How I went from radical Anti to radical pro C

[G@yWad69]

I went from thinking all pedophiles should be tortured and genocided and that even ageplay and lolicon are bad to thinking the age of consent should be abolished. Heres how I did it

1.Ive always been a MAP, at 10 I was attracted to toddlers, at 11 I masturbated to the Nirvana baby(speaking of which, how is that poster even legal? Its literally got a minors penis on there). Ive BEEN a pervert since day one. As a teenager I got put on a medication that stopped my sex drive for mental health reasons and got more immersed in antidom both online and in real life. I had trauma(nonsexual) from my childhood and convinced myself I was not a MAP and that my sexual fantisies towards babies and toddlers as a preteen was a result of “grooming” and “POCD”. I stopped the medication shortly after turning 18 and got my sex drive back. And god was I horny.

2.Despite convincing myself I was no longer a pedo on the medication, off of it children were increasingly becoming more and more beautiful. Daily I would work myself into panic attacks from fear of my “sexy thoughts”. I had rituals to distract myself from my “sexy thoughts” and was immensely distressed over these “intrusive thoughts.” I think I genuinely had POCD.

3. Turning 18 was a whiplash online. Suddenly people were accusing me of being a rapist/pedo/groomer for wanting to date 16 and 17 year olds despite it being a year and a half/year difference while simultaneously calling me an innocent victim for wanting to date older people in their 20s. On tiktok I was simultanously a predator for wanting to date other teenagers my age and a victim for wanting to date slightly older 20 year olds. Despite my “all pedos must die” mentallity. I thought that tiktokers were being dramatic and that age gaps like 19/16 and 20/17 were fine. I was called a pedo so many times for defending 18 and 19 year olds dating 16 and 17 year olds that it genuinely radiclized me to be more open to age gap relationships and move away from antiness. The worst ive heard was that 18 year olds should break up with their 17 year old girlfriends on tiktok because since they were now legal it was “grooming”. I saw Tall Knight get cancelled, bullied, and loose his rent money over being 19 and dating a 16 year old and was disturbed. I saw a video of a woman saying that 18 and 21 was pedophillia and grooming and was annoyed

3. I was into age regression but occasionaly found myself aroused. I was disturbed by this but thought it was the result of intrusive thoughts and repressed memories of grooming or AMSC and brushed it off. One day I came across an age play fanfic from my then favorite show and read it, I was instantly horny. I masturbated to it in shame.

4. I discovered an anti C on tumblr. She was very nice to me but very “anyone who has AMSC should be tortured and killed”, which would later turn me off, but in the moment was enticing. She was my first introduction to Mapness and humanized Maps for me. I went from “all pedos must die” to “some pedos must die.” And even though I currently hate anti Cs, I must admit they are doing a great job of humanizing SOME Maps, which will hopefully be better for us all.

5. I realized I related to her alot. I decided to try masturbating to lolicon to see if id like it. I did. I tried again to small children to see if id like it, I did. Its like a damn had been broken that day, suddenly I stopped seeing children as something to fear because they would trigger my “intrusive thoughts” and “POCD” as the beautiful sexy little creatures they are.

6.I was still anti C, but was disturbed by the self flagellation and constant death threats they would through out to pro Cs, and the rhetoric against age gap relationships was making less and less sense as I did more research. According to antis, everything was pedophillia. Wearing pink was pedophillia, acting cutesy was pdfillia, having a high pitched voice was p3d0f1li@, dating someone two years younger than you was “drake core”, liking certain cartoons made you a predator and thinking that minors should be allowed unrestricted internet access made you a gr00mer” the standards would get higher each time I went on tiktok. First pedophillia was an adult liking minors, then it was adults liking signaficantly younger adults in their late teens. Then it was adults in their early 20s liking adults in their late teens, then it was adults liking adults half their age but well into their 20s and 30s, then it was minors liking minors the same age as them. It got me thinking, “if every little thing is pedophillia, maybe pedophillia isnt that bad, if a grown adult wearing a diaper is just as harmful as a 7 year old giving a blowjob, maybe a 7 year old giving a blowjob isnt that bad?”

7. I did more research on Pro C websites and videos and forums and learned that sex isnt the evil boogeyman Antis and Anti Cs want it to be. That anti Cs were hypocrites for saying its ok to risk a child dying in a motor vehicle or swimming or playing contact sports but a child simply having a bad expiernce having sex warrants torture and mass genocide. That force is ok when beating children but gentle tough on their privates warrants yorture and mass genocide. That a kid is old enough to consent to being locked away for life and placed on the sex offender regristry but not old enough to consent to a blowjob. That kids understand their feelings when it comes to their gender and sexuality but not when it comes to the very fundamentals of gender and sexuality, sex. That 15 or 16 year old can have sex just fine with a 17 year old but if a day later the 17 year old turns 18 they'll have lifelong unrelenting trauma. That adults are supposed to teach children about their bodies and life but if they teach kids about sex, part of the human body and a part of life then they are evil groomers who must be mutilated. That the sentencing for murder is life in prison but the sentencing for giving a teenager a blowjob should be torture and mass genocide. That roleplaying with adults somehow hurts kids and adults need mass surveillance from the government to protect kids. That a kid will be fine with a handjob but if the handjobbing hand is slightly older than them the handjob will be traumatizing. That kids can understand protecting themselves from regular viruses but become braindead when protecting themselves from sexual viruses. That kids cant consent even though they do the very definition of consent EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. DAY.

8. The constant threat of torture and mass genocide and doxxing and death threats from anyone who even slightly disgareed with them(Antis and Anti Cs) or divulged from the norm and the hipocracy for what a child can and cannot consent to and constantly getting accusations of pedophillia and sent death threats from benine things like supporting a 19 year old dating someone two years younger than them radicalized me

9.TLDR. Turning 18 and being called a pedophile for liking 17 year olds made me go. “If being attracted to 17 year olds is just as bad as being attracted to 17 month olds, I might as well go back to liking babies” and stopped writing off my attractions as “POCD”

The funniest thing? All this happened in one year, 2024

[White sea Snow Elf]

You mentioned that you were threatened and abused by others because you fell in love with a 16-17 year old, which became one of the reasons why you became a MAP, which seems to be the reason why many MAPs have changed. The current social criticism of cross-age relationships is also the reason why some people turn to MAP, because many people feel hypocrisy in it.

[BLueRibbon]

Thank you for your story.

It's unfortunate that most MAPs first come across the anti-c community.

One of the main reasons for this forum's upcoming rebranding is to better compete with problematic communities like VirPed.

[Puerto Lobos]

ugh. awful you've had to endure so much shame to get here. That sounds so incredibly painful.

[aeterna91]

Brilliant explanation, as usual.

[Harlan]

Excellent.
I'd like to see this somewhere as a blog post or podcast.