MAP Forum

After writing a number of articles focused on legal reforms, I think it's time that Mu did an article about experiences of being a MAP. Therefore, I'm going to put the article I was going to write about AMSC sentencing on ice, and write an article about the experiences of our members.

Your answers here will be used in a Mu article. I will add my own commentary in reference to your responses, probably connecting them to The Push and my Pro-Reform framework. The more people who can reply to these questions, the better. If you only want to respond to one or two questions, that's OK.

1. When did you first realize you were a MAP, and how did you feel? What were some issues you faced?

2. Do any other people know you're a MAP? How did they react at the time, and how do they feel about it now?

3. What do you think is the biggest misunderstanding about MAPs?

4. What part of being a MAP do you struggle with the most?

5. What has been your worst experience as a MAP?

6. How do you think social attitudes toward MAPs are harmful to us and our friends and families?

7. Do you think the stigmatization of MAPs presents any risks to children?

8. What changes are needed?

9. Are there any positives of being a MAP?

10. Please add any additional thoughts or comments.

1. When did you first realize you were a MAP, and how did you feel? What were some issues you faced?
Around 12. I was interested in sex, so I was reading about different paraphilias, and one listed was "pedophilia", I read about and thought "that's me". I didn't have strong feelings about because my parents never talked to me about pedophilia. Since I was already uncomfortable about talking about sex generally, it didn't make much difference.

2. Do any other people know you're a MAP? How did they react at the time, and how do they feel about it now?
A few people suspect. Due to a very ill advised joke I made at school, there was a guy who would bring it up whenever he was around, so I didn't feel safe. Lead me to have to abandon several of my other friends. I had another guy try to intimidate me, by talking about how he thought all pedophiles should be shot. My father occasionally would try to find out if I was by jokingly asking me, but I've never given him a straight answer. Basically, because I hate lying I don't have a lot of options.

3. What do you think is the biggest misunderstanding about MAPs?
If you refuse to challenge people that say MAPs should all be killed, you're part of the reason why MAPs won't seek help.

4. What part of being a MAP do you struggle with the most?
Pretending not to have the attraction. At least if you absent mindedly look at a woman's breasts, you don't potentially face a lynch mob. Also, being put on the spot; like if someone asks you "Are you attracted to children?", you can't tell the truth, you have no choice but to lie.

5. What has been your worst experience as a MAP?
There was a time I felt like I was going found out and there was nothing I could do about it. It caused me to have a suicide attempt, which severly traumatized me because I didn't really want to die, I was just terrified of people knowing about me.

6. How do you think social attitudes toward MAPs are harmful to us and our friends and families?
The crushing weight of this identity means it's very hard to share it with others, because even if you're not afraid of sharing it, you're putting your family and friends in danger due to guilt by association. MAPs don't choose to be MAPs, and families don't choose whether their members are MAPs either.

7. Do you think the stigmatization of MAPs presents any risks to children?
Yes. The stigma of MAPs, means families are uncomfortable identifying members that are sexually abusive, instead using the scapegoat of "stranger danger" even though the majority of CSA is performed by family members.

8. What changes are needed?
The concept of the "normalization of pedophilia" needs to go; minor attraction isn't something socially determined. If you accept MAPs exist (which you have to), you also have to accept that MAPs will sexualize minors. There also needs to be a recognition that not every MAP is psychopathic; this is a myth that serves as a way of avoiding confronting norms about consent, we have to pretend every MAP is Jimmy Saville in order to avoid confronting the possibility that minors and adults could have sexual relations that aren't necessarily traumatic.

9. Are there any positives of being a MAP?
Not really.

1. When did you first realize you were a MAP, and how did you feel? What were some issues you faced?
Officially I would say mid 20's when I fully understood what that I was a MAP but I would probably say it started in my teen years like 15 or 16 years old and well it certainly helped me understand why I had some of the opinions I did regarding sex that i had in my teen years. I don't really think I felt anything different other than I had a name for the feelings I had. The issues I faced was how do I be two faced about it. On one hand I have to go along with the crowd about MAPS but then I felt so bad lying to myself about what I was saying.

