult porn? I guess?

Right, not a great resource. What else is there for the humble MAP? Fortunately on your search for help, you might come across Stop It Now. This site actually has a helpline and an online chat (although only available a few hours a day...). For the sake of proving this is a totally reliable resource that any struggling MAP can contact, I decided to go through the process of contacting them. When I got in touch with— wait, I never got in touch with anyone. The phone rang out and the online chat gave me a message saying there were no operators available. I'm sure they pick up sometimes, and I'm sure that'll be when you're struggling the most and really on the verge of it. Just trust us! Get help and all that.

Meanwhile, you can browse their online support services, where they offer some fantastic self help services. Now— many of these don't actually have anything to do with being a MAP. There's a module teaching you how to be careful of "immediate gratification", as if that's relevant to a non-offending MAP that has to go a lifetime without any real gratification.

They have this informative section on fantasies and how you can manage them when they become a problem. They give a strong criteria on when a fantasy becomes a problem, such as:

you use fantasy to deal with a situation rather than resolving the problem itself

Wait hold on. What does "resolving the problem itself" mean in the context of fantasizing about a child? Let's scroll the rest of the page... huh, it doesn't say.

Right let's try another module. We'll find a useful one soon enough I bet! They have this fantastic piece of advice on how you can live with a sexual interest in children:

Create a mental image of a compassionate friend, whether real or imaginary. Visualize their appearance, demeanour, and how they interact with you. Breathe deeply and slowly, then engage in a conversation with this friend about your worries or struggles. Consider the advice they would offer, their tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. Jot down your thoughts, feelings, and the advice provided by your compassionate friend.

Excuse me, what the fuck? Stop It Now's advice for MAPs struggling with an attraction to children is to have a schizophrenic conversation with an imaginary friend and pretend you're getting good advice.

... Anyway. I don't know about you guys, but I sure feel like I got help. Just follow this guide and you too can control your own thoughts and feelings! help not guaranteed; refunds not available

[TayFerret]

Stop It Now's advice for MAPs struggling with an attraction to children is to have a schizophrenic conversation with an imaginary friend and pretend you're getting good advice.

I do this, but my imaginary friend is a fox woman who is also a MAP and has sex with fox cubs. :3

[Scorchingwilde]

As StopSO is unfunded, we are unable to offer a free service. There will be a charge for therapy per session.

Ah... again. You'll get charged about £50-100 per session. So assuming your thoughts are lifelong, you'll probably be out a few thousand before you're in a "stable" spot. I'm sure it's worth it though. Let's look at some of the resources they have so we can get a clear view of their values, so we can get an idea of what you can expect to get in therapy. I'm sure it's useful— aaaand it's just anti-porn.

Covid-19 Lockdown, Internet Pornography, and the Risk of Sexual Offending

In short, you're free to read the site, but their resources go into talking about how porn can lead to you viewing CSAM. So if you're struggling with thoughts about children.. don't watch.. adult porn? I guess?

Right, not a great resource. What else is there for the humble MAP? Fortunately on your search for help, you might come across Stop It Now. This site actually has a helpline and an online chat (although only available a few hours a day...). For the sake of proving this is a totally reliable resource that any struggling MAP can contact, I decided to go through the process of contacting them. When I got in touch with— wait, I never got in touch with anyone. The phone rang out and the online chat gave me a message saying there were no operators available. I'm sure they pick up sometimes, and I'm sure that'll be when you're struggling the most and really on the verge of it. Just trust us! Get help and all that.

Meanwhile, you can browse their online support services, where they offer some fantastic self help services. Now— many of these don't actually have anything to do with being a MAP. There's a module teaching you how to be careful of "immediate gratification", as if that's relevant to a non-offending MAP that has to go a lifetime without any real gratification.

They have this informative section on fantasies and how you can manage them when they become a problem. They give a strong criteria on when a fantasy becomes a problem, such as:

you use fantasy to deal with a situation rather than resolving the problem itself

Wait hold on. What does "resolving the problem itself" mean in the context of fantasizing about a child? Let's scroll the rest of the page... huh, it doesn't say.

This is an excellent point. So many anti-contact services 'offering help' to MAPs are just using the same techniques used for managing poor impulse control and violent thoughts/fantasies, which are entirely inappropriate even if you were to believe in the anti-C myths of inherent harm. For a MAP who's overly restrained or has great self control, these are entirely useless and even counterproductive. Being nonexclusive and queer, this kind of advice would put me in the position of cognitive dissonance about my attraction to adults. Why is conversion therapy, "resolving the problem itself" rather than coping through fantasy, okay in the context of fantasizing about a minor, but inherently harmful when it comes to my attraction and fantasies about adults of the same gender and gender nonconforming adults? Why is it that adult porn is a dangerous and slippery slope to seeking out CSEM when on the other hand a lot of sex positive queer folks and feminists have talked at length about the association of pornography's availability and a decrease in sexual violence?

