Re: NEET Maps
Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2025 8:21 pm
I haven't left 'the house' since 2010 when I was fired (2011 if going to the corner-store near my apartment counts), I was 24 then, I'm 39 now. Initially it was because of self-consciousness about my appearance and social anxiety around people indirectly criticizing it (I had come across a lot of usually passive-aggressive/indirect rude comments or 'bullying' as well, I always felt that I wouldn't care about the body criticism if it were direct/explicit. Both since my late teens). Then self-consciousness about being in public and recognized by people (there are possibly millions, around the world) who hack/ed into my phone and laptop and the phones and laptops of family members, visitors, etc. added on to that.
"and my Gen X conservative parents disregard my mental health and only care about me getting a job and working."
Many people won't take the trade-offs seriously because they can't see, smell or hear the suffering of other people or they can't relate to what causes them to suffer so it might not seem real to them. They might also assume that desensitization is necessarily a solution, and circumstantially it might be.
"Other reasons have to do with my pedophilia as i isolate due to society's hate towards us and my family is hateful towards pedophiles so whenever i do interact with them i have to hide it even though i hate lying."
That's not really an issue for me. I don't really think of myself as a 'pedophile.' I have some mild attraction to prepubescent girls (6/7 and up) but there are also times when I view them as completely non-sexual (as in I have no sexual interest in them). I have to be honest, whenever I've thought about one in that way part (not all) of my interest was rooted in the novelty of a different kind of partner (not the taboo; I wish that harmless, loving sex was un-taboo and that my preferences were socially acceptable). Prepubescent children are not my preference. I'm sure that this speaks to the stigma around pedophilia but, again, let me be honest- if someone asked me if I was attracted to 'children' I'd probably say no (to be fair, to my cowardly self, my attraction to them is so 'flimsy' that I somewhat feel that I would be misrepresenting myself), if they asked me if I was attracted to teenagers I might try to avoid the conversation (because I'm not comfortable admitting to being attracted to people to begin with, it gives others power over you and makes you vulnerable to rejection) but I would never flat out say no.
I'm not even remotely embarrassed about being attracted to teenagers (maybe I'd be a little shy, for age-related reasons, about admitting an attraction to young teens but, again, I wouldn't lie and claim that I wasn't), maybe because it's so obvious to me that all straight teleiophile men are and I just don't feel like playing the game in pretending to not be (at least in the sense of a flat 'no' and not just avoiding the topic but if I can admit to being attracted to a 30-year-old woman I'm not going to shy away from admitting that I'm attracted to some 13 and 14-year-olds and definitely not to 16-18-year-olds). Again, I recognize how backward that is on my part (not wanting people to think of me as a 'pedophile,' to whatever extent that might be because of the stigma and not because it doesn't really represent my somewhat 'complicated' sexuality). I'm not in the exact same boat as 'pedophiles' are where they have no legal or socially acceptable outlet for their sexuality (I'm sure in my 40s, 50s and beyond I'll always prefer teens, 20-something-year-olds and 30-something-year-olds but I'm also sure that many older people are in the same boat and just suffer in silence or maybe there are people who are more interested in older partners than I am even if they prefer or like younger ones. No one is coming for me if I admit to being attracted to 30-year-olds but there's no way I could get away with dating a 22-year-old with no societal backlash. It is frustrating because so many, if not most, of the women you're going to see in movies, tv shows, etc. will be in their 20s so you're expected to stop and check their age to see if an attraction can be justified, whereas you rarely see young teens anyway so the taboo around liking them isn't demanding me to engage in as much inhibition).
You can call me a 'hebephile/ephebephile' but I don't think the categories are meaningful since pubescent and post-pubescent preteens/teens have, to some degree, the same secondary sex characteristics that make legal adult females attractive (maybe 'hebephile' makes sense if we're talking about preference but 'ephebephile' seems completely ideological). I don't really prefer teens though. Women in their 30s are very attractive to me (or at least I'm wired to find them attractive; sans sexual numbness, body image problems, fear of rejection, high stress etc.). I've often liked the idea of a loving romanticish relationship with a prepubescent girl (7 or older) but I can't remember the last time I had a crush on someone outside of the appx. 12-39 age range, although I rarely have crushes to begin with. It would be interesting if people talked about this (age preferences) more openly everywhere to give us some idea of what's normal.