3. What do you think is the biggest misunderstanding about MAPs?
That we aren't all child molesters that want to pray on children. We have loves and needs as anyone else. Its just that our needs or loves can't be met with the ones we are attracted to.

4. What part of being a MAP do you struggle with the most?
That I can't really be truthful to others about who I really am. That I have to essentially lie to everyone I met or know.

6. How do you think social attitudes toward MAPs are harmful to us and our friends and families?
That if it gets out its bad for everyone else who knows you because people are going to ask how long they knew about it and if they are accepting of you it can be damaging to them in many ways.

7. Do you think the stigmatization of MAPs presents any risks to children?
Yes it does. It ends up being a missing the forest for the trees where you look for anyone who is the nail sticking.

8. What changes are needed?
I think we need people to see MAPS are the same as LGBT+ people in that we didn't choose to be this way. I didn't choose to have attractions to minors and attraction to adults, this was the way I was born. It also goes back to Question 3 that we have to change the way we are seen that not all of us are sexual monster who want to harm others. I certainly don't want to harm anyone I just want the chance to love and be with what I have an attraction towards.

EDIT: Changed what I wrote didn't realize I said something that I didn't agree with.

1. When did you first realize you were a MAP, and how did you feel? What were some issues you faced?

When I was 4-5 years old I noticed that I was attracted to boys. I grew up in a homophobic country and already in school, I began to resist my homosexual thoughts. But I have never felt attraction to adult men and women. At 16, I realized that nothing changes and there are boundaries that limit my sexuality. My age of attraction is 7 to 18-21 years. So, because of Homophobia, I couldn’t express my sexuality when I was a minor, and after that, it became impossible because of Pedohysteria.

2. Do any other people know you're a MAP? How did they react at the time, and how do they feel about it now?

I've been fortunate to find a couple of LGBT people who accept and understand that it's just another form of attraction on the sexuality spectrum.

3. What do you think is the biggest misunderstanding about MAPs?

Society is afraid to accept the fact that Humans have sexuality from the very beginning, and not when the law allows them to. This fear leads to the suppression of the sexuality of young people and MAP. It causes insane moral panic among the adult part of society.

4. What part of being a MAP do you struggle with the most?

Depression.

6. How do you think social attitudes toward MAPs are harmful to us and our friends and families?

Moral panic makes people completely insane and dangerous.

7. Do you think the stigmatization of MAPs presents any risks to children?

Closedness and phobia can lead to intimidation. In addition, people are falsely accused of sexual abuse and end up on the sex offender registry.

8. What changes are needed?

Closedness and ignorance breed phobia, moral panic, insane false fantasies, hatred and aggression, resulting in the suffering of minors and adults. Open discussion and communication is needed. Recognition of the natural sexuality of youth and MAP.

9. Are there any positives of being a MAP?

The gift to notice unearthly beauty that others do not notice.

1. In my last year of high school (when I was around 17) it really "hit me" that I was a paedophile although I think I kind of subconsciously knew beforehand since I remember actively seeking out the youngest looking legal porn I could get away with as well as lolicon. When it "hit me", I broke down and started crying on the spot in the hollow in the woods a km away from my school where I hid from everyone else every lunchtime. Achieving sexual satisfaction by far, luckily I'm pretty sure I've mostly solved the issue now.

2. Aside from online, no.

3. That we're inherently evil kiddie rapists or whatnot.

4. Good porn to get off to.

5. Breaking down in the hollow in the woods, after that I've mostly just accepted it (even if begrudgingly at first).

6. They're harmful to us as we keep getting lynched by sadists, who also target our friends and families in their bloodlust.

7. Yes, pent-up sexual energy combined with dehumanising rhetoric combined with an insistence that "it doesn't matter how soft and gentle or rough and rapey you are, it's 'muh CSA' every time" will lead to certain individuals snapping and end up actually hurting children in a "nihilistic rage".

