I have a nonconformist relationship with society. Although I have never been diagnosed with Asbergers or Autism for example, I have always sensed being a square peg in a round hole. The root cause for this has everything to do with my primary sexuality, its notoriety, and social exclusion.
Negative school experiences caused me to feel guilt from a young age - a perception of ‘gayness directed towards the younger boys’, angered my peers. Little has changed into adulthood. I have a lot of love to give, but no mechanism or opportunity to give it. Essentially placed in a box with a label on the inside saying ‘your sexuality has lost you all your freedoms’, and a label on the outside saying ‘radioactive, do not touch’. For part of my life this metaphorical box became reality.
Societal exclusion resulting from my nonconformity has meant I instinctively reject dominant narratives plus the media proxies that propagandise them. Some examples: I lost a number of “friends” due to my early stance alerting them to the perils of taking the jab during 2021 and 2022; I continue to lose acquaintances due to my pro-Russia pro-BRICS stance from 2022 to the present day; loss of family has been the biggest casualty, simply because I am not prepared to denounce my innate sexuality for the sake of appeasement.
‘Not "fitting in", even in online MAP spaces.’ Finding narrowly-defined kindred spirits online is difficult because anonymity severely limits one’s ability to really get to know others. This problem did not exist so much before the internet, not least because now, most “subversive” speech online can be monitored by agencies that wish you harm. Historically, in Europe, conferences were held every so often allowing individuals to meet up and consider how best to move the cause forward via activism. In my experience, friendship and trust could more easily be established in this way.
