Re: When did you know?
Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2026 12:02 pm
As far back as I can recall. I'd always flirt and play around with my friends, but it wasn't like just a simple curiosity. It was genuine love. It goes way back into my memory, so far back that I wonder if I even had these thoughts while still in the womb if not before! 
I was also into drawing all kinds of fantasy sexual stuff with my friends and myself, but I quickly learned to stylize it so it wouldn't be labeled as sexual. Drawing anything remotely humanoid wasn't an option, and definitely no genitalia. I sucked at drawing humans!
The weird thing is I was also an AAM at quite a young age. At 4 I was already noticing adult figures, and the eroticism started around 6 or so. My fantasies of adults in my life became more and more perverted and kinky the older I got. I was sexually frustrated as a kid and knew adults knew about this stuff!
However I always had a soft spot for the youth. It never got kinky until the day I woke up and realized I was an adult. It could be internalized pedo-hysteria, but from that day on I became increasingly paranoid about youth doing the exact things I had been fantasizing of all of those years prior. It eventually evolved into disturbing nightmares and severe psychological issues that would send me into panic attacks and mild hallucinations if I was around young ones.
My love for youth never went away and has only increased over time. Though i think this fear is keeping me safe from indulging in illegal material and illicit activities, perhaps it had been serving that function all along.
I was also into drawing all kinds of fantasy sexual stuff with my friends and myself, but I quickly learned to stylize it so it wouldn't be labeled as sexual. Drawing anything remotely humanoid wasn't an option, and definitely no genitalia. I sucked at drawing humans!
The weird thing is I was also an AAM at quite a young age. At 4 I was already noticing adult figures, and the eroticism started around 6 or so. My fantasies of adults in my life became more and more perverted and kinky the older I got. I was sexually frustrated as a kid and knew adults knew about this stuff!
However I always had a soft spot for the youth. It never got kinky until the day I woke up and realized I was an adult. It could be internalized pedo-hysteria, but from that day on I became increasingly paranoid about youth doing the exact things I had been fantasizing of all of those years prior. It eventually evolved into disturbing nightmares and severe psychological issues that would send me into panic attacks and mild hallucinations if I was around young ones.
My love for youth never went away and has only increased over time. Though i think this fear is keeping me safe from indulging in illegal material and illicit activities, perhaps it had been serving that function all along.