Girllover, AoA: 4-13, prefer 11-13. Non-exclusive, but with main attraction to minors, had fell in love only with minors.
I realized I'm a MAP in 2017, after reading a topic related ebook (don't remember the name). Then I learned the story of Masha Babko. She is married now and very antipathic to MAPs. She is injured of society condemnation. She had made 3 suicide attempts when she was teen. From the way she's talking seems that her psyche is not ok.
I was a member on other forums, mostly on Nymphetomania, I left from there twice because of not good communication, partly my fault, but I didn't see a perspective for any serious project there.
MY LIFE
I was bullied from the first grade. Don't have friends, not socialized at all. After primary school I was transferred to a small religious school with no girls in my class.
I had an experience with a boylover from 10 to 15 y.o. He was tricking me for touching my genitals, was hugging me, nothing more. This was a negative experience for me, not as much as the mainstreem point of view claims, but I feel it worst because I had no other sexual experience in my life. I don't want to make a claim on this case, because I have libertarian views ans don't agree with the current punishment system. I would be fine with just a moral compensation. This boylover also gave me many good things, teahed me, was helping me in life. In some cases it's better to just forgive. I understand it was something that got out of his control. Except me he had another student with whom probably he did even more and till today they are in good relationship.
When I was 17 I fell in love with a 12 yo girl from the school, unrequited. I suffered from this for 5 years, then I tried to meet adults in dating groups on social media. But no success, because we were in different countries, no meetings in real life. In the country I live the culture is different, we are minority here. And I want to relocate. So I can only date people from other countries related to me.
From the age of 17 I started to own radical eating ideas: raw food diet, fruitarianism. Quickly I became vegan and stayed like this for many years. Later I started to use Soylent and other same drinks that replace meals. Finally I realized these all are eating disorder. Soylent is useful for traveling, but not as regular meal.
From the age of 15 my grades dropped, I finished school very difficulty, started university but couldn't continue, also I chose the wrong subject to study. I stayed closed in the house for years, exiting few times per month. I have porn addiction, habit of new info and news reading too much but not acting, and the last 2 years I had workaholism for making movies, it completely captured me. I started to see only negative things, sea and nature no longer made impression on me, and this led to terrible consequences: I planned the repairing of my house incorrectly and made wrong decision to sell it, sold it for a very low price, this amount is not enough to buy a new one. Now I don't have a house and there is a big issue where to live.
I suspect to have autism spectrum disorder, which was not noticed until recently. As I know some MAPs have autism, so it's interesting to make a research about this.
In other topics I will describe 8 cases starting from 2020 and present a media project I worked from 2022.
Misterix intro
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PorcelainLark
- Posts: 629
- Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2024 9:13 pm
Addition
My intro from a chat, some info repeated, will organize it later.
1. Give a brief introduction of yourself.
I'm a male straight non-binary non-exclusive pro-contact MAP, AoA 4-13, prefer 11-13. As an adult I felt in love only with teens, or combo daughter+mother, or adult girls whom I firstly saw as kids: actresses, singers, bloggers. Between my favorite artists are Brooke Shields and Anna Graceman. I fell in love easily only because of the beauty, without knowing the person. Some day I would like to start a relationship with an adult girl who understands and accepts MAPs. I didn't have any sex and friends in my life. Suspected to have disorder of autistic spectrum which had not been diagnosed in my childhood. In elementary school I suffered from bullying. I wanted to make friendships with girls from that time. At 12 I was moved to a small religious school primarily for boys. I couldn't make any friends there. I wanted to have a best friend, and as I understand now, I needed a girlfriend. But for some period a boylover teacher was meeting me and touching me. He tricked me, I was not understating what these touching mean. Now I understand that it was a kind of craziness and he couldn't control his desire (otherwise he wouldn't take such risk, he is a smart person and talented in his job). I forgive him and don't want to submit any charges. I learned from him many good stuff for my life. He had another student with whom he communicates till today. They are very good friends, I'm sure they are in a relationship. My performance at school fell down at the age of 15. I remained good in singing and piano, but learning became more difficult. I was grown up in a religious family and a closed community. Until 21 I didn't watch porn and didn't masturbated. After that age I started masturbating, but I didn't do it correctly, did it for many hours and after years I got pain and porn addiction, with chronic depression background, now trying to get rid of it. Without a partner and friends in real life it's really difficult. I'm not communicative, don't know how to meet people, what to speak about, and now it's nearly impossible, I have fear because of my MAP identity. I desire changes in society. The last 2 years I made some work on movies and songs editing and translation, that are related to our topic.
2. What does it mean to be a MAP/Pedophile to yourself, and or Ally to the MAP community?
Being a MAP is having good luck and bad luck at the same time to feel deep feelings to kids that most people don't feel, to see children as full-fledged people that have feelings, desires, and can enjoy sexual activities discovering the world of pleasures and exploring their bodies, learning to have relationships with others. It's about freedom, child rights, to be pioneer, progressive, scientific, in opposition to worldview with misconceptions and prejudices, religious morality.
