MAP Forum

I’ve been really struggling over the last few days with the idea that I might never be able to have young boys that I am close to ever again. There is a really strong sense of grief that goes with that.

I know that despite my legal situation there are still things to live for (my family) and that I’ll still be able to enjoy things in life. I’m not depressed and suicidal the way I was in February.

But I feel like my life as a BL is over. Nothing to do with sex. But rather living as myself authentically. Feeling my true self, in the way I only do around boys. I lost so many connections and for what? An orgasm (and not even mine).

What do other people who have been through similar experiences say about it?

That is tragic... I hadn't thought about that aspect of your predicament.

The closest that happened to me is when relatives of my ex-girlfriend stopped wanting me to be in their little daughter's presence (she was actually a tad too young for me) because I had cooked pasta alla puttanesca and lightheartedly explained the meaning while she was in the room. They definitely thought it was no joking matter.

Perhaps you might be able to find some solace in anonymous/pseudonymous online interactions? Surely nowhere as satisfying as being with young boys physically, but maybe better than nothing?

Otherwise, what I'm personally doing these days given that my ill health prevents me from making YFs is writing fiction. Composing romantic and erotic prose involving imaginary little girls helps quite a bit to fill the void in my heart.