Serious mental illness and being MAP

[Fragment]

Obviously a lot of MAPs experience mental health issues as a result of the pressures that come from living as a stigmatized minority. Depression and anxiety are likely experienced almost universally in our community.

But I was wondering if many of us have had experience with more serious mental health diagnoses and have experienced psychiatric care?

In my case I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type not yet confirmed) earlier in the year. I've started taking Lithium to regulate my polarity and an anti-psychotic medication for depression. My psychiatrist and my body are still getting used to the appropriate dose, though. Through most of June I was extremely lethargic and emotionally numb. Since adjusting my medication recently I've been feeling more human again.

Being diagnosed in my late 30s came as something of a surprise. I had joked that my energy levels were like bipolar to family and friends before, but it had never really been at the level of an impairment. My manic (or at that point probably hypomanic) phases had helped me be productive, but never really pushed me towards destructive behavior. I had experienced depression, but only thought of it as unipolar depression (and something that I'd mostly overcome in my 20s).

Bipolar seems like it could be one of the worst disorders to have while also having a legally prohibited sexual orientation. The hypersexuality, lack of impulse control and sense of grandeur seem like the kind of cocktail that can lead to legal disaster if not tightly controlled.

Obviously there might be things here that you're not comfortable about sharing, but I was curious as to what mental health issues others might have struggled with and how they may have interacted with being MAP.

[Seagull]

I was diagnosed with acute ADHD in my 40s. I knew something was "wrong with me" when I was 7 years old (the teacher wanted me to repeat the 2nd grade since I was such a poor reader). My parents took me to a local university for testing and they concluded that I was an above average student, but had "something" going on in my little mind that was causing me to fail. I am currently reading Gabor Mate's book, Scattered Minds, on the origins and treatment of ADHD. Apparently, my poor attention is due to lack of development of the prefrontal cortex in my early years. Based on the dysfunctional family in which I was raised, I can believe it.

Part of having ADHD is impulse control - my mind bounces off of every wall around when trying to think my way from A to B. The prefontal cortex in our brains is the policeman who directs the traffic in our minds - mainly it keeps our emotions from running into each other. With ADHD, the policeman falls asleep and the emotional side of us runs wild. As for how this relates to my MA, if I see a cute boy, my mind locks on him like a surface-to-air missile. No matter how much my rational mind (policeman) tries to get me to not be so damn noticeable, my pool impulse control still keeps me glued to the kid. I'm still trying to get my arms around this one, so more to come (after the kid's gone!)

[Fragment]

Seagull, what I find interesting is that a lot of people complain about the over diagnosis of ADHD in boys today, yet you experienced the opposite- the under diagnosis of a condition that has no doubt affected you throughout your whole life.

Have you found getting the diagnosis has helped or that medication has improved your ability to function? Or haven't things changed all that much?

I'm still newly diagnosed with my condition and my medication is still being heavily adjusted so I'm not sure how much "better" I'll be at the end of it. One thing about bipolar disorder is that you feel so good, happy and motivated while manic. I achieve so much during my manic periods. It's really sad to lose what is, in a sense, "me at my best". But the downsides of mania are just too dangerous and bipolar is considered a progressive disease so the next time I go manic I could end up having hallucinations or thinking I'm literally God. Best avoided, I guess.

[Peace]

I've been dealing with depression most of my life, with major episodes every few years. Only went to the psych hospital once when I was self-harming as a pre-teen. I definitely have no desire to ever return to inpatient; I absolutely hated how trapped I felt. I wish there were more community- or ex-patient-run facilities, stuff like peer respites and clubhouses. The closest one to me is an hour by public transit. I'm dealing with an episode right now, and the worst part is the lack of motivation. I hate how I end up just sitting around doing nothing a lot of the time.

Being in the MAP community has helped a lot with my depression. Not only am I allowed to speak about my attraction, but it fills me with some purpose. I hope that one day we'll be a bigger, but for now, I actually kind of like how comfy the community can be, where we all sorta know each other. It makes me feel like the things I do can make a difference to other MAPs.

I've also struggled with social anxiety for a long time. Sometimes it manifests as me avoiding all social contact, and other times it ends with me getting into social situations and freezing up in panic. This is where I don't get why people say pedos prefer kids because they feel "intimidated" by adults: I feel intimidated by most people, including kids!

Along with the mental illness, I've had to deal with having autism and ADHD.

