Hi. Here more for understanding and I hope that is ok

[Kara32]

Hi to everyone. I think I would place myself on here as an ally. Let me explain and I do hope that I dont bore any of you to death. I suppose in a way am seeking to know more about personal issues related to myself and my family, but not so much from you guys. Just more understanding. Maybe am just worried this turn into a rant, and worry a few might go "whose this weirdo"
Anyway, my name is Kara, yeap my real name. As said above would class myself as an ally, in which I am not an minor attracted person. Can I first say, what a great term, so much nicer than what I have ever come across. Wish that term was adopted more. I would say that hand on heart, till about 2 years ago, being unaware of MAPs, or anything to do with your issues was not on my radar. However believe me, in the two years since, they definitely have.
So not to bore anyone reading this to death and to stop my rant, too much let me describe why I seek now to improve my understanding. I come from quiet a small family. Like most people I have a mum and a dad. I am the oldest of their children. My folks were married young at 17 and I was born when they 18.. I am now 32 years old. I had a younger brother, he was 8 years younger than me. Our upbringing was good. Boring like most but good. I left home when I was 18, to get away maybe from the boredom. My brother never left home, up till his death a year ago. My folks about 6 years ago decided to foster, maybe they were bored as well.
Everything was good, till 2 years ago. My folks at that time were fostering a boy, think he been there for a few months. Now I dont live that close to my folks. After uni, I moved away and am now a single mum but of course did visit or have the occassional visits. Then 2 years ago i had a frantic phone call from my mum. My brother had been arrested on charges related to a inappropriate relationship with a boy. I myself had to deal with the police. They questioned my kid, insinuations were made and believe me rebuked. When my brother was bailed he had no where to go. I stated he welcome here but that wasnt allowed. Indeed my brother refused to even meet for a coffee. He did eventual go home but never left his room. It turned out his crime was to befriend the boy at my mum and dads. He would discuss the kids problems and they came close. Apparently he was seen hugging the boy and that was reported. The boy said they close but that was it.
Maybe I mad but to me, it was like "so what" anyway it was too much for my brother and a year later he took his own life. He did admit to me in a letter that he was a MAP. That he always had these feelings. Maybe he thought I be shocked. I was angry but angry that he didnt talk to me and took his own life.
Since then I have read up on things, both sides. I cherish my brother memory, as the kind brother, who do anything for anyone. Was a great brother and yes a great uncle and son to my folks. To others of course he better off dead. The fact that there was no real case. I got a throw away comment that it was unlikely to go to court. As all the evidence was a few notes and poems. Private poems I add.
So how I end up here. Well I mad at the system, plus am aware that the so called relationship was not abusive, was reciprocated. That there not just MAPs but younger teens that attracted to older. God everyone knows about "crushes" for god sake. That we will in a society hell bent on destroying others who in most cases are not risky to others, are humans and are forced to take actions like my brother did.
Today I found this site and read some amazing articles, they made me mad and made me cry but were amazing. It is unlikely on here that I can offer much support. I cannot and will not say. I know what you all have to go through. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for having those great articles and hoping that despite not having a great understanding or know what you going through, that you have one ally at least.

[FairBlueLove]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother...

I think allies like you, with an outer point of view, but who did experience first hand the consequences of the broken system we are in, are extremely precious.

A big hug, and welcome

[Kara32]

Ok thank you for that and hug back.

[BLueRibbon]

Welcome!

I'm so sorry to hear about your awful situation.

We wrote about the terrible effects on families in our (very long) article about Huw Edwards.

You are a great sister. Thank you so much for supporting your brother.

Please feel very welcome to participate here. We also have a Member Support section if you would like to vent or talk through any issues.

[Kara32]

Thank you all.
Yes the article on Huw Edward's was one that I read and found really good. Very sad at same time but really good. I do think that if people were less reactive and took time to read and understand the other point of view alot of the hate would go. Just through media mainly they never get the chance too. It hard to have a reasoned discussion with people on the topic of this sexuality. People just believe the media and out their hands up to stop any discussion. Believe me I have tried. Especially related to my brother and his issues. It very much like trying to have a discussion with my daughter on something she doesnt want to hear. Where she puts her hands in her ears and says "I am not listening". So it is very frustrating. After a year of reading and hopefully understanding I have come to the conclusion that "love" is "love" whatever form it takes.

[Kara32]

Hi, sure I would be happy too. In a way it helps me and good for my brothers memory.

[Lennon72]

I am sorry about what happened. That was just totally rwedicualous and unjust. But I am glad that it led you to here and that we have yet another ally. Welcome.

[Kara32]

Thank you lennon72 I really appreciate that x

[Phossu]

Thank you for this post, Kara. It isn't often that non-MAPs share their voices on forums like this, and I'm very glad that you did.

What happened to your brother is truly horrible. People like him are the innocent victims of the hatred against MAPs, and it makes me enraged that his life was ruined for an innocent act of kindness.

It is incredibly valuable for me to see your perspective, and it heartens me that you have come to the understanding that you have. It gives me hope that we can be understood and accepted by society, and that's very important for me. We all wish for a world where the tragedy that happened to your brother will never happen again.

Please don't hesitate to use this forum to vent, or to share your perspective. Including allies in our movement is critical, and I'm so glad that you're here.

[Kara32]

Hi Phossu
Thank you for the kind words. Alot of how I think and how i want to go forward is based on my brother. He was a kind soul. Him being a MAP was part of who he was. I know if he had talked to me, I would have accepted that part, as that part looking back made him who he was. He felt I think that society would never forgive him. Maybe he was right, maybe wrong. I hope wrong. I wish he had found this community. So I will fight in his memory but also because it is right. I love what you wrote in your introduction. I am learning, believe me alot. I can see your community is very much a broad church. That the same as all communities. So I hope one day, all of you will be accepted by society. One lesson am learning is that it is society that is wrong, not any of you. Anything I can do to help, I will do. Again thank you for your kind words. I really dont think I am doing anything special. I just hope to help in some way. Anyway welcome as well. Kara