8. The transformation of all our societies into (actually) sex-positive, rehabilitative ones.

9. Having good taste.

1. When did you first realize you were a MAP, and how did you feel? What were some issues you faced?

It was a gradual realisation from the age of 12. I had been having strong, affectionate feelings for some boys my age since I was 8, although I don't think I started to perceive them as sexual until I was 11 or 12. I didn't believe that I was gay, because I didn't fit any of the stereotypes. I wasn't effeminate or camp; I was into sk8ing, BMX and computers, FFS! Plus I had lots of girlfriends (well, friends who were girls) and I liked them and they liked me. At 12, I was the first boy in our year to have a steady "girlfriend" (never went further than kissing, cuddling and holding hands, but I liked the contact).

I started looking things up online to reassure myself and learned that it wasn't uncommon for boys to have crushes on other boys at my age; that didn't mean I was queer or anything. But I still got turned on by boys my age ... and younger. That didn't really bother me until I was 13 and still fancied 10 year-old boys. And, as friends I fancied started puberty and began to look less like boys and more like young men, they became less attractive to me. By the time I was 14, I had realised that the only boys my age I still liked were the ones who hadn't progressed too far into adolescence.

The main issues I faced were the messages in the media. This was early 2000s, at the height of paedophobia, when what are now known as MAPs were equated not just with child-sex offenders, but child killers. Ian Huntley, even Fred West were dubbed "paedophiles" in the press. Paedos were people who couldn't control their urges. If they weren't offenders, then they were ticking timebombs, predators waiting to happen.

My heart told me that I wasn't like that, but my head worried that I could become "one of them." That was the main issue for me.

2. Do any other people know you're a MAP? How did they react at the time, and how do they feel about it now?

Yes; my parents, my brother and my long-term partner. My parents (as I learned in the process of coming out to them) are both non-offending boylovers themselves and were fully supportive and reassuring. My brother (straight teleiophie, a year-and-a-half younger than me) found out by "overhearing" our conversations. We were brought-up with liberal, broadminded attitudes around sexuality and diversity, and he wasn't particularly bothered about the revelation. He became very supportive to me too. My partner doesn't find underage boys any more attractive than any other warm-blooded gay man but he's not bothered: he just sees it as one of my harmless quirks.

3. What do you think is the biggest misunderstanding about MAPs?

Obvious answer: that we're sex offenders, or at least at risk of becoming one. We can't be trusted to be around children and young people because we have these uncontrolable urges. Also that we must be sick and/or mentally ill. That we need help in the form of therapy to stop us finding children attractive. That if we are not offending then we must be riddled with guilt and conflict about our feelings.

4. What part of being a MAP do you struggle with the most?

I don't struggle with it really. It could be seen as living a lie, but I don't feel it's anybody's business but my own.

5. What has been your worst experience as a MAP?

I've had mercifully few bad experiences. When I was in my late teens, I had a vacation job and one of my colleagues was transitioning M to F. We became quite close. I'd told her that I was gay, and I was genuinely interested in what she was going through. I felt confident enough to come out to her as a boylover. Next thing I knew, a mutual friend (middle-aged man who was also gay) confronted me aggressively about it; like, "Sarah tells me you're a fuckin' nonce!" At the time I felt deeply betrayed, but came to realise that she'd simply been freaked-out by what I'd told her and needed to discuss it with someone. I managed to smooth things over with both of them, but it taught me a valuable lesson about caution with whom I share my orientation.

6. How do you think social attitudes toward MAPs are harmful to us and our friends and families?

See the rest of my responses.

7. Do you think the stigmatization of MAPs presents any risks to children?

Yes, mainly because it pushes people underground and into denial, even to themselves. It trashes people's self-esteem. It stops people seeking help and support. And many academics (well, at least Blanchard, Cantor et al) say that low self-esteem, denial and lack of support are major risk-factors in
sexual offending.

8. What changes are needed?

You already know my views on the folly of having the AoC within the criminal justice system, refer to the 12/16 discussion thread for details.

