Pederast relationships feels like something very different from normal sexual attraction/lust, including "typical" paedo/hebe attractions. I recognise the fundamental difference between the mechanics of male and female socialising, and this particular sort of love I would say is only possible between guys, whereas girls have their own thing. It's like loving someone so so so much platonically that it somehow manifests sexually too, this is particularly true for the younger side.
I've categorised homosexuality in my headcanon into three possible groups. It used to be two and before that, one. When it was two, it was "true homosexuality" versus "pederast" relationships, and I assigned neuroticism for both cases. I realised that this is probably wrong, so my newest updated categories are listed below. Each category is considered a "driving factor", with particular "symptoms", but anyone can have any combination, proportions of all three. I'm aware of how pathologising it can be, but to conduct psychoanalysis, you'll find that raw truths are usually ugly, but that does not change anything about our surface, more abstracted layers of pure love, those are as real as ever.
1. "Raw" Homosexuality
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This is the relationship where there is no definitive "top" nor "bottom", these are usually man-man relationships where both are "switch" or "versatile". It is defined by a pronounced scatalogical interest (even more deviant anal play, and anal-oral contact). The major theory is that it's due to toxoplasma infection. This is the relationship where both appear very "gay", extremely more than the other two groups.
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2. Neurotic/Psychological Homosexuality
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This is the relationship where there is a definitive "top" and "bottom", a man-boy relationship. Tropes like BDSM are very prominent. This type of relationship is primarily driven by neurosis, for the bottom, compliance type neurosis; for the top; expansive type neurosis.
The top seeks out a "sissy boy" to demonstrate power over, in order to assert his own masculinity. The top simply has an insecurity complex and wants to affirm his superiority.
However, the bottom's insecurity complex is that oneself is too weak to be alone, but not weak enough to be seen as "worthy" for protection. Thus, the bottom seeks out a "real man" to degrade himself, this notably includes the "hurt then comfort" arc. I theorise that this is heavily correlated with gender dysphoria and MTF transgenderism, identifying as MTF/transitioning is merely the more extreme end of that spectrum, to want to adopt the stereotypical "weaker" female identity to further bolster the sense of inferiority/being dominated.
I will soon release my extended theories on neuroticism, but I will explain it partly here for context. In our case, neuroticism can be seen as the pathologised, radical form of the third and next type, platonic homosexuality. The bottom proactively degrades himself for the sake of appearing weak, thus "worthy" of more attention and care from tops. The top also proactively degrades the bottom - the more wounds there are, the more there is to heal; and the more you heal, the better the doctor you are. It turns out that Ms Karen Horney, the developer of her theory of neurosis, also noted this in her book
Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Toward Self-Realization, describing "case studies of symbiotic relationships between arrogant-vindictive and self-effacing individuals, labeling such a relationship bordering on sadomasochism as a morbid dependency."
For neurosis in general, I define it as the natural adaption/coping/defense mechanism against societies/civilisations at unstable or meta-stable scales. This entails that society has way too much people, but we do not have the (bioengineering) technology to allow us to deal with it. There is at least one and at most two absolute stable state(s) - the "beginning" of the game is a given, but we don't know if the "end", winning the game, is possible. That would be a sci-fi future with massively enhanced brains, telepathic links, hive mind formation etc.. To get there, we start from the "natural" base state, living in societies equal or less than Dunbar's number or any equivalent concept. If we want to get to the end, we must push ourselves out of that stable valley - this time is what I define as an "artificial, inflated period". There are some numerous meta-stable points along the way, substeps of civilisation where we can put our leg down and rest a bit, if we wanted to. Examples I usually give are: the development of language, the first agricultural revolution, and the three industrial revolutions - any technological leap can be considered one, the larger the leap, the more stable. After such a leap, we usually tell ourselves, we can survive whilst doing a lot less work now! Be it language unlocking the possibility of inter-generational knowledge accumulation,the first electricity-powered factories or GPT LLMs. However, whenever we get even the slightest bit of energy boost from a leap, we instantly spend it on continuing uphill, to the next meta-stable point - we never stop to rest. This artificial inflated phase (yes, it does include economic inflation too - see the collapse of the Bretton Woods system and
https://wtfhappenedin1971.com/) has great toils on our minds - what Mr Ted Kaczynski wrote in his magnum opus
Industrial Society and Its Future was, I realised recently, describing those problems exactly. For example. he writes of "two psychological tendencies that underlie modern leftism we call “feelings of inferiority” and “oversocialization"". This is clearly a description of neuroticism, and particularly, the compliance type. It is very unfortunate that Mr Kaczynski did not have enough interdisciplinary knowledge nor breadth of view to fit all of human history - it is my current goal to finish authoring a spiritual successor of his work, with those gaping flaws filled in. It will, of course, also advocate for M/YAP movements, youth liberation and the like. But back to how neuroticism plays into this type of homosexuality. The three types of neuroticism - detached, compliant and expansive are the three different methods of dealing with a society of an incomprehensible population size forced onto you. 1. Detached neurotics seek to self-isolate, to emulate pre-Dunbar societies. This is perhaps the most "natural" method of coping, but is still not realistic nor helpful in today's world where thousands and thousands of people walk across the streets outside every single day, and some interactions are necessary. In fact, this type of neurotics over-detach, which can be said as their hallmark. 2. Compliant type neurotics simply try to scale up alongside society, but clearly cannot catch up. They try to get to know every single person, whether they even meet irl or not, like they are a part of their village of a hundred people, this is obviously not doable. Most of modern alt-leftism (radical neoliberalism) can be aetiologically said to be powered by compliant neuroticism - there is an expectancy of unfulfillable amounts of empathy for copious amounts of people, and from this point it is clear how things like identity crisis politics (see my blog for a more detailed discussion on that), attitudes to immigrants and the like came to be. 3. Lastly, expansive, also known as aggressive neuroticism, is the coping method where the individual just tries to maintain a superior position of control over the massive population with no end in sight. Instead of the increase in need for supply of empathy in compliant neuroticism, expansive neuroticism is more characterised by the insecurity of losing control. Welp, looks like I did way more than a mere summary, but I still think it is relevant and important for foundational understanding.
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3. Platonic Homosexuality (AKA boylove, pederastry)
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This is the non-pathological baseline form of the above. The top is said to be driven by parental love for a child (urge to protect), and the bottom is likewise driven by what is a child's love for their parents. These are natural mechanisms of love that do not become "unpure" (type 2 neurotic homoseuxality), even though they can get way more strong than average, so strong that sexual attraction manifests too.
The taboo and sanctity of sexual intercourse and monogamy in modern day has become such hardwired social constructs, so much that that we've come to see them as proof of the highest level of love. Not just that, but with someone you love so much, you would expect the best to and from each other, which includes the heavenly pleasure of sex. Thus, there is sexual attraction.
Emotionally, it can be described as being so overwhelmed by love and care that you want to submit your body and soul to your partner, to satisfy them as much as possible - not just in the sexual way, but definitely including it. This are purely positive expressions, whereas in the above (type 2 neurotic homosexuality), the pathology is defined by artificially inducing negative expressions first, so that afterwards, bringing the bottom back to baseline is a larger positive change. This is what feels the most like "pure" and "natural" love, and therefore is also the most accepted type throughout history. You'll often even find staunchly heterosexual-identifying men being drawn into the prospects of such a relationship. This is nearly always a man-boy relationship with a significant age difference (not necessarily chronologically).
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