MAP Forum

Ok, so I've been dealing with something over the last year and it's an issue that is just so embarrassing to talk about and such a sensitive topic that it's a conversation that can pretty much only be had with a doctor.. but unfortunately I don't have one.

To put it bluntly... My penis is shrinking. .. also, I'm frequently pulling down my pants and finding my foreskin over the head of my penis.. I am circumcised and in 35 years I have never dealt with that in my life. Period. ..

My erections have also become extremely infrequent.. it's common to go multiple days without getting an erection.

My penis has always been an above average size.. it's always hung and had pretty good length even when it was flaccid, and when it was erect, it was a good strong erection about 8 inches.

But over the last year it has dramatically decreased in size.. today as an example, I went in to use the bathroom and my foreskin was completely over the head of my penis, and my penis was basically just a short little nub sticking out.

I am freaking the fuck out man.

Okay, so here's some things for context and background, I'm 6 ft tall, 205 lbs, in my late 30s.. and have always been extremely healthy and athletic.. I am on some medications that can have a decrease in libido and contribute to erectile dysfunction.. with that said, I've been on them for a long time and it's really never been an issue in the past.

I have also gained a lot of weight recently, about 50 lb in the last year.. I'll spare all the details, but about a year ago I was too skinny, and now that I have a car and I'm walking much less and eating more, I gained a bunch of weight.

And the one last thing I'll say, I also got the vaccination.. which is one of the biggest regrets in my life. Because I've always been extremely healthy, and never get the flu or anything like that.

I just finally gave in after like 2 years and had a weak moment.. then like 2 weeks later, everything just went back to normal, no mandates, no mask.. just business as usual. And I felt so duped, and so stupid that I fell for it.

And I'm starting to wonder if perhaps the vaccine has anything to do with it.

And of course being a map, it's rare that I feel horny, get erections and masturbate.. because frankly there's nothing that really turns me on, except little girls. I don't have a little girlfriend, and I don't have any access to material that would make me aroused. ..

I would say I masturbate maybe like once every two weeks. I am still able to get an erection when I'm really in the mood, and I am able to ejaculate and still have some pretty good orgasms. But it's just really infrequent.

Okay, so that's pretty much everything that's going on..
And I'm really hoping someone can give me any insight, have any of you dealt with this at all? .. did you perhaps get the vaccine and maybe having some of the same issues?

Have you experienced anything like this lately? Have you experienced anything like this in your life?

Do you think it could be from all the weight I've gained? Is it maybe a low testosterone situation, and now that I'm getting close to 40?

Ughh .. life is just so hard enough.. and at least one of the consolations has always been that I've been very happy with things down there and how they functioned.

But now things have taken such a dramatic turn, and it's only over the last year. I literally have never dealt with it before in my life and I'm just really freaking out.

Any help or insight whatsoever would be greatly appreciated

Why no doctor? What prohibits you form having one?

Apparently, men's penises shrink over time but I'm assuming that's supposed to be gradual (your height also lowers with age). My testicles have shrunk radically over the years, I first noticed how small they had become when I was 36, I believe (I'm 39 now). They sag and there's so much extra skin.

This has been the year from hell for me (in terms of mood; mid-life despair and grief over lost youth and opportunities, depression, surreal body dysphoria, on most days I'm sexually numb and filled with this deep boredom with life, etc. and really hitting the wall. I've never been consistently attractive and I haven't had an attractive-enough body in years, if I ever did, but my face has visibly aged and there will be no more relatively attractive face periods like I had just last year).

I haven't had an erection in years (it is the harshest thing in the world to try to stroke a completely flaccid penis. It is devastating beyond belief). I was 34, if not younger, the last time I was physically capable of sex. I haven't tried medication or kegel exercises, mind you, because if they don't work I have no hope left (you might want to look into them. I don't know what the side effects of medication might be. You might be interested in this tablet called 'blue chew').