The normie resources that exist for people in crisis over their sexuality like these can only reinforce self-hatred in MAPs. What's worse (for the whole of the world, not just us) is that the contradictions in normative society's discourse about sexuality inherently pits anti-contact straight MAPs against out and proud queer "love is love" teliophiles. There's significant resentment between MAP communities and queer communities in the 21st century, and it keeps people who only belong to one camp or the other blaming each other for the problems people in power have used as excuses to persecute and repress all of our sexualities.

I don't think it's a coincidence that NAMBLA and the queer-MAP alliance was broken up in the 20th century near the same time as other radical organizations were facing active sabotage and assassinations by the CIA and other powerful agencies. Here's an illustrative example of how bigots divide and conquer in other contexts: Kevin Roberts, head of the white supremacist thinktank The Heritage Foundation, whose work has been propping up the patriarchy and supporting the removal women's rights and the rights of minorities, did his thesis on African American history. Specifically, he studied how extended, non-nuclear families' community support, as well as leadership from black women, was crucial to the fight for emancipation and survival in Virginia. Meanwhile, mainstream society supports the notion of patriarchal fatherhood being the means by which African Americans can 'pull themselves up by their bootstraps' - consider the demonization of the 'welfare queen' and the complaints about absent fathers racists bring up, and white feminism continues to go on about girlbosses and ignores poor women and the masses of nonwhite women who have always had to go to work in addition to being expected to take care of domestic and emotional labor. I could go on and on, but I hope I've made myself clear insofar as I think all these paradoxical societal double standards serve to divide us further from allies.

[OnionPetal]

[...] "Pedophiles that don't offend aren't a problem as long as they get help."

The real problem is allowing normies to define the problem. MAPs are mature enough to know when there is a problem that needs sorting all by themselves, without needing normies to weigh in and give their opinion on someone else's orientation.

Create a mental image of a compassionate friend, whether real or imaginary. Visualize their appearance, demeanour, and how they interact with you. Breathe deeply and slowly, then engage in a conversation with this friend about your worries or struggles. Consider the advice they would offer, their tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. Jot down your thoughts, feelings, and the advice provided by your compassionate friend.

Excuse me, what the fuck? Stop It Now's advice for MAPs struggling with an attraction to children is to have a schizophrenic conversation with an imaginary friend and pretend you're getting good advice. [...]

A good example of why psychology is bullsh!t.
Good post, Bookshelf.

[bnkywuv]

[...] "Pedophiles that don't offend aren't a problem as long as they get help."

The real problem is allowing normies to define the problem. MAPs are mature enough to know when there is a problem that needs sorting all by themselves, without needing normies to weigh in and give their opinion on someone else's orientation.

Create a mental image of a compassionate friend, whether real or imaginary. Visualize their appearance, demeanour, and how they interact with you. Breathe deeply and slowly, then engage in a conversation with this friend about your worries or struggles. Consider the advice they would offer, their tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. Jot down your thoughts, feelings, and the advice provided by your compassionate friend.

Excuse me, what the fuck? Stop It Now's advice for MAPs struggling with an attraction to children is to have a schizophrenic conversation with an imaginary friend and pretend you're getting good advice. [...]

A good example of why psychology is bullsh!t.
Good post, Bookshelf.

I have imaginary friends so it's so not weird to me, it's not schizophrenic (psychosis is very different from conjuring up an imaginary friend). But this method is admittedly very strange! It seems they're insisting that this will be a REPLACEMENT. It's NOT a replacement, and is NOT going to get rid of the feelings of attraction.

[bnkywuv]

The whole "get help" argument could be sued because most people know that if they did get help they'd be persecuted, outed to their family and have their lives destroyed.

If a nati (yes, my new term for antis) is telling you to get help what they really mean is tell everyone and ruin your life.

[Aspire6]

Most of the online resources I've seen, primarily from curious searching, just seem like an excuse to get funding for something else. Essentially claiming you offer help but are just giving someone an advertising brochure like that's going to help them if they actually are seeking assistance.

I don't like StopItNow, tries to be both sides at once. If it had to pick one, it'd probably pick the "all MAPs are bad" side.