MAP Forum

in what dimension do you guys think telling a gf/wife/family member that you’re a pedophile will work in your favor?

I think you're worrying about this too much.

I knew I was a pedophile before becoming a dad and when my wife told me she was pregnant I worried how I'd handle it as a pedophile. When we found it we were having a girl my mind started to race about how would I handle it, having my own little girl who I'd have to raise and help with things like bath's and such. I genuinely didn't know if I was about to head into a sexual heaven or hell.

Then the day she was born my world changed. Looking at my daughter I cried with joy and there was zero sexual interest. As she grew up into my AoA, still no sexual interest. She's my daughter, my feelings are as a dad, not a lover. It's sort of like if you're attracted to adults it doesn't mean you'll be attracted to your mom or sister, attraction doesn't work that way, we're not dogs that will hump anything in sight.

It's unlikely that you'll have such feelings for your daughter. You might find her friends hot but that's different.

My wife knows I'm a pedophile and it doesn't matter because she knows and trusts me. She found out when our daughter was around 4 because I told her and she wasn't mad or anything, she knew I was a good dad and husband and being a pedophile wasn't changing that and it never has changed that.

But, not all women react that way, I know others who have come out to their partner and they have reacted very negatively. You have to think how important is it to be out to your partner. If it's important then you should tell her and if she can't handle it then she isn't the right partner for you. If it isn't important then don't tell her. But I will say this, you deserve to be loved how you are and this is for life so never feel like you're anything less for being a pedophile, actually if anything that's something extra, a leveling up skill. You are good as you are, you just have to decide if it's something important to share and if not, then don't feel you have to share it for approval. There will be things your wife hasn't shared with you, everyone has secrets and things they lock away. Only share what you feel you need to share.

No one can tell you a right or wrong answer here. Disclosure is always a risk. I came out to my wife after generative AI took off and I couldn't really help myself, as I'd been relatively restrained until that point. Lucky for me she just accepted me. I had already told her about my dad, who was also a pedo and killed himself over it when I was a teenager. My wife is my ride or die, and I'm really lucky, but it's totally unpredictable how people will react, and you gotta be prepared for the worst.

I disclosed to my best friends of 12+ years about a year ago and it ended the friendship instantly. My motto these days is keep it secret, keep it safe.

When it comes to temptation I think we are wired not to be attracted to family. Even when family members have been in my AoA I have felt nothing sexual towards them - not just that I didn't fancy them, but felt a bit of the "yuck" that someone might feel about sexual connection with someone who is completely outside of their sexual preference. I think this is the same for most people - as others have said, heterosexual "normie" parents don't suddenly fancy or hook up with their children when they grow up. I think most (can't say all) people have this hard-wired "brake" in their sexuality, but how close the family member would be must vary - for example for me it includes cousins, but there are cousin romances/marriages are not rare.

My main fear about having children would be "what if it came out?" - I couldn't handle everyone assuming I'm a danger to my own children and maybe even interrogating them to check if i'd done anything. Which is beyond ridiculous of course - would I be a danger to everyone of my sex if i came out as gay? In fact the assumption wouldn't just be about my own AoA so it would be like saying I'm a danger to everyone of the opposite sex if i came out as gay! I have spent my whole life showing i am safe in my actions and yet this would be thrown out by speculation because people think it's the right thing to do.