Non-exclusive MAPs, does your connection with minors affect your connection with adults?

[BLueRibbon]

I'm an exclusive MAP, but as regards platonic friendships with adults...

I would say yes, but I'm not sure that it's inherent. Having to cover up my MAP orientation definitely creates a sense of disconnection from other adults.

It's a shame, because like you I'm a hyper-analyzer and overthinker. Sometimes it would be nice to connect with similar people for really in-depth conversations, but well, that's not really possible when you have to hide the fact that you're a MAP.

Most adults seem to like me enough. It's generally me rejecting them, or rather keeping them at a distance because maintaining a charade is just exhausting for someone who would prefer to be brutally honest.

[PorcelainLark]

I prefer more spontaneous, easy-going adults; personality traits that appeal to me in children appeal to me in adults. Same with appearances, the more an adult looks like a child the more attractive they are: bright eyes, short stature.

[bluestater]

It deinitely does. My MAPdom only applies to males in an exclusive way, meaning I can be attracted to adult women, and in fact I was married for eight years, and engaged for awhile after my marriage didn't work out. Now that I am 50 I have decided that I could not be with a woman who does not accept the fact that I'm emotionally a CL also, which narrows down the range of possibilities quite a bit. And I can never get very comfortable around people who I know to be hostile to the general concept of child sexuality.

[PorcelainLark]

I prefer more spontaneous, easy-going adults; personality traits that appeal to me in children appeal to me in adults. Same with appearances, the more an adult looks like a child the more attractive they are: bright eyes, short stature.

Would you feel guilty for pursuing adults with those childlike traits? I am hesitant to pursue people who share superficial traits with objects (ex. dark shiny skin resembles the black lacquer of a cane) because, once they find out, they would accuse me of fetishising their skin colour. Hell, they might even say I am objectifying them. I have seen people criticise others for pursuing youthful partners, saying that they are only interested because the partner is of a legal age yet appears under-aged. I believe this is a problem non-exclusive paraphiles face. Our paraphilia affects our 'normative' sexuality. Normies cannot reconcile that, and shame us for it.

Morally, I don't really feel guilty about it. My concerns are more about how it might impact my life further down the line. If you feel guilty about objectifying people, I'm sorry I don't really relate. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but could I ask? Do actually feel guilty about objectification, or do you feel obligated to talk about it? There's a lot of stuff which feels abstract and disconnected from tangible emotional experience to me, and guilt over objectification doesn't feel real to me somehow. Sorry if that sounds dismissive, I want to be respectful, even though I have my doubts about that particular emotional experience.

[xeon]

In terms of non-sexual relationships it definitely affects them due having to hide it, feeling like I will never be able to truly be open to someone because of it, and not feeling comfortable around people when they say anti things.

I don't know that it effects what I like sexually in adults much though. I am an exclusive pedo/nepiophile when it come to girls, but I am non-exclusive when it comes to boys/men. What I find attractive in adult men couldn't be much more opposite to that of what I like in little boys. I like big strong hairy men in their late 30's and 40's when it comes to adults, but those traits would be very unattractive to me in little kids. What I find sexually attractive in kids are mostly just same kinds of traits teleios would find 'cute'. Or really I just all of the traits typical of a toddler- small body, cute face, hairless body, smooth skin, small baby hands, and a childish innocent personality. In children I also prefer longer messy blond hair, where as with adult men I prefer shorter darker hair (though for the most part I don't really care about the color of adult hair). I am also a very kinky person in general and many (but definitely not all) of the kink related things I like with adult men I don't care for in children. I do have a bit of a kink for adults age playing as babies/little kids though.

[Not Forever]

[...]

Maybe it’s just the way I see things, but I’ve always thought that selfishness and objectification are constants in all relationships, even if in different shades or amounts, with different margins of tolerance.

Even being attracted to someone’s personality is, to me, a kind of objectification, because we like their reactions, their movements, the way they speak, carry themselves, and so on. And the moment a partner says they’re from an exotic country, that element gets fetishized. You sleep with a French person? With an Italian? I think it’s natural to objectify that characteristic. Or at least, I think it’s natural for some people to do so.

Just as it seems more than natural to me that your objectophilia and anthropophilia share some common elements and don’t function in completely separate compartments. I think that’s normal, consistent, and maybe even healthy. I honestly don’t see anything wrong with it, and I’d be inclined to say you shouldn’t worry too much about it. We all have preferences; I don’t think there exists a purely “spiritual” and metaphysical love totally detached from reality, free of any form of objectification.

But maybe my idea of objectification is too broad.

And the same goes for selfishness: I think everyone expects something, even if it’s not the same thing for everyone. Maybe someone can tolerate getting nothing for a while, but only because they have a broader view of the relationship, or because what they gain lies outside of it, or to avoid some kind of harm.

My own attraction, for example, is closely tied to aesthetics and narrative, to the point where I prefer entertainment over any real relationship. I’m the type of person who, if they watched porn, would do it for the plot.

[PorcelainLark]

I don't feel actual guilt over the way I treated people. I only feel guilty because it could affect my reputation, which did happen in real life. If you mistreat one person, even on accident, they will tell their circles and you'll be a pariah.

Sounds more like anxiety than guilt.

Since both our replies discussed superficial appearance, I'll address it. I am pretty open about my objectophilia. Sooner or later, all my friends and partners will know. Sometimes I have been shunned, sometimes they do not care much. However, I have learned that normies' general consensus of objectophilia is that it's a pitiful mental issue. If it does not affect them, they will not care much. If it affects them, they will withdraw. As such, I am hypervigilant of how I present my paraphilia. I don't want to stop being open about it, but I have to hide the unsightly parts. If they knew that my object dating preferences transfers over to my human sexuality, it will raise eyebrows.

That's where questions about ethics begin. How differently do you present yourself from how you actually are when trying to form relationships?

I am aware that my post indicates a lot of internalised shame. I am very glad that this forum is explicitly pro-paraphilia, so it can counteract the shame I have.

I wouldn't say we're completely pro-paraphilia, it's more because MAPs are so heavily stigmatized we're not really in a position to act superior to other abnormal sexual behavior/attractions.

In that case, my objectophilia is actually a lifesaver because objects don't trigger my attachment issues as much as people. I actually asked my therapist how to eliminate the 30% human attraction, but he was appalled. He says that I am shutting myself from one facet of life.

Well, I don't really think changing your attraction is possible, so it kind of makes sense from my perspective. If a left-handed person went to a therapist and asked to be made right-handed, you'd probably see the problem as being unwillingness to accept being left-handed, not being left-handed itself. If there's a part of yourself you can't change but strongly want to get rid of, that can be a problem.

In my mind, becoming exclusive is still the best way to treat my relationship issues. I treat most people like crap but I treat all objects like the divine gods they are. I wanted to discuss if my non-exclusive objectophilia is causing impairments in my human relationships, but the therapist didn't believe it lol. I still think my non-exclusivity is an issue and I would like to become an exclusive objectophile. Most people want to eliminate their paraphilia, but I'm the only one who wants to become exclusive.

What will you do if you can't stop also being attracted to humans?