I also believe that this is an issue we need to bring out into the open in order to safeguard children and young people. I'm sure minor-attraction (particularly ephebophilia and hebephilia) is way more common than is generally supposed. I'd go so far to suggest that it's verging on normal to find pubescent children a turn-on. Certainly finding mature teens sexy used to be accepted as a fact of life; people made jokes about it. The St Trinians films in the 1960s are an obvious example. And one only has to look at the huge demand for prohibited images involving children, despite the risks of incarceration and social exclusion, to conclude that it is not really such a fringe interest. All the societal virtue-signalling that goes on around the issue just pushes the issue deeper underground, sending people into denial and stunting self-awareness and self acceptance.

I'd go so far as to propose that's at least in part why at least half of sexual offences against minors are committed by apparently teleiophillic men.


9. Are there any positives of being a MAP?

I'm happy with it. I wouldn't have it any other way, myself.

10. Please add any additional thoughts or comments.

I haven't forgotten about the article about 12/16 from a non-c position; it's a work in progress, but since I have several of those on the go, please be patient.

1. When did you first realize you were a MAP, and how did you feel? What were some issues you faced?

Until high school I mostly thought of it in terms of being gay, and even this I was in denial about (like, maybe I just needed a girlfriend or something?). Even in college I was still madly crushing on boys my own age, though they certainly were the young looking ones, and by then I couldn't keep my mind from constantly going back to the 7th grade boys I crushed on when I was in 8th grade. I did eventually have a girlfriend, and though that worked sexually it left me in no doubt about where my true interests lay. So I gave up being in denial, and as it happened this was right around when NAMBLA was founded, so I started doing that.

I also started chasing boys in pretty dumb ways, which soon got me in trouble, though nowhere near the amount of trouble it would today. Mere possession of PIM in the US was not yet a crime. Still, I faced jail time, job loss, and the need to move away from the rural area where I mostly grew up.

2. Do any other people know you're a MAP? How did they react at the time, and how do they feel about it now?

Lots, due to either the NAMBLA stuff or the legal issues. My family was supportive, but I don't talk to them about it, because it only makes them uncomfortable. I live with my BF, who is younger than me but was an adult when we met. He is not a BL, and never much liked me doing NAMBLA stuff because of the risk. I think it's the idea of risk that makes him uncomfortable about my MAP activism, not really any reservation about boylove. But still, because of his discomfort, we don't really talk about it. I have no BL friends other than anonymously online, but I am pretty generally antisocial in my old age anyway, so online is probably more than enough.

3. What do you think is the biggest misunderstanding about MAPs?

MAPs are not really misunderstood. They are viewed as people who would, if they could, have sex with kids, which they are. And most people understand why someone would find kids sexually attractive, even if they don't admit it. The sexiness of youth is a cultural preoccupation. The part they can't deal with is that kids could want sex with adults. Even though teen boys crushing on adult female celebrities is also a cultural preoccupation. That fact is probably the path to making the public better accept youth sexuality -- making them face the rampant horniness of (mostly virulently heterosexual) teen boys. But that works against us too, because the heterosexual boys can be very homophobic and misogynistic, which feeds into the cult of virginity that still suppresses the sexuality of girls and supports "protectionism," from which boys can't really be granted an exemption. But it isn't about us. It's about young people's sexuality.

4. What part of being a MAP do you struggle with the most?

The fact that the people I am closest to in real life, while supportive of my sexuality in theory, are made so uncomfortable by either the whole notion of age gap sexuality or the risks involved in either practicing it or advocating for it that, in deference to their sensibilities, we mostly avoid the topic.

5. What has been your worst experience as a MAP?

Being arrested and spending time in jail.

6. How do you think social attitudes toward MAPs are harmful to us and our friends and families?

Many of us are imprisoned, many more placed on instrusive and disabling sex registries, and those who avoid those consequences are either silenced completely (about sexuality, a topic others can and do discuss endlessly) or can only speak frankly in anonymous settings.

7. Do you think the stigmatization of MAPs presents any risks to children?

It creates an unhealthy atmosphere of secrecy and danger around their exercise of sexual agency. This is neither necessary nor helpful, and in my view is contributing to a growing fear of sexuality among youth.