Being in the MAP community firstly means that we can cooperate for fighting for our rights, destigmatisation and decriminalization. No change can be done without group work. Also community helps the beginners to understand they are not alone, there are many MAPs. Written online communication can't replace live communication, but it's better than anything. It's possible to be a best friend with someone only when coming out, but many of us don't take such risk. The numbers of online forums members are small, but this is because many MAPs don't know such forums exist, many of us have fear to register, or don't believe that something can change. We know that changes are being done by an active minority, we just need to reach minimum members number, get financing to establish NGOs and political parties, and then promote our views, trying to change people's mind about MAPS and about child's sexuality.
3. (Only applies if you’re a MAP) When did you discover that you were a Pedo/Map, and how did you feel upon discovering it?
I discovered my attraction at the age of 25, when I learned the story of Masha Babko, then I read a handbook telling about child's sexuality and that sexual activity can be not harmful but bring benefit, with so much love, joy, all the deep feelings. I felt that I like it. First the attraction was for girls at puberty (11-13), after some years it expanded to younger girls from the age of 4.
My first love was at 8 for a 5 y.o. girl, without any activity. Then when I was 17 I felt in love with a 12 y.o. girl. No activity, unrequited. After that I didn't fell in love for very long period, until several cases of felling in love with teens via internet after watching their vlogs, without any chance to be mutual, and fortunately without any communication with them.
I accepted myself in a positive way but later I started to feel heavy negative feelings about being in self-isolation from the society, lack of communication, loneliness, no friends and no partner, in what idiotic and cruel world we live, I can't reveal my identity to anyone, inability to find a good job (for other reasons), fear and anxiety, suicidal thoughts and planning (excluded for now, but I support the right to die).
4. Have you ever participated in such a community?
Yes, in 2017 I registered on couple of forums, then again in 2021 for more time for discussions. But there aren't any activism projects. Now I'm registered on all known MAP discussing forums and Mastodon networks.
5. Do you believe that mutually desired sex between minors and adults is inherently harmful?
No, it's not. The harm comes from society's misunderstanding, non-acceptance and hate. Need to set up a new system of laws regulating child-adult relationships based on scientific research, taking into account all aspects, including psychology and sociology, revision of the sexual consent definition, what activities fits every age, incest, boylover males and koreophile females, the right way of behavior in child-adult relationships, what to do with nepiophilia. Need to cancel 18+ laws about sex hiding and public nudity. Need regulation of commercial market.
6. How motivated are you to do MAP activism?
Very motivated. It's the main goal of my life. Many times motivation falls because I'm alone and I afraid that all time I spent will be in vain, also I'm very tired and haven't seen any result yet, but I understand that we as pioneers experience very great difficulties, this is a long way, previous activists worked for decades with no result, but we must keep going in any case, trying to grow up our community and engage more people, so we can establish NGO's for rights fighting and support, as well as political parties in some democratic countries.
7. Would you be willing to dedicate at least 30 minutes of your time per week for activism?
Of course. I've already spent much more in the last 2 years, full time videos editing and translation. 5 years work is done in 2 years. It should be a team work. I will seek help from the MAP community and elsewhere so we can have these movies and songs done more quickly. I'm very tired and sad, I took a wrong decision and lost my house, I need to care for my mental and physical health, so I will be less active in the next some time, but not stopping activity.
8. Please tell us about all your talents which could be relevant in supporting our activism. For example, video editing, creating posters/memes, scientific research, programming, etc...
My main skills are video editing, subtitles and translation to several languages I know. I have a little experience with Wordpress websites. Also I'm planning to write articles explaining why the mainstream point of view is wrong, telling the truth about MAPs, and trying to develop a new regulation system. In the future I would like to start an international federation of NGO's and new political parties.
1. Give a brief introduction of yourself.I'm a male straight non-binary non-exclusive pro-contact MAP, AoA 4-13, prefer 11-13. As an adult I felt in love only with teens, or combo daughter+mother, or adult girls whom I firstly saw as kids: actresses, singers, bloggers. Between my favorite artists are Brooke Shields and Anna Graceman. I fell in love easily only because of the beauty, without knowing the person. Some day I would like to start a relationship with an adult girl who understands and accepts MAPs. I didn't have any sex and friends in my life. Suspected to have disorder of autistic spectrum which had not been diagnosed in my childhood. In elementary school I suffered from bullying. I wanted to make friendships with girls from that time. At 12 I was moved to a small religious school primarily for boys. I couldn't make any friends there. I wanted to have a best friend, and as I understand now, I needed a girlfriend. But for some period a boylover teacher was meeting me and touching me. He tricked me, I was not understating what these touching mean. Now I understand that it was a kind of craziness and he couldn't control his desire (otherwise he wouldn't take such risk, he is a smart person and talented in his job). I forgive him and don't want to submit any charges. I learned from him many good stuff for my life. He had another student with whom he communicates till today. They are very good friends, I'm sure they are in a relationship. My performance at school fell down at the age of 15. I remained good in singing and piano, but learning became more difficult. I was grown up in a religious family and a closed community. Until 21 I didn't watch porn and didn't masturbated. After that age I started masturbating, but I didn't do it correctly, did it for many hours and after years I got pain and porn addiction, with chronic depression background, now trying to get rid of it. Without a partner and friends in real life it's really difficult. I'm not communicative, don't know how to meet people, what to speak about, and now it's nearly impossible, I have fear because of my MAP identity. I desire changes in society. The last 2 years I made some work on movies and songs editing and translation, that are related to our topic.