[Strato]

This thread topic is certainly relevant to my case history, though I would caution that mental health “care” varies enormously from country to country. My experience may well be unrepresentative. What I do know is that the mental health system that dealt with me, completely failed me.

A mental health centre was recommended to me by my physician once I had explained to him that my difficult personal situation had precipitated homelessness and threats of violence towards me. Suffice it to say, in my home country, mental health professionals are obliged to notify the police if they consider a patient to be a risk to the public, but at no point was I made aware of this fact either by my physician or by the psychiatrists at the Centre where I had subsequently sought help. Over the course of three meetings, I divulged my predicament to the health professionals, informing them that my paedosexuality and society’s adverse reaction to it were making life intolerable for me.

During the fourth meeting, I was advised that the Centre had rated me a risk to public safety, and as a result had duly notified the police of that risk. The Centre also mentioned they had rated me as being at significant risk from suicide. I left the meeting betrayed and utterly distraught. Suicide was the only option left to me. Within an hour, I found I had travelled by bus to coastal cliffs, had somehow walked along a cliff footpath, and finally was to be seen pacing back and forth close to the cliff edge. Passing hikers witnessed my distress, and guessed what I was about to do. I found myself tackled and held to the ground. Shortly afterwards, police arrived at the scene and extracted my story. I was eventually taken to a mental health hospital where I was incarcerated for 72 hours, the legal maximum period of detention.

Upon release from the hospital, I headed back to my tent, no better off, no safety net, and arguably a lot worse off, than when I had first approached my physician for help.

[BLueRibbon]

This thread topic is certainly relevant to my case history, though I would caution that mental health “care” varies enormously from country to country. My experience may well be unrepresentative. What I do know is that the mental health system that dealt with me, completely failed me.

A mental health centre was recommended to me by my physician once I had explained to him that my difficult personal situation had precipitated homelessness and threats of violence towards me. Suffice it to say, in my home country, mental health professionals are obliged to notify the police if they consider a patient to be a risk to the public, but at no point was I made aware of this fact either by my physician or by the psychiatrists at the Centre where I had subsequently sought help. Over the course of three meetings, I divulged my predicament to the health professionals, informing them that my paedosexuality and society’s adverse reaction to it were making life intolerable for me.

During the fourth meeting, I was advised that the Centre had rated me a risk to public safety, and as a result had duly notified the police of that risk. The Centre also mentioned they had rated me as being at significant risk from suicide. I left the meeting betrayed and utterly distraught. Suicide was the only option left to me. Within an hour, I found I had travelled by bus to coastal cliffs, had somehow walked along a cliff footpath, and finally was to be seen pacing back and forth close to the cliff edge. Passing hikers witnessed my distress, and guessed what I was about to do. I found myself tackled and held to the ground. Shortly afterwards, police arrived at the scene and extracted my story. I was eventually taken to a mental health hospital where I was incarcerated for 72 hours, the legal maximum period of detention.

Upon release from the hospital, I headed back to my tent, no better off, no safety net, and arguably a lot worse off, than when I had first approached my physician for help.

Absolutely disgusting. Is there any way you can make a complaint about those so-called professionals without putting yourself at risk?

Please contact B4U-Act, post here, or visit LifeLine during one of our scheduled chats, if you're in need of support.

[Strato]

This thread topic is certainly relevant to my case history, though I would caution that mental health “care” varies enormously from country to country. My experience may well be unrepresentative. What I do know is that the mental health system that dealt with me, completely failed me.

A mental health centre was recommended to me by my physician once I had explained to him that my difficult personal situation had precipitated homelessness and threats of violence towards me. Suffice it to say, in my home country, mental health professionals are obliged to notify the police if they consider a patient to be a risk to the public, but at no point was I made aware of this fact either by my physician or by the psychiatrists at the Centre where I had subsequently sought help. Over the course of three meetings, I divulged my predicament to the health professionals, informing them that my paedosexuality and society’s adverse reaction to it were making life intolerable for me.

During the fourth meeting, I was advised that the Centre had rated me a risk to public safety, and as a result had duly notified the police of that risk. The Centre also mentioned they had rated me as being at significant risk from suicide. I left the meeting betrayed and utterly distraught. Suicide was the only option left to me. Within an hour, I found I had travelled by bus to coastal cliffs, had somehow walked along a cliff footpath, and finally was to be seen pacing back and forth close to the cliff edge. Passing hikers witnessed my distress, and guessed what I was about to do. I found myself tackled and held to the ground. Shortly afterwards, police arrived at the scene and extracted my story. I was eventually taken to a mental health hospital where I was incarcerated for 72 hours, the legal maximum period of detention.