8. What changes are needed?

Younger partners in age gap relationships should have an absolute right to prevent criminal prosecution of an older partner, but any change that grants them more of a voice than they have now would be a big improvement. If people younger than 18 were given the vote, they might at first choose protectionism, but I think eventually they would want to have that voice. Suffrage has been the key step in other liberation movements, and that could be true of youth liberation as well.

9. Are there any positives of being a MAP?

Perhaps non-MAPs appreciate the sexual beauty of adults in the same way we appreciate the sexual beauty of young people. But I find that hard to believe. Instead, I think they are just unable to appreciate sexual beauty in its most sublime form. I would not want to lose that ability.

10. Please add any additional thoughts or comments.

Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
--REM

1. When did you first realize you were a MAP, and how did you feel? What were some issues you faced?
I realised I was a map in my late teens and looking back at that time I recognised that I'd been a map as early as 11 when I had a crush on a girl next door who was around 7. Just a crush and since then I'd always been protective and would fall in love with younger girls.

2. Do any other people know you're a MAP? How did they react at the time, and how do they feel about it now?
Yes, my wife knows. She does worry about a lot of things and her reaction was to worry that I might get into trouble for being a map. She wasn't mad at me and had no worries herself about me, she just worried that I might get into trouble, kind of like a person coming out as gay to someone close in a community that hates gays, and that persons instincts being to protect them.

3. What do you think is the biggest misunderstanding about MAPs?
That maps are people with uncontrollable sexual urges and no empathy for kids. In my experience, maps have an abundance of empathy for kids, more than non-maps most of the time and they have good control over their sex drive. The feelings that a map has for a kid they like is the same as the feelings a non-map has for someone they like. Butterflies in the stomach, shyness sometimes, love, wanting to protect them, enjoying talking and being with them, a romantic interest and sometimes a sexual attraction. But sexual attraction doesn't mean abuse, it's the polar opposite of that, it's a romantic attraction means a sexual attraction isn't something that turns into a need for sexual gratification without a care for the other person.

4. What part of being a MAP do you struggle with the most?
Not being able to talk about it. The state even treating it as a terrible thing and anything I say or do being twisted into some negative thing when it isn't. I could see a child in the road about to be hit by a car, pull that kid to safety and be a hero but if it then came out that I was a map that whole story would suddenly twist into a story about a map grabbing a kid out of some dirty motive.

5. What has been your worst experience as a MAP?
I have dealt with the police on very minor things but I've had the police try to twist things out of all proportion, publicly telling lies about me to people I know. I have provided evidence of this to police complaints bodies and they've acknowledged me but not acted at all because rights just don't extend to maps in the same way.

6. How do you think social attitudes toward MAPs are harmful to us and our friends and families?
It forces maps to be quiet and not engage with the world. As a map I've had kids confide things to me I've not felt able to tell others. If I came out fully as a map then my life and career would be over and my family would be shamed. Kids would be bullied and put through the mill just for being associated with a map. People who do know I'm a map do support me and trust me because they know me, but it's a small circle and has to remain that way because I couldn't risk allowing the state and others harming family and friends just because I'm a map.

7. Do you think the stigmatization of MAPs presents any risks to children?
Definitely. I was a child when I discovered I was a map and I was terrified to tell anyone. When I was a younger child I had a relationship with an adult which was special but I was terrified to tell anyone about that because of what might happen to him. If it was less stigmitized then people could talk more to family and friends and then truly abusive situations could be discovered and dealt with.

8. What changes are needed?
There needs to be a clear understanding of the difference between map/pedophile and abuser. An abuser can abuse anyone of any age or gender, but a map or pedophile is nothing more than a person who is romantically, emotionally and physically attracted to young people. When you see two adults with an attraction to each other it is a sweet thing, they are smiling and enjoying each others company, it's a heart warming thing to see. But seeing the same thing where one person is a child and those smiles are interpreted as cries for help and the sweet vision is twisted into a terrible hidden abuse. A child who says otherwise has been groomed and corrupted, there is no tolerance that would allow for anything sweet to exist in this scenario. So an understanding that abuse is abuse but a map/pedophile is simply someone with such an attraction and it doesn't have to be anything bad or dangerous.

