MAP Forum

Posted: **Tue Jan 14, 2025 7:16 am**

This may be a very controversial post but i feel the question needs to be asked.

Would you have sympathy or empathy for a map who molested/sexually forced themselves onto a child if they genuinely feel bad about what they have done and regret their actions?

Edit decided to add more context to this post.

So the idea of this thought provoking post came to me after thinking back to Humbert in the Lolita novel who is a flawed morally grey complex character.

In some parts of the book he and Dolores Haze have consensual sex and she is a willing participant but in other parts of the book Humbert does sexually assault and even force himself onto Dolores but at the very end of the book he does apologize for his actions.

So the question here is would you feel sorry for someone like Humbert if he was a real person given that his character in the book is not completely good or bad?

Also lets use a hypothetical real life example say there is a map who is a good person and is trying not to offend but they become desperate and mentally snap one day due to all the pedo hate in society and it gets to the point where they just say fuck it i have nothing left to lose and they abuse a child and act out but later on regret what they have done and genuinely feel bad about it.

So the question here is how would you feel?

Would you feel bad for that person?

As for me this topic is so complex i don't think i can give a definitive yes or no tbh.

Posted: **Tue Jan 14, 2025 3:01 pm**

What do you mean by "molest"? Are you talking about someone who forced themselves on the child?

Posted: **Tue Jan 14, 2025 5:58 pm**

If he actually raped/lured/groomed/pressured/coerced a child, no. If he believed that what he was doing was wrong at the time, no.

If it was consensual and he saw nothing wrong with it at the time, and for some reason he later came to regret it - either by learning about the stigma or because he got arrested, publically shamed, and underwent psychiatric reevaluation sessions that have caused him to view it as wrong then yeah I would have compassion for him.

I would only have compassion in the former case for the fact that I believe people can change and learn from their bad behaviors, but I would still would not feel bad for him.

Posted: **Tue Jan 14, 2025 8:34 pm**

I believe in the abolishment of the age of consent. I feel bad for people who "molest" children (with real "basic" consent) because, if caught, they'll be unfairly prosecuted and have their lives ruined.

Posted: **Wed Jan 15, 2025 1:27 am**

Fragment wrote: Tue Jan 14, 2025 3:01 pm What do you mean by "molest"? Are you talking about someone who forced themselves on the child?

Yes

Posted: **Wed Jan 15, 2025 1:50 am**

If somebody forces themself on a child, then I do not feel bad for that person. I feel bad for the child. But if they truly feel bad for what they have done, then that is good. They should feel bad. Perhaps they can then learn to be better people.

Posted: **Wed Jan 15, 2025 2:02 am**

Everybody deserves the right to compassion if they have genuinely reflected on their actions and feel true remorse. That doesn't mean compassion is easy to come by. I hold grudges over small conflicts and go to war over things most people would simply let go, so I very much understand why many people cannot feel compassion for a person who has engaged in what they believe to be one of the most horrific acts possible.

Posted: **Wed Jan 15, 2025 10:55 am**

Yes, 100%.

I would also feel compassion for someone who murdered or robbed or committed any crime if they genuinely felt remorse. I'm not particularly religious but it's one thing that stuck with my, after all everyone makes mistakes and has regrets, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" so to speak.

One of the most moving things I read was by a parent many years ago who's child was killed and the parent spoke of her forgiveness for the person responsible. It made me question if I could have a heart that big and I don't think I could, but that makes me feel less than that mother. Anybody can blame and hate, but to forgive something like that takes a giant of compassion and love.

Posted: **Wed Jan 15, 2025 11:31 am**

If it was a case of forced, or even violent contact then I find it reprehensible.

But life isn't as simple as "good guys" and "bad guys". People have reasons for what they do, undiagnosed mental illness plays a role in a lot of crimes.I think many people that are sexually active with minors believe what they are doing is "in bounds". Some of them do have distorted values regarding sex, but many also have legitimate reasons for believing that what they do is "okay" morally (whether it actually is or not).

If they are truly remorseful, then I feel for them. They are likely going through hell with very little support. Their punishment is very likely much worse than their crime. They are punished and made into non-humans; there is no talk of rehabilitation for them and no-one cheering if they somehow manage to turn their life around into a success. The person that gives a willing teenage boy a blowjob, or has a 15-year-old girlfriend (and plans to marry them when they are older) is conflated with the person that abducts a 6-year-old and rapes them, or adopts a child to keep as a sex slave. Most criminal cases are closer to the former category, but the latter are the biggest cases so they make the biggest splash on the news.

I feel compassion for most people arrested for AMSC, but there are a few people that I struggle to feel bad for. When I watched a documentary about Danny Heinrich (Jacob Wetterling's murderer) back in September I had this to say on BoyChat:

Not fun to watch. Not only did Jacob not deserve to die for going out at night to rent a movie, but this asshole is one of the reasons that sex offender registries are as punitive as they are. The police messed up the investigation, but this piece of shit pulled the trigger and shot Jacob. And then lived his life as a free man for 27 years (though he cried after committing murder, so that means he's not a monster...)

It's hard watching and seeing what feels like a kind of twisted reflection of your own desire. Just because he also found boys attractive. I have nothing in common with him yet society would put us in the same basket. And internalized stigma even has me question what I might be capable of for a cute boy. Even though I know- not that. Nor anything like it.

What straight man would look at Ted Bundy and reflect on their own feelings with shame? What straight man would feel guilty for recognizing that a rape and murder victim was attractive? How comprehensively the antis control the narrative. Even though I've never considered my attraction to boys inherently bad, watching this made me feel a degree of shame. Because unlike some situational offenders, this guy was attracted to boys. Not all MAPs are offenders. Not all offenders are monsters. But this guy was a MAP, and offender AND a monster. Monsters come in all sexual orientations.

The comments at the end about civil commitment also made me feel conflicted, too. I'm strongly against civil commitment, especially when it terms non-violent offenders as "sexually violent predators". But this asshole is a murderer only serving time for CP charges. He had his 27 years roaming free after his crime. He should die in prison. But no murder charge is the deal the prosecutor made in order to find Jacob's remains. As much as I want this piece of shit to rot, I can't support a system as unjust as civil commitment just to punish someone that I detest.

But Heinrich's crime was shooting a boy because he was worried he'd get caught. His crime has caused so many MAPs who have had to register so much pain. I can never forgive him for either of those.

Posted: **Wed Jan 15, 2025 6:51 pm**

I feel bad that sometimes abused children will grow up to be abusive because the behavior is engrained into their spirit.
I feel no compassion for someone who can physically hurt a child or cause them to cry in fear.
If the child molester wanted to kill himself and hated himself and was inconsolably apologetic, then I might feel sympathy for a moment, but I don't think that happens very often, sincerely.

If the child "victim" of the "child molester" was like, no wait I love him! He's my hero and the greatest person on earth, please don't hate him!
Then I would feel some compassion yes.

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