Upon release from the hospital, I headed back to my tent, no better off, no safety net, and arguably a lot worse off, than when I had first approached my physician for help.

Absolutely disgusting. Is there any way you can make a complaint about those so-called professionals without putting yourself at risk?

Please contact B4U-Act, post here, or visit LifeLine during one of our scheduled chats, if you're in need of support.

Thank you for your kind comment BLue Ribbon. My life has moved on in the interim. I decided after this event and the situation immediately preceding it, that I would seek a less hostile country to spend my life. I am thus exiled from my home country, and have been for more than a decade. I came to realise that the health system that was there to look after me, and which I paid into from my salary each month during my working life, is broken and not fit for purpose. Once this happens at the national level, there is very little a single person can do to change it.

[Fragment]

This thread topic is certainly relevant to my case history, though I would caution that mental health “care” varies enormously from country to country. My experience may well be unrepresentative. What I do know is that the mental health system that dealt with me, completely failed me.

A mental health centre was recommended to me by my physician once I had explained to him that my difficult personal situation had precipitated homelessness and threats of violence towards me. Suffice it to say, in my home country, mental health professionals are obliged to notify the police if they consider a patient to be a risk to the public, but at no point was I made aware of this fact either by my physician or by the psychiatrists at the Centre where I had subsequently sought help. Over the course of three meetings, I divulged my predicament to the health professionals, informing them that my paedosexuality and society’s adverse reaction to it were making life intolerable for me.

During the fourth meeting, I was advised that the Centre had rated me a risk to public safety, and as a result had duly notified the police of that risk. The Centre also mentioned they had rated me as being at significant risk from suicide. I left the meeting betrayed and utterly distraught. Suicide was the only option left to me. Within an hour, I found I had travelled by bus to coastal cliffs, had somehow walked along a cliff footpath, and finally was to be seen pacing back and forth close to the cliff edge. Passing hikers witnessed my distress, and guessed what I was about to do. I found myself tackled and held to the ground. Shortly afterwards, police arrived at the scene and extracted my story. I was eventually taken to a mental health hospital where I was incarcerated for 72 hours, the legal maximum period of detention.

Upon release from the hospital, I headed back to my tent, no better off, no safety net, and arguably a lot worse off, than when I had first approached my physician for help.

I am writing an article for Mu at the moment about MAP suicide. Do you think I could include your story?

[Strato]

This thread topic is certainly relevant to my case history, though I would caution that mental health “care” varies enormously from country to country. My experience may well be unrepresentative. What I do know is that the mental health system that dealt with me, completely failed me.

A mental health centre was recommended to me by my physician once I had explained to him that my difficult personal situation had precipitated homelessness and threats of violence towards me. Suffice it to say, in my home country, mental health professionals are obliged to notify the police if they consider a patient to be a risk to the public, but at no point was I made aware of this fact either by my physician or by the psychiatrists at the Centre where I had subsequently sought help. Over the course of three meetings, I divulged my predicament to the health professionals, informing them that my paedosexuality and society’s adverse reaction to it were making life intolerable for me.

During the fourth meeting, I was advised that the Centre had rated me a risk to public safety, and as a result had duly notified the police of that risk. The Centre also mentioned they had rated me as being at significant risk from suicide. I left the meeting betrayed and utterly distraught. Suicide was the only option left to me. Within an hour, I found I had travelled by bus to coastal cliffs, had somehow walked along a cliff footpath, and finally was to be seen pacing back and forth close to the cliff edge. Passing hikers witnessed my distress, and guessed what I was about to do. I found myself tackled and held to the ground. Shortly afterwards, police arrived at the scene and extracted my story. I was eventually taken to a mental health hospital where I was incarcerated for 72 hours, the legal maximum period of detention.

Upon release from the hospital, I headed back to my tent, no better off, no safety net, and arguably a lot worse off, than when I had first approached my physician for help.

I am writing an article for Mu at the moment about MAP suicide. Do you think I could include your story?

Sure PS, please help yourself to the story. Just to mention this unfolded a long way from the US, but it happened to a MAP and that is the crucial point.