Hi! Here to discuss
Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2025 10:59 pm
I'm a male MAP in my 20s from Europe. I'm interested in discussing our place in the world. This is the first community for MAPs that I join; it attracted me for being a public forum and somewhat politics-oriented (as opposed to smalltalk or illegal stuff), but I don't know how it compares to others like B4UAct (because they are private).
Originally I wanted to join VirPed; what discouraged me is a blogpost by BlueRibbon (if I remember correctly) and the fact that the public sees it with suspicion. I'm sure many of its members really are virtuous people, though. I like to be honest: I read TOC's book and, while I may disagree with some of it, I cannot unread it. I no longer feel that visceral reaction against paedophilia that we all began with.
For me, there are very good reasons not to act on my desire (to which I am committed), having nothing to do with a particular set of beliefs:
1. It is likely to harm the child; it doesn't matter if the harm is direct or indirect.
2. It is very risky for me.
3. It scares me to even think that I might do something like that.
4. Acting on one's fantasies is not a human right; there are alternative ways to satisfy oneself.
5. I'm also attracted to adults.
I've been in a state of half-denial since 13. Unfortunately, looking up in the internet "Am i a pedophile?" you are gaslighted into thinking that you have POCD (that sure is a real condition, but so is paedophilia). Accepting I am a paedophile has been a roller coaster. I am also seeking help from mental health professionals.
Sexuality has made me uncomfortable since I was a child, and I think I am less affectionate / warm than I would like because of this. Being a MAP didn't help.
Here I would like to argue for the anti-contact stance, in part because it is "not the dominant narrative" here. I worry that this forum might end up becoming an echo chamber for the pro-contact crowd. And I worry that discussing this topic in public might encourage CSA. Although, in the end, what people do is not my responsiblity. I have an open mind.
Originally I wanted to join VirPed; what discouraged me is a blogpost by BlueRibbon (if I remember correctly) and the fact that the public sees it with suspicion. I'm sure many of its members really are virtuous people, though. I like to be honest: I read TOC's book and, while I may disagree with some of it, I cannot unread it. I no longer feel that visceral reaction against paedophilia that we all began with.
For me, there are very good reasons not to act on my desire (to which I am committed), having nothing to do with a particular set of beliefs:
1. It is likely to harm the child; it doesn't matter if the harm is direct or indirect.
2. It is very risky for me.
3. It scares me to even think that I might do something like that.
4. Acting on one's fantasies is not a human right; there are alternative ways to satisfy oneself.
5. I'm also attracted to adults.
I've been in a state of half-denial since 13. Unfortunately, looking up in the internet "Am i a pedophile?" you are gaslighted into thinking that you have POCD (that sure is a real condition, but so is paedophilia). Accepting I am a paedophile has been a roller coaster. I am also seeking help from mental health professionals.
Sexuality has made me uncomfortable since I was a child, and I think I am less affectionate / warm than I would like because of this. Being a MAP didn't help.
Here I would like to argue for the anti-contact stance, in part because it is "not the dominant narrative" here. I worry that this forum might end up becoming an echo chamber for the pro-contact crowd. And I worry that discussing this topic in public might encourage CSA. Although, in the end, what people do is not my responsiblity. I have an open mind.