2. What does it mean to be a MAP/Pedophile to yourself, and or Ally to the MAP community?Being a MAP is having good luck and bad luck at the same time to feel deep feelings to kids that most people don't feel, to see children as full-fledged people that have feelings, desires, and can enjoy sexual activities discovering the world of pleasures and exploring their bodies, learning to have relationships with others. It's about freedom, child rights, to be pioneer, progressive, scientific, in opposition to worldview with misconceptions and prejudices, religious morality.
Being in the MAP community firstly means that we can cooperate for fighting for our rights, destigmatisation and decriminalization. No change can be done without group work. Also community helps the beginners to understand they are not alone, there are many MAPs. Written online communication can't replace live communication, but it's better than anything. It's possible to be a best friend with someone only when coming out, but many of us don't take such risk. The numbers of online forums members are small, but this is because many MAPs don't know such forums exist, many of us have fear to register, or don't believe that something can change. We know that changes are being done by an active minority, we just need to reach minimum members number, get financing to establish NGOs and political parties, and then promote our views, trying to change people's mind about MAPS and about child's sexuality.
3. (Only applies if you’re a MAP) When did you discover that you were a Pedo/Map, and how did you feel upon discovering it?I discovered my attraction at the age of 25, when I learned the story of Masha Babko, then I read a handbook telling about child's sexuality and that sexual activity can be not harmful but bring benefit, with so much love, joy, all the deep feelings. I felt that I like it. First the attraction was for girls at puberty (11-13), after some years it expanded to younger girls from the age of 4.
My first love was at 8 for a 5 y.o. girl, without any activity. Then when I was 17 I felt in love with a 12 y.o. girl. No activity, unrequited. After that I didn't fell in love for very long period, until several cases of felling in love with teens via internet after watching their vlogs, without any chance to be mutual, and fortunately without any communication with them.
I accepted myself in a positive way but later I started to feel heavy negative feelings about being in self-isolation from the society, lack of communication, loneliness, no friends and no partner, in what idiotic and cruel world we live, I can't reveal my identity to anyone, inability to find a good job (for other reasons), fear and anxiety, suicidal thoughts and planning (excluded for now, but I support the right to die).
4. Have you ever participated in such a community?Yes, in 2017 I registered on couple of forums, then again in 2021 for more time for discussions. But there aren't any activism projects. Now I'm registered on all known MAP discussing forums and Mastodon networks.
5. Do you believe that mutually desired sex between minors and adults is inherently harmful?
No, it's not. The harm comes from society's misunderstanding, non-acceptance and hate. Need to set up a new system of laws regulating child-adult relationships based on scientific research, taking into account all aspects, including psychology and sociology, revision of the sexual consent definition, what activities fits every age, incest, boylover males and koreophile females, the right way of behavior in child-adult relationships, what to do with nepiophilia. Need to cancel 18+ laws about sex hiding and public nudity. Need regulation of commercial market.
6. How motivated are you to do MAP activism?Very motivated. It's the main goal of my life. Many times motivation falls because I'm alone and I afraid that all time I spent will be in vain, also I'm very tired and haven't seen any result yet, but I understand that we as pioneers experience very great difficulties, this is a long way, previous activists worked for decades with no result, but we must keep going in any case, trying to grow up our community and engage more people, so we can establish NGO's for rights fighting and support, as well as political parties in some democratic countries.
7. Would you be willing to dedicate at least 30 minutes of your time per week for activism?
Of course. I've already spent much more in the last 2 years, full time videos editing and translation. 5 years work is done in 2 years. It should be a team work. I will seek help from the MAP community and elsewhere so we can have these movies and songs done more quickly. I'm very tired and sad, I took a wrong decision and lost my house, I need to care for my mental and physical health, so I will be less active in the next some time, but not stopping activity.
8. Please tell us about all your talents which could be relevant in supporting our activism. For example, video editing, creating posters/memes, scientific research, programming, etc...My main skills are video editing, subtitles and translation to several languages I know. I have a little experience with Wordpress websites. Also I'm planning to write articles explaining why the mainstream point of view is wrong, telling the truth about MAPs, and trying to develop a new regulation system. In the future I would like to start an international federation of NGO's and new political parties.
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RoosterDance
- Posts: 251
- Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2024 3:27 am
Re: Misterix intro
Welcome Misterix and thank you for sharing your esperience.
I'm interested in seeing these videos you've created. If you don't mind sharing?
I'm interested in seeing these videos you've created. If you don't mind sharing?