Pedophilia Fucks With My Chakra

[Hotpocket]

So, it's been a while since I posted. I have this anxiety of being on websites like this because I have two roommates and I'm just in a situation where everyone I know have kids or whatever, and so it's just safer to keep my distance until I can get my own place or get my phone turned on, you know? With that said, it's so odd how much anxiety we get from just being a part of this world. I do, at least. Like, it's the fear of whatever. Even when I am just fully legal, non-taboo pornography. Like imagine a gay man in denial just watching Straight porn and then after some time they start to be attracted to the man or space out to someone they know that is a man. And that's the point I'm trying to make. Even if it's loli-anime, or just a scene from a movie or a TV show, or... in my head, afterwards I have this weird anxiety that people know, and it's known that masturbating especially too much can cause severe anxiety, but when you're a part of this world, you just can't take any risk, you know? And that's what I mean! Is that I was jerking off to regular porn, and I start thinking a yf and afterwards I had this fear that I'm public enemy number one but I don't know. Like I kept imagining that my roommates side eyeing me when I was looking for my Red Bull that I left outside thinking to myself that they were fucking with me. Or the other day I was to look for a meme that I found a while ago on a map site and I had to use the Wi-Fi at my boss's job. Not the smartest idea, but again, you never learn things the easy way, you know? But I work for a hotel that hosts hundreds of guets each year and these hundreds of guests use the Wi-Fi. Anyways, the next day, I go to work, and the Wi-Fi isn't working. And then I ask later on, and it turns out my boss changed the Wi-Fi. And so I asked, like, why? And they just said "for privacy concerns because you don't know what private information some of the employees are using through the sites they use" so they made a Wi-Fi for the guests and then a Wi-Fi for employees. And it was like my anxiety bursted through the roof like an explosion from a gas leak. That's what I'm saying is that, is it fear or intuition or common sense?

I know some of it is a trauma response from being doxxed but t's like when I was in high school, I felt the same way when I was smoking weed. I was so nervous and paranoid and I was doing all these things to hide the weed because the state that I lived in didn't even have medicinal marijuana legalized. Plus I was young so of course I was scared of going to jail because in my mind I was carrying a dead body, LOL. And my parents were super strict so it would not have went well if they found out. I'm sorry for over explaining but it's just an example that being a map is like the same thing but if I go to jail I will have a worst time then a fentanyl dealer or Even a murderer if someone were to just catch me watching a video on YouTube or Instagram that's not even exploitative or sexual in anyway. People will still obviousky think, "why is someone at his age watching a video involving a girl this young?" Or "why why is he following these girls on Instagram?" Even if I'm not watching any content, even if it's just in my head, afterwards, I get this anxiety. Like, the whole room is watching me. Trust me, after I was doxxed I'm beyond cautious about what I do and don't do online and who I do and don't follow let alone what I allow in my search history / watch History because that is how I got caught. Luckily I was never arrested but I wanted to ask if you guys go through this as well? I've been exploring my way of thinking If I'm a NC or pc and honestly Pro-Contact all the way and farther. I know the anxiety doesn't derive from feeling that I'm doing something, just illegal like when I was smoking pot in my late teens but man! I'm beyond grateful to Blue ribbon and other members of this community for creating such a safe platform to air this stuff out.

[Brain O'Conner]

Yeah, I can understand where you're coming from. I can relate to you in a similar way. There are a couple of things I can think of and one of them happened at work. One time, I was showing a child modeling video to a co-worker, and we just had some small talk about it and that was it. Either a day or couple of days later, I was called into the managers offices and once I did enter, my manager told me about how a couple of workers told him about how uncomfortable they felt from a video I showed one of the co-workers. He told me what videos in particular that made the person uncomfortable and I told him that there were numerous videos and told him about some 911 vids. We basically had a talk about how even though you want to show someone something, always be mindful on how they would feel depending on how sensitive the media in question is. That was really it. After that, I instantly learned that it was the co-worker who I showed the child modeling video to and later learned that he told another co-worker that he would not say who when I asked.

I guess you can say this happened at work as well but not as bad. So, at work, I was able to access this site all the time (The MAP Forum), but one day I was not able to. In the back of my mind, I felt that they were on to something but never said anything about it. I guess one of the IT people saw what the site was and just blocked it. So yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if people at work, more so with the higher ups and IT know what I'm affiliated with at the least and not necessarily knowing I'm a MAP or not. Anyways, that's it. I feel pretty indifferent to be honest. Don't really care as long as it doesn't hurt me in anyway. It hasn't so far. Anyways, how've you been?