MAP Forum

I started writing this as part of my intro, but decided the entire story would be better suited for a new topic.

Back in October 2022, I came out on Instagram with 140k followers with an essay destigmatising attraction to minors. Initially, I had the essay on my website which was linked in my bio. Some antis found out about it and started a big smear campaign against me, making posts with bits of my essay taken out of context, (the obligatory) painting me as a rapist, pretending that they "exposed" me, and encouraging their followers to harass me and to warn everyone about me. They even started messaging my followers directly. I found out because one of my followers whom they messaged called out their bullshit and warned me about it.

To defend myself against this smear campaign, I posted the essay on my story so people would see what I actually wrote rather than this fabricated, false image of me, making it obvious that the posts they were making about me were complete bullshit designed to damage my reputation. After that, I got a lot of support from my followers. They would call out the people attacking me in comment sections both on my posts and theirs.

The essay was ten slides. Only one of the slides was removed. I saved it as a highlight, and it still lives on my page to this day.

At the worst point, I was receiving harassing messages every five to ten seconds. This went on for a day while the rate gradually decreased. Between those harassing messages, I would occasionally also get supportive messages, a lot of which were quite long and detailed. Some of the supportive messages I received came from fellow csa survivors and psychotherapists, telling me that everything I said is correct and thanking me for talking about this openly. One supportive message came from a particular famous social psychologist who had been following me for a long time whom I won't name. Also got some messages from MAPs who hadn't come to terms with themselves yet and who were enormously grateful, telling me that my essay had helped them understand and accept themselves.

I still have over a hundred of screenshots of all these supportive messages, and reading through them, I always feel that, in the end, it was all worth it despite the toll it took on my mental health. Eventually, I got somewhat desensitised to the harassment which went on for weeks, but the supportive messages really touched me. I also didn't hesitate to post every supportive message I got anonymously on my story to really drive the point home.

The story posts had tens of thousands of views and countless likes. After everything had cooled down again, the follower count had dropped by 20k, so I was left with 120k. If I had posted the essay on my story directly, the number of unfollows would have likely been a lot smaller since the smear campaign depended on people not actually reading the entire essay.

Epilogue:
After a break of a couple of months, I went back to regular posting, the essay always being my first story highlight. I had lost a couple thousand followers during that break which is normal when one doesn't post for a couple months with that many followers. During my break, a horrible algorithm update happened that made it very difficult to keep growing. I still kept losing followers for a couple of weeks despite daily posting before my follower count started going up steadily again. After some more months, I didn't feel like posting anymore because it was taking many hours of work every single day and, after having been active for 6 years, I deactivated my account on 11 March 2024.

How brave of you coming out publicly

i myself have not been able to even talk about my attraction to anyone, Since I was little I had to grow with my thoughts silently which sometimes made me down, but coming out here recenly has helped me accept more myself because I have not felt judged.

Hope the time comes for every MAP to express their feeling and love freely

A while ago I was doing a survey to develop a risk assessment for coming out. Your experience could really add to it. Would you be interested in participating?

liliets wrote: Mon Feb 10, 2025 1:37 am How brave of you coming out publicly

i myself have not been able to even talk about my attraction to anyone, Since I was little I had to grow with my thoughts silently which sometimes made me down, but coming out here recenly has helped me accept more myself because I have not felt judged.

Hope the time comes for every MAP to express their feeling and love freely

It's great to hear that you've found some comfort in sharing your feelings here Finding a supportive community can make a big difference in accepting and understanding oneself. It's important to have spaces where people can express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. The hope for a future where everyone can love and express themselves freely is a beautiful aspiration Remember, you're not alone in your journey, and there are many people who share similar experiences and feelings. If you ever want to talk more about it or explore your thoughts, we're here to listen

PorcelainLark wrote: Mon Feb 10, 2025 7:37 pm A while ago I was doing a survey to develop a risk assessment for coming out. Your experience could really add to it. Would you be interested in participating?

Sure! Where can I find this survey?

Julia wrote: Mon Feb 10, 2025 11:06 pm

liliets wrote: Mon Feb 10, 2025 1:37 am How brave of you coming out publicly

i myself have not been able to even talk about my attraction to anyone, Since I was little I had to grow with my thoughts silently which sometimes made me down, but coming out here recenly has helped me accept more myself because I have not felt judged.

