Neurodivergent.mild sociopath learned to present as - not normal - but eccentric
Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2024 2:47 am
(events mentioned are many decades past. There is no likelihood of de-cloaking)
extraordinary cognitive abilities, loner, learned to model empathy as an abstract concept. I grew up in an intellectually abusive environment - emotional sensitivity was derided . As a prodigy, I found the most rewarding and interesting path was in technology. I was recruited by a dodgy eCommerce outfit and doubled their revenue in four weeks (server side bottlenecks, poor abandonment, little or no A/B testing, sticky payment path and 3pt Sans Serif auto renew). These were sharp, successful, charismatic, dodgy - and yeah, spectrum/soci folks whose business got to $300,00-$500,00 a day with a staff of 9. How do you keep Yahoo/MySpace from filing complaints to kick you off their platform because your I.Q. test is a data vacuum? You identify every law firm they use, and put them on retainer. Then you are just too small and too annoying to deal with. These guys knew what they we doing.
But they weren't rapist, murderers, and drew the line at scamming the vulnerable. I learned invaluable lessons about appreciating qualities in people I once saw as lame weakness.
They showed me by example and mentoring that my spectrum disorder was feature, not a defect. That one can carefully construct an outward facing UI that passes for a normie. Rough around the edges, but passable. In the years since I have actually developed caring and empathy, to a degree.
I also came to understand my MA, and put a lot of time reading academic journals and papers. My conclusion is this: Academics have no clue as to the variation among people labeled pedophiles. There are sadists, the delusional, the psychopaths, the fantasists out of touch with reality, the ones the know their fantasy is incompatible with reality, the ones that are content to imagine and would not risk their freedom and life, the one's that use torrent and telegram.
But by being the resident moral-neutral sociopath, a number have confided in me. They range fro latent ephebs to practicing maps. Nepi people give off a vibe that i won't engage, but the others are fascinating. Some have never opened up to another person and find it liberating. I do make my opinions on consent and force known, but I also acknowledge that the world is a hierarchy of power. The powerful can indulge beyond the laws, with the appropriate bribes.
I realized i cannot rationalize positive consent in a preteen. I also cannot seek and mental health support, so I must be vigilant in my self discipline - not for fear of offending, as that a non issue - but vigilant in my secrets and privacy.
Mere whispers can destroy a life.
extraordinary cognitive abilities, loner, learned to model empathy as an abstract concept. I grew up in an intellectually abusive environment - emotional sensitivity was derided . As a prodigy, I found the most rewarding and interesting path was in technology. I was recruited by a dodgy eCommerce outfit and doubled their revenue in four weeks (server side bottlenecks, poor abandonment, little or no A/B testing, sticky payment path and 3pt Sans Serif auto renew). These were sharp, successful, charismatic, dodgy - and yeah, spectrum/soci folks whose business got to $300,00-$500,00 a day with a staff of 9. How do you keep Yahoo/MySpace from filing complaints to kick you off their platform because your I.Q. test is a data vacuum? You identify every law firm they use, and put them on retainer. Then you are just too small and too annoying to deal with. These guys knew what they we doing.
But they weren't rapist, murderers, and drew the line at scamming the vulnerable. I learned invaluable lessons about appreciating qualities in people I once saw as lame weakness.
They showed me by example and mentoring that my spectrum disorder was feature, not a defect. That one can carefully construct an outward facing UI that passes for a normie. Rough around the edges, but passable. In the years since I have actually developed caring and empathy, to a degree.
I also came to understand my MA, and put a lot of time reading academic journals and papers. My conclusion is this: Academics have no clue as to the variation among people labeled pedophiles. There are sadists, the delusional, the psychopaths, the fantasists out of touch with reality, the ones the know their fantasy is incompatible with reality, the ones that are content to imagine and would not risk their freedom and life, the one's that use torrent and telegram.
But by being the resident moral-neutral sociopath, a number have confided in me. They range fro latent ephebs to practicing maps. Nepi people give off a vibe that i won't engage, but the others are fascinating. Some have never opened up to another person and find it liberating. I do make my opinions on consent and force known, but I also acknowledge that the world is a hierarchy of power. The powerful can indulge beyond the laws, with the appropriate bribes.
I realized i cannot rationalize positive consent in a preteen. I also cannot seek and mental health support, so I must be vigilant in my self discipline - not for fear of offending, as that a non issue - but vigilant in my secrets and privacy.
Mere whispers can destroy a life.