9. Are there any positives of being a MAP?
Yes, definitely. I am empathetic to kids in general. My own kids talk to me more than they do their mother and they confide in me and ask me for help with school and other situations. I have no physical attraction to my kids but I have an empathy that I know comes from the fact that I am a map. I encourage them and support them and it makes me a better parent. Other parents see and feel that and often ask me to talk to their kids and help them and I've had single moms ask me if I would be a role model to help their kids through tough times.

I've had romantic interests before but never anything that crossed legal lines and even when there's been a strong physical attraction, it has been as part of a broader romantic feeling and so I've never been close to abusing someone.

10. Please add any additional thoughts or comments.
It's a very important issue because people are routinely jailed for the most minor of things and people are routinely abused and hounded by people who just feel they have a free ticket to abuse people who are badged as being pedophiles. It encourages crime and abuse and is just unjust.

Outis wrote: ↑Mon Sep 16, 2024 11:57 am 1. When did you first realize you were a MAP, and how did you feel? What were some issues you faced?
I realised I was a map in my late teens and looking back at that time I recognised that I'd been a map as early as 11 when I had a crush on a girl next door who was around 7. Just a crush and since then I'd always been protective and would fall in love with younger girls.

2. Do any other people know you're a MAP? How did they react at the time, and how do they feel about it now?
Yes, my wife knows. She does worry about a lot of things and her reaction was to worry that I might get into trouble for being a map. She wasn't mad at me and had no worries herself about me, she just worried that I might get into trouble, kind of like a person coming out as gay to someone close in a community that hates gays, and that persons instincts being to protect them.

3. What do you think is the biggest misunderstanding about MAPs?
That maps are people with uncontrollable sexual urges and no empathy for kids. In my experience, maps have an abundance of empathy for kids, more than non-maps most of the time and they have good control over their sex drive. The feelings that a map has for a kid they like is the same as the feelings a non-map has for someone they like. Butterflies in the stomach, shyness sometimes, love, wanting to protect them, enjoying talking and being with them, a romantic interest and sometimes a sexual attraction. But sexual attraction doesn't mean abuse, it's the polar opposite of that, it's a romantic attraction means a sexual attraction isn't something that turns into a need for sexual gratification without a care for the other person.

4. What part of being a MAP do you struggle with the most?
Not being able to talk about it. The state even treating it as a terrible thing and anything I say or do being twisted into some negative thing when it isn't. I could see a child in the road about to be hit by a car, pull that kid to safety and be a hero but if it then came out that I was a map that whole story would suddenly twist into a story about a map grabbing a kid out of some dirty motive.

5. What has been your worst experience as a MAP?
I have dealt with the police on very minor things but I've had the police try to twist things out of all proportion, publicly telling lies about me to people I know. I have provided evidence of this to police complaints bodies and they've acknowledged me but not acted at all because rights just don't extend to maps in the same way.

6. How do you think social attitudes toward MAPs are harmful to us and our friends and families?
It forces maps to be quiet and not engage with the world. As a map I've had kids confide things to me I've not felt able to tell others. If I came out fully as a map then my life and career would be over and my family would be shamed. Kids would be bullied and put through the mill just for being associated with a map. People who do know I'm a map do support me and trust me because they know me, but it's a small circle and has to remain that way because I couldn't risk allowing the state and others harming family and friends just because I'm a map.

7. Do you think the stigmatization of MAPs presents any risks to children?
Definitely. I was a child when I discovered I was a map and I was terrified to tell anyone. When I was a younger child I had a relationship with an adult which was special but I was terrified to tell anyone about that because of what might happen to him. If it was less stigmitized then people could talk more to family and friends and then truly abusive situations could be discovered and dealt with.