"At this point i have reached my limit this has been going on since 2016 and now i feel i have no purpose in life no reason to exist i just exist."
"Nothing really brings me joy anymore"
I feel similarly. I'm not saying this out of self-pity or because it's been a particularly bad day (I have some horrible shit mood days very often; I mean organic bad mood days sometimes leaning toward 'depression' on top of body dysphoria, despair and anxiety around turning 40, sadness over my mother eventually dying; she's 70, fear about how I will care for myself when my parents are gone, my mother's AGONIZING coughing fits throughout the day, this general deep boredom with life that is often part of the organic bad moods I mentioned and it often comes with sexual numbness too, frustration and despair over my erectile dysfunction, and various issues; some of which I don't really want to try to articulate) but I truly do not care if I die. I do not want my mother to grieve but it would be the best thing for me if I died before she did, or before I turned 40, there is no life I could have that would be worth living.
What little happiness I feel comes mostly from reading or watching tv shows/movies (i.e. fantasy). I forgot what I wanted to say.
Sometimes I wonder how satisfying any practically possible life for me could be (if I was young, no body image problems/didn't have to worry about unrequited attraction, no self-consciousness in public, a community of like-minded people who shared my worldview, etc.), there's this boredom with life that, for me, comes with masturbatory abstinence that I might be able to cure with increased ejaculation that would come at too high of a cost so I wonder if that has something to do with it (I know this is starting to sound so weird). There are times when life doesn't seem as though it could, for a long time, be really satisfying. I know that I would enjoy some practical casual sex encounters that would mean a lot to me but I don't think I could do a real life 'romance' so beyond however long that would last what would it take to satisfy me long-term? A world with pink skies, unicorns, magic, being able to experimentally experience life as a butterfly or a dolphin or to live in a pre-industrial world (I don't know why the idea of living in a world with magic in pre-industrial settings is exciting to me, maybe because it would be a simpler lifestyle; one we can't have with high technology- I'm not going to elaborate on this point. I realize that a pre-industrial lifestyle without magic would be hell), to go on magical adventures with the smurfs and live in their village (I was never into the smurfs, I just like the idea of living with these little blue people)? If that became reality and was normal, could even that eventually bore me? I don't think I could go wrong with a really beautiful dream (with typical non-lucid dream cognition) that lasted for years, even with this kind of organic insensitivity to pleasurable stimuli that I seem to have (the nature of dream cognition is arguably more conductive to happiness). The next best thing might be if I could live out my life as a young man in an '80s movie with era-appropriate background music. I would really like a community of like-minded people who took non-human animal happiness seriously and didn't make me their one exception (in terms of valuing the happiness of sentient beings), who agreed with me on the epistemic justification for the everyone's/only happiness is inherently good view (personal experience) and on what it basically implies.
"It doesn't help that i now have physical issues too due to the years of isolation i can't move as good as i used to and i have had tinnitus since 2022."
I have tinnititus at times but, so far, it must be mild compared to what others go through because it doesn't really bother me that much. I was scared it would become an issue but once I got through the first night, it rarely concerned me again. Restless leg syndrome used to make my life near constant torture before I stopped avoiding it, now when it comes it normally doesn't take too long before it goes away. I used to have a back problem (it would probably still be an issue if I tried lifting something really heavy or engaging in some physically strenuous activity. Actually, it's somewhat of an issue today/the last couple of days or so) but I don't think that would be an issue now in terms of trying to work. Who knows what will come in future (some new medical issue, maybe tinnitus or rls or whatever will come back or get worse. My sinuses are annoying, they come in August and it has sometimes been like an actual cold or virus I'd want to stay home for if I had a job). Even just chronically dry, sticky lips would make functioning, socially, in public, difficult.
