MAP Forum

SAN FIASCO MARCH
[NAMBLA's role in] the
farce
this year in San Fiasco, Caliscornya [(San Francisco, CA)] at SNIDE [(my word for fanged-sheep gay pride marches)] calls [the organization's prevailing] mindset to focus.

As a marcher who followed the leadership [namely, Bill A.] complacently in most ways [except for handing out my own flyers], i too was a recipient to roaring sheep boos spewed by blind hysteria [and fanned for over a month by the last-rated "kron" TV station--aptly renamed "kroc TV" in one BL cartoon]. But i went into the thing expecting the probability of getting our asses kicked.

Other long-time members apparently figured we could once again march and give a "friendly" but silent message to the gay community in a sign of goodwill...or something. those were the ones who came out of it really fucking scared--and immobilized i think. and our fellows in San Francisco who took the leadership roles [i.e. tending our booth] also did not rise to par--a baffling sight to me since i have seen his powerful [audacity] at earlier times [(namely, the guy who didn't tend our booth, had, earlier, shown his strength of character when the "k.r.o.n." t.v. station crew busted in unannounced at the local S.F. meeting at Portrero Hill library; and his non-cowed response spoke miles to me)], [In my view] all of this [was] based on fear and not having prepared enough for this important NAMBLA exercise.

And true [seems] the notion that some courageous leaders in NAMBLA are better fit for certain roles and less fit for others.

[goes on to discuss the categorical exclusion of an invitation to "protect" our contingent from the San Francisco Trotskyists; telling David Thorstad about this years later, he was visibly flummoxed, as he saw the Trotskyists as having some merit, apparently. I myself was moved by their strength, but i recall NAMBLA leaders believing that ALL THEY WANTED TO DO was TAKE OVER! And i thought, what's so bad about that, if they do it in meaningfully powerful ways??]

Anyway, as it happened, we didn't need anyone to fuck up everything and then be blamed afterwards. Adhering to everything our leadership told us, we fucked up ourselves well enough, "Thank you."...[Or did we? Perhaps, in his leadership role and following classic pacifist methods, Bill A. and fellow backroom strategists (like the fawned over Bob R., a 'government lawyer'), accomplished the goal as best as is "possible" within their strategy](Bob R. is now deceased, btw)

From [Steve R's] gross miscalculation of much money and time spent on making sturdy signs that were supposed to be carried by "gays who would stand with us in solidarity" --luckily for him i volunteered my art services and he saved hundreds of dollars from his earlier plan to hire an art agency-- to Bill A.'s seeming miscalculations (?) concerning more pointed decisions like dealing with the k.r.o.n. tv crew which followed us as we made our way to the middle of the march in order to join it there. Now, looking back at Steve R's miscalculation, I realize that the signs did serve a very important purpose: they made a nice target for most of the eggs/etc. that might've been used upon us directly if we hadn't had any!

I perceived Bill's first miscalculation to be his seeming lack of preparation for KROC TV's antics, and then with the SNIDE (Pride) gay march committee. One of the first mistakes Bill made anyone could have stepped into: Bill spoke facts to kronTV concerning a poll taken by a gay mainstream newspaper, which later seemed to be untrue; it was something about how most of the gay community sided with our right to march or something.

Secondly, Bill somehow got bought in on the idea that we could "sneak" into the march (though, with kronTV hounding us, it wasn't very "sneaky"; we started marching about halfway through, and thus avoided perhaps the core of the conflict spewed by organized anti-NAMBLA zealots. Perhaps it did save us a graver time of more eggs --thrown at our signs for the most part, i thought-- more boos, and maybe even violent hate confrontation with duped soldiers of the Realm...all the same i feel CHEATED.

Why did i participate in following a "leader" around who really didn't seem to have any idea of what kinds of tactics [in my "humble" opinion] to use in the situation. And like other marches this year there was a failure of communication from the "leaders" onto we "following" participants.

If i was Bill i would have at least communicated from the beginning with our marchers and level with them about what was threatened to happen, what might happen, and so on; and allow people --fully informed-- to back out or stay on. I understand, of course, the problem of possible infiltrators within even the marchers, but it seems that some form of communication and trust could be made!

At least they should've known what our plan was and have equal feelings communicated about the event to be shared. And an actual dialogue that was participatory in leadership direction!!

Most carefully, we all should have made the time to talk about what the chosen leader (Bill) was not interested in doing. To allow these kinds of things to be completely ignored in inter-group relations is to add to the dissent and disillusionment i for one felt. Maybe what people like me who are so concerned about these issues should just try harder to be included ourselves in some of the strategy discourse...?

Additionally, no one even used our bullhorn, tho Bill carried it. We could've used it intelligently; not to encourage the froth of the blind sheep hysteria, but to stand up for ourselves against their obvious misinformation.

You won't find me conforming anymore to such a lack of seeking to do all in our power, within reason, to challenge such sheep stupidity!

No one is going to get away with chaining me down THAT WAY! (if i can help it)

Despite all the incompetence --as I saw it-- coming from all directions--including psychological warfare-type jabs from the "kroc TV" cameraman (i.e. "You guys are no good" or something like that), i had a slightly strong time of passing out flyers up in the face of the hate and seeking their eyes.

i was ready to get my ass kicked; if that had happened maybe honest gays (our fellow homophiles) might've found the importance of rising up in some more honest way on our behalf...Is it worth it? Well, i'd rather be who i am as best i can than be who i am with fear to try the new and being immobilized by it.

At that time i felt that perhaps by getting beaten up or killed for what i believed, it might cause more people to step in and join some kind of real defense.

(I had traveled all the way from the East Coast to join in this march!!)

If your approach is as depicted, in the modern age, you should be looking to publish a biography online. The most effective way is to create a Wiki article, and I warn, these will be copied by others, some hostile.

The Chicken Hawk doc and NAMBLA Bulletin, even some reporting in Newspapers.com from contemporary outlets, will give you citable sources, which in turn can be used elsewhere, including the Wikipedia when or if this part of gay history becomes "notable". Unfortunately, reliable source policy is a thing almost everywhere online, but can be used by individuals with detailed histories.

The modern equivalent to radical faeries are PLUR - there is some possibility they would march with MAPs if attendance costs were paid - some of them are MAPs. I believe these groups are nonviolent radqueers.

Do you mean auto-biography?

As for doing more work, i'll let someone else do that!

i've got my work set out for me already.

Btw, i am internationally OUT and continue to deal with all sorts of PSY OP type vigilantes, tho not so much of late. I have had my life threatened several times, but my view is, we all have to 'die' sometime, and i'm up in age enough to not give a flying fuck so much anymore. i may have to join the MILLIONS of others who have been dealt with like this (world-wide)! And i know they are WITNESSING (as ghosts!)!

On the other hand, i've been "pushing the envelope" for many years. A few years back, i actually started living in a town where a vigilante network had tried to intimidate me into fleeing. And there were at least three undercover cops living at the house i lived at (two openly shared info that only could have come from reading my 'dossier', while another only hinted; both were seeking to "bait" me; but i CHOSE to stay there and challenge them!! They never did "pin" anything on me, because i've learned to stay well away from even getting close to illegal relations with kids!)

Of late, i did an art show at a powerful space where i outed myself BEFORE arriving! And then did several art shows, including with some art that i'm hoping to upload here or somewhere (i don't have strong websites at this time). All very legal, but very challenging!! Anyway, i stayed A WEEK with those people! And experienced NO deleterious effects!!