8. What changes are needed?
There needs to be a clear understanding of the difference between map/pedophile and abuser. An abuser can abuse anyone of any age or gender, but a map or pedophile is nothing more than a person who is romantically, emotionally and physically attracted to young people. When you see two adults with an attraction to each other it is a sweet thing, they are smiling and enjoying each others company, it's a heart warming thing to see. But seeing the same thing where one person is a child and those smiles are interpreted as cries for help and the sweet vision is twisted into a terrible hidden abuse. A child who says otherwise has been groomed and corrupted, there is no tolerance that would allow for anything sweet to exist in this scenario. So an understanding that abuse is abuse but a map/pedophile is simply someone with such an attraction and it doesn't have to be anything bad or dangerous.

9. Are there any positives of being a MAP?
Yes, definitely. I am empathetic to kids in general. My own kids talk to me more than they do their mother and they confide in me and ask me for help with school and other situations. I have no physical attraction to my kids but I have an empathy that I know comes from the fact that I am a map. I encourage them and support them and it makes me a better parent. Other parents see and feel that and often ask me to talk to their kids and help them and I've had single moms ask me if I would be a role model to help their kids through tough times.

I've had romantic interests before but never anything that crossed legal lines and even when there's been a strong physical attraction, it has been as part of a broader romantic feeling and so I've never been close to abusing someone.

10. Please add any additional thoughts or comments.
It's a very important issue because people are routinely jailed for the most minor of things and people are routinely abused and hounded by people who just feel they have a free ticket to abuse people who are badged as being pedophiles. It encourages crime and abuse and is just unjust.

Outstanding reply.

And thank you to everyone who has responded so far. If you haven't responded yet, please try to do so!

Time for my answers.

1. When did you first realize you were a MAP, and how did you feel? What were some issues you faced?

I first realized I was a MAP around 16. As a young-mid teen, I thought I was asexual, even though I really liked looking at images of boys in speedos in travel magazines. At 15, I interpreted my interest in boys as an extension of 'gay'. Gradually I realized that the boys I liked were younger, that I was not interested in men, and then I stumbled across the BL identity online at 16. It didn't take long for me to get very angry about the injustice and jump right into MAP activism.

2. Do any other people know you're a MAP? How did they react at the time, and how do they feel about it now?

Two people in my family know. They were shocked at first; now they're tolerant of NOMAP. I told one YF when he was older. He was OK with that, but then cut contact as an adult over something else.

3. What do you think is the biggest misunderstanding about MAPs?

I think many people see our interest in children as sadistic. I don't know why.

4. What part of being a MAP do you struggle with the most?

The fact that you have to live somewhere you wouldn't otherwise live in order to have YFs. I feel depressed without YFs, and so I choose locations where it's possible to be friends with boys, even just platonically. Unfortunately, there are many ways in which such locations don't suit me. It's terrible for my mental health. I am angry and depressed.

5. What has been your worst experience as a MAP?

A YF I worked with said something that made it obvious I was a BL. All of the boys were questioned by my employer. It was terrifying at the time, but the families supported me. Those boys, now adults, are still friendly with me. One of them who lives elsewhere now took a flight to visit me this summer.

6. How do you think social attitudes toward MAPs are harmful to us and our friends and families?

See The Push. MAPs are pushed to the edge, and I think it's only a matter of time before someone really snaps. The stigmatization, hate, and hysteria are unrelenting.

For friends and family, our article on Huw Edwards covers the devastating effects.

7. Do you think the stigmatization of MAPs presents any risks to children?

Absolutely. Many MAPs come to a point where they feel they have nothing left to lose. A small number act accordingly.

8. What changes are needed?

Implementation of my Pro-Reform Framework, including 16/12.

9. Are there any positives of being a MAP?

I'm very open-minded about world issues, and I have unique takes that I might not otherwise have. Some of these are extremely controversial, and I won't share them here because I don't want to alienate anyone.

10. Please add any additional thoughts or comments.

Changing the world will take a long time. It may feel hopeless or impossible. It might feel like we're stagnating, or even going backwards. It will take a concerted and sustained effort. Bear with us.