Note on Fragment's posts

[BLueRibbon]

Due to a mental health breakdown caused by his personal circumstances, Fragment has suddenly decided to delete his posts here. I wish to assure everyone that this is a mental health event, rather than something about which members need to be alarmed in terms of their own personal safety.

I hope you will join me in wishing Fragment the best at this incredibly difficult point in his life.

[FairBlueLove]

I'm so sorry to hear that, mainly for Fragment's health, but also because of the loss of his great contributions. He will be missed a lot.

I wish him all the best! Hugs!

[Fragment]

For some context.

Here's what I posted on B4um:

I broke yesterday. This last week I started showing manic symptoms, but I didn't pick up on them and thought I could ride it out. I started going to bed too late and operating on 5 hours sleep. I was talking more. I was actively engaged in my daily life more than I had been in a while. It probably looked like finally I was getting happier again, but they were signs of approaching mania.

I had a meeting with my new court appointed lawyer in the morning. Dealing with my appeal is so hard. I just want it all to be over. I want to forget about what I did with those boys. I'm sure they want me to forget, too. It's not a good memory for anyone anymore. But I continue having to face it.

Talking to my lawyer, in addition to some some interactions with a few MAPs online made me feel so horrible. My mania took over, while still having the self-loathing of depression. A "mixed episode" they call it. You have the energy of mania, but the negative outlook of depression. I deleted all my posts on Mu. I deleted two pediverse accounts. I posted on BM and VoA asking them to delete my account. And that's just the online chaos.

I was also ready to submit paperwork to the court to 1) withdraw my appeal without even talking to my lawyer about it so I'd be going to prison immediately and 2) to divorce my wife because "she deserves better than me".

Bipolar is scary. It influenced my actions with those boys and helped put me in the situation I'm in. But even taking medication my psychiatrist prescribes religiously it seems I can still be hit by a heavy dose of mania. What's going to happen if I have an episode like this while in prison. The thought terrifies me.

And on pedi:

That was scary… how quickly I spiralled into mania.

I was ready to withdraw my appeal and file divorce paperwork. Neither of which do I actually want to do. I’m glad it hit me on a weekend so the only damage I did was online. But that’s still quite a bit of damage. I deleted all my posts on Mu. 6 months of hard work. I deleted my yesmap fedi account and would’ve deleted this but I couldn’t remember my password/email combination. I posted hateful things in a few places and requested other accounts be deleted.

I’ve been taking all my medication properly. But I haven’t been sleeping enough. This episode confirms that it is really bipolar though. Sometimes I doubted my diagnosis. Sometimes I doubted whether I was using my mental illness as a crutch to excuse my illegal behavior.

My bipolar is real. It is scary. It makes me not me. It helped put me in this position where my life is in tatters. I guess I can only hope that if I have further manic episodes that they end with me deleting posts online and not breaking laws, quitting jobs or going into thousands of dollars of debt gambling…

[Fragment]

I was well on my way to 1000 posts if I wasn't there already.

Oh well. If I can get a back up of them, even if they can't return as posts, I think I'll use them for my University project.

[FairBlueLove]

Thanks Fragment for providing more context. That's quite a turmoil indeed.
I really hope your posts have been backed up and hope that, if/when you will feel comfortable enough, they could be re-integrated in the threads. But, it goes without saying, real life first of all.

[RoosterDance]

I was about to say that I just listened to your Little Nicky interview, and thank you for sharing your story.
I can see this is still affecting you greatly.

[Fragment]

We’ve been able to recover my posts, but I don’t think we’ll be able to reintegrate them into the database. It’d need a back up, which means losing the last couple of days of posts. That wouldn’t be fair to the members that have posted in that time period.

I have all the post content though. I’ll look into integrating them into either new posts or a new website all together.