MA vs CSA. Related/causal?

[InfinityChild]

I can without a doubt link the two. My MA tendency is so tightly linked the the precise damage from CSA. MA evolved as a coping mechanism to enable me to be sexual without the PTSD/anxiety/shame/fear that I otherwise experienced.

I'm not comfortable going into detail of how it works or what happened to me, except to say I was brutalized into feeling I had no sexual power, but the fantasy of MA play restores that.

I cannot be the only one. I agree it's often innate, but for me and many I have corresponded with, it's an evolved or discovered coping mechanism.

It's hard to refute that kind of statement, nor would I really want to.

I have considered in the past that people who have experienced CSA might simply be better able to recognize their own minor attraction when they first start having those feelings. But your account seems to deny that that would apply to your situation.

Perhaps there are two possible routes to being a MAP- "born MAP" and "made MAP"- something that doesn't seem to exist in the gay community.

The next question that interests me is if there are any qualitative differences in the attraction experienced by those who are "born MAP" vs those that are "made MAP". If "made MAPs" are rebelling against their own sense of powerlessness are they are more likely to have fantasies of force or being in control?

As a "born MAP" my fantasies are almost polar opposite to that. "Pedophiles enjoy sex with children because they want to feel powerful" is a narrative that I find totally and utterly foreign.

I would be curious if "made MAPs" have different fantasies too.

As for me I was sexual with other kids going up, but I'm pretty sure I enjoyed it and don't feel trauma from it. I think I was born this way.