As for work, I tried self-publishing some books (2 children's short story collections and one 'philosophy' book for adults) and they all failed in terms of sales so I can't live off kdp amazon. If I'm not homeless, it will probably be a minimum wage/manual labor future for me and I'll basically be starting out in the workplace as a middle-aged man with virtually no job experience (I only have a high school diploma, I was expelled from college after missing too many classes; I used to avoid class because I didn't want to deal with indirect criticism of my appearance). I truly hope that my parents at least leave me the house (I'm the only one who actually 'needs' it) but I wouldn't be surprised if they don't.
"and my Gen X conservative parents disregard my mental health and only care about me getting a job and working."
Many people won't take the trade-offs seriously because they can't see, smell or hear the suffering of other people or they can't relate to what causes them to suffer so it might not seem real to them. They might also assume that desensitization is necessarily a solution, and circumstantially it might be.
"Other reasons have to do with my pedophilia as i isolate due to society's hate towards us and my family is hateful towards pedophiles so whenever i do interact with them i have to hide it even though i hate lying."
That's not really an issue for me. I don't really think of myself as a 'pedophile.' I have some mild attraction to prepubescent girls (6/7 and up) but there are also times when I view them as completely non-sexual (as in I have no sexual interest in them). I have to be honest, whenever I've thought about one in that way part (not all) of my interest was rooted in the novelty of a different kind of partner (not the taboo; I wish that harmless, loving sex was un-taboo and that my preferences were socially acceptable). Prepubescent children are not my preference. I'm sure that this speaks to the stigma around pedophilia but, again, let me be honest- if someone asked me if I was attracted to 'children' I'd probably say no (to be fair, to my cowardly self, my attraction to them is so 'flimsy' that I somewhat feel that I would be misrepresenting myself), if they asked me if I was attracted to teenagers I might try to avoid the conversation (because I'm not comfortable admitting to being attracted to people to begin with, it gives others power over you and makes you vulnerable to rejection) but I would never flat out say no.
I'm not even remotely embarrassed about being attracted to teenagers (maybe I'd be a little shy, for age-related reasons, about admitting an attraction to young teens but, again, I wouldn't lie and claim that I wasn't), maybe because it's so obvious to me that all straight teleiophile men are and I just don't feel like playing the game in pretending to not be (at least in the sense of a flat 'no' and not just avoiding the topic but if I can admit to being attracted to a 30-year-old woman I'm not going to shy away from admitting that I'm attracted to some 13 and 14-year-olds and definitely not to 16-18-year-olds). Again, I recognize how backward that is on my part (not wanting people to think of me as a 'pedophile,' to whatever extent that might be because of the stigma and not because it doesn't really represent my somewhat 'complicated' sexuality). I'm not in the exact same boat as 'pedophiles' are where they have no legal or socially acceptable outlet for their sexuality (I'm sure in my 40s, 50s and beyond I'll always prefer teens, 20-something-year-olds and 30-something-year-olds but I'm also sure that many older people are in the same boat and just suffer in silence or maybe there are people who are more interested in older partners than I am even if they prefer or like younger ones. No one is coming for me if I admit to being attracted to 30-year-olds but there's no way I could get away with dating a 22-year-old with no societal backlash. It is frustrating because so many, if not most, of the women you're going to see in movies, tv shows, etc. will be in their 20s so you're expected to stop and check their age to see if an attraction can be justified, whereas you rarely see young teens anyway so the taboo around liking them isn't demanding me to engage in as much inhibition).
You can call me a 'hebephile/ephebephile' but I don't think the categories are meaningful since pubescent and post-pubescent preteens/teens have, to some degree, the same secondary sex characteristics that make legal adult females attractive (maybe 'hebephile' makes sense if we're talking about preference but 'ephebephile' seems completely ideological). I don't really prefer teens though. Women in their 30s are very attractive to me (or at least I'm wired to find them attractive; sans sexual numbness, body image problems, fear of rejection, high stress etc.). I've often liked the idea of a loving romanticish relationship with a prepubescent girl (7 or older) but I can't remember the last time I had a crush on someone outside of the appx. 12-39 age range, although I rarely have crushes to begin with. It would be interesting if people talked about this (age preferences) more openly everywhere to give us some idea of what's normal.
"At this point i have reached my limit this has been going on since 2016 and now i feel i have no purpose in life no reason to exist i just exist."