I caught a glimpse of myself in the closet door reflection downstairs and I was completely shocked at how unattractive I am. My clothes look so overly baggy and awkward, my hair is a lot messier than it seems in the upstairs bathroom mirror, I have thick neanderthal-looking brows and I look so shockingly unattractive from the sides especially. The sight of myself and the realization of my situation filled me with panic, I can't focus or think; I'm scatterbrained, I've lost my appetite, it doesn't seem as though I'll ever be able to have a sexual fantasy or crush on someone ever again (I posted a dream thread not so long ago, I couldn't have done that in my current mood. I'm not interested in anything, I'll go through the motions of watching The Lower Deck and reading the third Harry Potter book later but nothing can cause me pleasure). I could maybe deal with being an unattractive middle aged man if it weren't for the constant indirect/ambiguous criticism and mocking of my appearance that I've experienced since I was 17 (about my hair, eyes, lips, weight, posture, face/hands-rest of body color contrast, social anxiety neck twitch, balding, skinny wrists, etc.); the reason why I was kicked out of college, fired from a job that lasted only 6 months, and haven't left the house since 2010/2011. At some point I came to think that the official pretense was supposed to be that I was so greatly privileged and attractive that I needed to be humbled or was so otherwise attractive that feeling bad about my flaws was supposed to be balanced out by appreciating that or however the logic exactly might go but people did this even when I was objectively very conventionally unattractive and I have never, ever seen them do this to factually more conventionally attractive men or, at my peak, equally attractive men, so I never, ever figured out what was so special about me when they had no idea what my body looked like underneath my clothing and there are/were plenty of straight women who, on the basis of appearance alone, would reject me in a heart beat (they've critiqued/mocked things that would either turn a lot of women off, being really, non-trivially unattractive, or they would at least prefer men without those flaws), so why me alone? Even decades later I just cannot emotionally process the objective unfairness of it all.

If it weren't for that maybe I could just accept aging as I always assumed I would age and I would be in the same boat as everyone else but how am I STILL the only person privileged enough for this unique leveling down when I couldn't hold a candle to factually more conventionally attractive men (they're not even just 'more attractive,' I'm not conventionally attractive to any degree. I have a bald area at the back of my head and thinning hair, red eyes, chronically dry lips, I'm overly skinny, I have belly fat, butt cellulite and dimples/fat, thick; very unattractive stretch marks all over my armpit/chest area and on my actual biceps, 4 boil scars on my torso, various acne scars including one on my right bicep, a nasty; deep one on my left hip and another huge one on my right thigh, scars on the side of my left hip and on my ass, this weird bump thing on my toe, this ugly wart-looking thing on the palm of my hand, unattractive stretch marks on my ass/sides of ass, a pale splotch next to one of the boil scars, a black patch on my penis, little bumps on my foreskin, etc. -that's not all, but even besides that I just don't have an aesthetically pleasing face, never mind body).

On my soul, until the day that I am dead and buried, I will never, ever stop criticizing conventional morality because of the hell that other human beings have put me through (the constant indirect critique and mocking of my appearance that has made me so self-conscious about it and fixated on every minor or serious issue. My vengeance is rejecting the idea that anything other than suffering is inherently bad, or that not everyone deserves peace and happiness or that happiness only has value under certain conditions. I cannot even begin to relate to the kind of personality that just feels no guilt or remorse whatsoever about even possibly making someone feel self-conscious about their appearance or introducing/exacerbating body image problems, I couldn't even begin to imagine how I could go about justifying constantly telling someone that their appearance is bad or mocking features that we generally find unattractive and not how you would want to look). The body dysphoria, humiliation and sexual frustration (via erectile dysfunction and just unrequited attraction. Again, I'll never understand how people rationalize their behavior. Imagine being a conventionally attractive woman and dancing around in skimpy outfits, knowing that men are generally attracted to you, and actually being brutal and callous enough to mock or critique the appearance of a man who's less attractive than you and probably attracted to you just by virtue of presumably being a heterosexual male. It's easier to deal with and make sense of as passive-aggression rather than just sheer obliviousness as to what that would to do most people, as if you've never even heard of the concept of social anxiety-fear of being negatively judged by others, self-consciousness, or body dysphoria, and people did this regularly when they could see that I was visibly shy, it's completely unbelievable) I've experienced (among other things) is worse than having mutually pleasurable sex with an adult you're attracted to in some fantasy scenario where it won't lead to any long-term trauma. It's morally worse to constantly try to prime someone to feel bad about about their appearance or to persuade them that it shouldn't be a source of happiness by obsessively critiquing it (or to mock their presumed displays of social anxiety which my father does regularly even as he used to advice me about getting help for my 'social phobia disorder,' the 'disease' that amuses him, it's never been clear to me if he'll hint at how I carry my hands to 'help' me with my self-consciousness; by advising me to put them in my pockets which I would only do if I felt self-conscious about them to begin with so the advice is clearly pretentious in its incoherency or because he thinks that it looks unattractive or because he's just amused by someone's discomfort but either way I was never self-conscious about them, indoors at least, before he started) and humiliate them on a daily basis or make them so self-conscious that it's difficult for them to leave the house than it is to have sex with a child in some scenario where you could reasonably assume that it would be pleasurable for them and cause them no long-term pain, how is that not obvious to everyone?

When it comes to your health though, I would advise you to masturbate more often, maybe once every 24-47 hours. There's a use it or lose it principle when it comes to sexuality and I notice that my 'erections' are even worse when I abstain from masturbation for more than 47 hours (the absolute worst frequency is between 47 and 72 hours, I think it's because sexual stimulation is a physiological need for the body and that's when withdrawal symptoms are at their peak).