MAP Forum

Did you had the chance to be a NON-MAP and later on to become a MAP?
Questions:

1.How was your perception about pedophiles when you wasn't a pedophile (while you was non-map).

2. How is your perception now about pedophiles after you've become a MAP.

My view over those questions:
1) I remember my perception about pedos was like "how they like this", and the negative news from media made my perception about word to be pedophile=not good. I believed a pedophile is always a boy-man lover and never girls involved. In media was mentioned about pedophiles catched having intimate relationships with boys. Sincerely I couldn't understand what is so attractive for a man to like a minor, but the stigma was created by the media, so in my mind the word pedophile was like a bad thing because the media is demonizing pedophiles. Now I can say that my perception about Gay people was somehow similar, because I couldn't understand how is to feel the love for a man and the society would make hateful comments about this category also. Now I can tell that I was somehow neutral during non-map period and I was washed on brains by media how awful is pedophilia and being non heterosexual.

2) I started to fall in love with minors when my age was 35+ years. So this time I just had to replace the meaning of pedophilia to something beautiful but it took some time because society created already a bad meaning for this word. Now I am identifying with this word because I know it means love for children and is quite amazing. So my perception over pedophiles changed because now I know what it means, is that huge amount of love for minors. Knowings how it feels, even if I'm not gay, I know the love between a boy-man is ok because I know how I feel for minor girls. What I can't understand is why non-map persons can't make this fairness thinking for all minorities? Is same thing.

1) I don't think I really thought about MAPs at all. I liked younger guys from about 13, then I realized I liked younger guys at about 16. But I just saw that as a "gay" think. Prior to realizing I liked guys I was casually homophobic. I didn't really have strong opinions other than it was "wrong" or "gross". It took me probably a year after realizing I liked guys to even think about "anal sex" as something possibly appealing. Somehow, while liking GUYS was a problem, I never really had a problem with liking younger guys. It's just always what I've been interested in, so if I accept my own sexuality, it means accepting being a MAP.

2) I'm a hebephile so part of me is still curious about how people could be that interested in pre-pubescent minors. I probably still have a small level of prejudice against pedophiles because they like "pre-sexual" kids, whereas the boys I like are "sexual". I know in my head that there's plenty of evidence that kids can enjoy sexuality pre-adolescence. I also know that pedophiles didn't choose their orientation any more than I did. But on the tough days I wish that teen sexuality could just be accepted, whatever the cost to other MAPs. As I said above, though, when traumatic feelings of selfishness don't overcome me then I want to support all my fellow MAPs. I see our orientation as an orientation. It isn't harmful to have an attraction.

1.How was your perception about pedophiles when you wasn't a pedophile (while you was non-map).

Pedophile. I still don't like that word. Just call me MAP or BL. When I first heard the word "pedophile" I must have been a teen. There was no negative ( or positive ) connotation to it. I just learned what it was and had no particular hatred for it. But I also knew what child abuse was and I knew I was against it. But eventually the media started to paint a very unpleasant image of pedophiles in my head because it was described as one who sexually abused kids. Not just one who has those feelings. So when I came as gay I would often try to distance myself from the "horrible pedophile" because I knew that many thought that gays molested kids and I knew that wasn't true. Even thought I had the attraction.

2. How is your perception now about pedophiles after you've becoming a MAP?

I became a MAP? I don't know if I ever "became a MAP". I just gradually realized that I was very attracted to minors. And most of the adults that I am attracted to are also younger than me. But I no longer carry any bad feelings towards pedos. Because I now realize that the media does not portray pedophiles accurately.