Hope the time comes for every MAP to express their feeling and love freely

It's great to hear that you've found some comfort in sharing your feelings here Finding a supportive community can make a big difference in accepting and understanding oneself. It's important to have spaces where people can express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. The hope for a future where everyone can love and express themselves freely is a beautiful aspiration Remember, you're not alone in your journey, and there are many people who share similar experiences and feelings. If you ever want to talk more about it or explore your thoughts, we're here to listen

Thank you

Julia wrote: Mon Feb 10, 2025 11:08 pm Sure! Where can I find this survey?

I'll post the questions here, and if you like you can either answer here or I'll temporarily put my email up if you would prefer to answer privately. Also feel free to skip questions that make you uncomfortable or that you don't know the answer to.

Neutral experiences:

Roughly what proportion of the people you came out to had neither enthusiastic nor hostile reactions?
What relationship(s) did you have with these people? (e.g. family members, work colleagues)
What were the ages of those with whom you had neutral experiences?
What was the education level of those with whom you had neutral experiences?
What was the economic status of those with whom you had neutral experiences?
What was the cultural background of those with whom you had neutral experiences?
Can you recall examples of people who were neutral towards you without deliberately trying to treat you fairly?
If so, can you recall any beliefs, aspects of personality and/or character traits of those who were indifferent to MAPs by default?


Negative experiences:

Were there any people who initially reacted positively or neutrally, but later became negative towards you? If so, roughly what proportion do you feel were like this?
In retrospect, do you feel there were any signs that would have indicated if a person would react negatively to you coming out?
What were the ages of those with whom you had negative experiences?
What was the education level of those with whom you had negative experiences?
What was the economic status of those with whom you had negative experiences?
What was the cultural background of those with whom you had negative experiences?
Whose negative reaction was most unexpected? (e.g. a family member, a therapist etc.)
Whose negative reaction was most expected? (e.g. a family member, a therapist etc.)
Did any of those who initially reacted negatively, change their mind at later point?
If so, what do you feel distinguished them from those that didn't change their mind?


Positive experiences:

Roughly what proportion of reactions were positive?
What were the ages of those with whom you had positive experiences?
What was the education level of those with whom you had positive experiences?
What was the economic status of those with whom you had positive experiences?
What was the cultural background of those with whom you had positive experiences?
Whose positive reaction was most expected?
Whose positive reactions were least expected?
Of the people who you came out to, roughly how many stayed long-term friends?
What qualities do you feel distinguishes a long-term ally to MAPs (e.g. beliefs, character, personality)?


There's no rush either. Thanks for taking an interest, I appreciate it.

This sounds like the kind of thing that could make a really great Guest Blog.

I'd especially be interested in seeing more of the details- what your essay entailed and some of the best supportive responses you received.

It would be great if you'd consider it.

PorcelainLark wrote: Tue Feb 11, 2025 2:36 am

Julia wrote: Mon Feb 10, 2025 11:08 pm Sure! Where can I find this survey?

I'll post the questions here, and if you like you can either answer here or I'll temporarily put my email up if you would prefer to answer privately. Also feel free to skip questions that make you uncomfortable or that you don't know the answer to.

I have started writing answers to some of these questions, but given the unique situation, most answers require a lot of detailed explanation, so this is going to take a while to finish but, again because of the unique situation, I'm sure my answers will be of high value. I am looking forward to submitting my answers once I'm done.

Fragment wrote: Tue Feb 11, 2025 4:40 am This sounds like the kind of thing that could make a really great Guest Blog.

I'd especially be interested in seeing more of the details- what your essay entailed and some of the best supportive responses you received.

It would be great if you'd consider it.

I agree, this is indeed a pretty good idea, Fragment. I'd definitely be up for that. While I don't know if I still have the essay in text format somewhere, I think I could list the main points from the top of my head. The supportive responses I'd be very glad to share. I'm sure many here would feel encouraged reading through them. I think I might also still have some of the negative reactions that I replied to. I'm quite busy lately with lots of things, but as I'm quite looking forward to this, I will give it relatively high priority on my todo list. Thanks for the suggestion!

I'm not too familiar with writing blogs. Can you please tell me more of what you have in mind there? Like should I do it in one of our own spaces, or use a classic blogging website for this?

edit: typos