"Nothing really brings me joy anymore"
I feel similarly. I'm not saying this out of self-pity or because it's been a particularly bad day (I have some horrible shit mood days very often; I mean organic bad mood days sometimes leaning toward 'depression' on top of body dysphoria, despair and anxiety around turning 40, sadness over my mother eventually dying; she's 70, fear about how I will care for myself when my parents are gone, my mother's AGONIZING coughing fits throughout the day, this general deep boredom with life that is often part of the organic bad moods I mentioned and it often comes with sexual numbness too, frustration and despair over my erectile dysfunction, and various issues; some of which I don't really want to try to articulate) but I truly do not care if I die. I do not want my mother to grieve but it would be the best thing for me if I died before she did, or before I turned 40, there is no life I could have that would be worth living.
What little happiness I feel comes mostly from reading or watching tv shows/movies (i.e. fantasy). I forgot what I wanted to say.
Sometimes I wonder how satisfying any practically possible life for me could be (if I was young, no body image problems/didn't have to worry about unrequited attraction, no self-consciousness in public, a community of like-minded people who shared my worldview, etc.), there's this boredom with life that, for me, comes with masturbatory abstinence that I might be able to cure with increased ejaculation that would come at too high of a cost so I wonder if that has something to do with it (I know this is starting to sound so weird). There are times when life doesn't seem as though it could, for a long time, be really satisfying. I know that I would enjoy some practical casual sex encounters that would mean a lot to me but I don't think I could do a real life 'romance' so beyond however long that would last what would it take to satisfy me long-term? A world with pink skies, unicorns, magic, being able to experimentally experience life as a butterfly or a dolphin or to live in a pre-industrial world (I don't know why the idea of living in a world with magic in pre-industrial settings is exciting to me, maybe because it would be a simpler lifestyle; one we can't have with high technology- I'm not going to elaborate on this point. I realize that a pre-industrial lifestyle without magic would be hell), to go on magical adventures with the smurfs and live in their village (I was never into the smurfs, I just like the idea of living with these little blue people)? If that became reality and was normal, could even that eventually bore me? I don't think I could go wrong with a really beautiful dream (with typical non-lucid dream cognition) that lasted for years, even with this kind of organic insensitivity to pleasurable stimuli that I seem to have (the nature of dream cognition is arguably more conductive to happiness). The next best thing might be if I could live out my life as a young man in an '80s movie with era-appropriate background music. I would really like a community of like-minded people who took non-human animal happiness seriously and didn't make me their one exception (in terms of valuing the happiness of sentient beings), who agreed with me on the epistemic justification for the everyone's/only happiness is inherently good view (personal experience) and on what it basically implies.
"It doesn't help that i now have physical issues too due to the years of isolation i can't move as good as i used to and i have had tinnitus since 2022."
I have tinnititus at times but, so far, it must be mild compared to what others go through because it doesn't really bother me that much. I was scared it would become an issue but once I got through the first night, it rarely concerned me again. Restless leg syndrome used to make my life near constant torture before I stopped avoiding it, now when it comes it normally doesn't take too long before it goes away. I used to have a back problem (it would probably still be an issue if I tried lifting something really heavy or engaging in some physically strenuous activity. Actually, it's somewhat of an issue today/the last couple of days or so) but I don't think that would be an issue now in terms of trying to work. Who knows what will come in future (some new medical issue, maybe tinnitus or rls or whatever will come back or get worse. My sinuses are annoying, they come in August and it has sometimes been like an actual cold or virus I'd want to stay home for if I had a job). Even just chronically dry, sticky lips would make functioning, socially, in public, difficult.
As for work, I tried self-publishing some books (2 children's short story collections and one 'philosophy' book for adults) and they all failed in terms of sales so I can't live off kdp amazon. If I'm not homeless, it will probably be a minimum wage/manual labor future for me and I'll basically be starting out in the workplace as a middle-aged man with virtually no job experience (I only have a high school diploma, I was expelled from college after missing too many classes; I used to avoid class because I didn't want to deal with indirect criticism of my appearance). I truly hope that my parents at least leave me the house (I'm the only one who actually 'needs' it) but I wouldn't be surprised if they don't.