MAP Forum

This world is one big fuck for me, I am really tired and I don't even want to live to the age of 21 and I planned to die at 18 but I wasn't able to do it.

Everyday I am really tired, and I find it hard to do anything but my mother says to "talk to more people" and today I tried to. I am not hating on women becayse it's the sane with most males too but today I was at this event for business owners, there to just help my mother and so I tried to talk to these women near my age and I flopped it which is not surprising, the conversations went nowhere and I was asking about what they did along with college.

This is honestly why I prefer to talk to children, they are more honest and I don't have to be constantly paranoid and be tactical about what I say when I talk to then, the few times I do.

And now I have to get my GED which I don't want to do at all, I live in a undesirable and packed place in a city I was forced to move to 8 years ago and I've hated it since and constantly I pray and pray to the gods and I can't find it to kill myself, I've been trying since I was 13 and never succeeded like and there are so many more things to list I am not mentioning because it would either reveal my information or it would make this an essay.


At this point I feel like I an just on a tinelimit, I just wanna go to Asphodel, Hel, Kur or whatever because this shit is so stressful.

I'm about twice your age (fuck that hurts to type). And I've had friendships with countless boys as YFs.

Sexual activity comes with a huge risk, so cannot be recommended, but platonic relationships can help your life feel like it's worth living. It did for me.

Challenges that are primarily internal are something that you can tackle. If you were dealing with illness, prison or other external barriers than can't be changed by changing your actions/ thinking I'd feel differently. But you're in a situation where you are free to make positive changes.

That sounds really hard but it's more common than you might think, you really aren't alone.

I used to be like that, it has taken a long time but life has led me to learn to be confident and better around people and now I'm fine with it. I still often prefer my own company, but we evolve over time and the most impossible things we face at one stage of life becomes almost irrelevant later in life. That's why it's important to never give up on life because the future does get better. There were times in my life that I wanted it to end but if it had then I would have missed out on so much and usually from directions and places I never would have imagined.

I see life as an expedition into unchartered lands. The road ahead looks very long and very hard and our current situation can feel like it's breaking us, but somewhere ahead there are amazing views and discoveries that we can't even imagine until we get to them.

I agree with these guys. You've still got a lot of life to experience. It would be folly to give up now.
Meaning, purpose, and happiness can be hard to find. Furthermore, no one else can really help you. It has to come from within yourself.
Your mother made a good suggestion when she said talk to more people. But here's another idea, try some new things. Ever been hiking, for example?

Have you been on anti-depressants before? They helped me get my life more together, because I was too anxious and depressed to do anything.

Energy-wise, have you been getting regular sleep, exercise, fresh air, and eating healthily? I've found having consistent sleep deprivation has a negative effect on my mood, my attitude towards life and towards others.

Concerning connecting with others, I'd say trying to force it won't make you happy. Also, what are you paranoid about/tactical for? because of being a MAP? or something else?

Regarding the GED, once the equivalent of high school is finished, you'll feel a lot freer. Maybe in the long run, if you hate the overcrowding of the city you could move to somewhere rural, take up camping, or go traveling.