MAP Forum

Hi, I wrote my introduction in other section. Not sure that the correct place to write it so add it here too.
I known for ages that I like boys and girls who younger than me. Like between 8 and 10 years after that it like a switch off. I have tried to date closer to my age but not work for me. I not that old myself and even though i know i not bad i hate who i am. I know i cant change and all see in front is an empty life.
I know what like to have others know. About year ago i write a poem to a girl who i knew. It just a love poem nothing bad but my mum find it before I gave it to the girl. She went to my GP and suddenly I had social services and a visit from police and everyone seem to know. I got sent to a shrink for treatment and had leave school before my exams. I also left home as my folks looked at me like I was something they would step on and I lost trust with them.. I am lucky where I live now no one knows and for ages just wanted to end it all. I even more lucky that, my mental health worker let's me talk even about my sexuality but she says there is not a cure. As this who I am. I sort understand and never want go through what happen before. But all see is a empty life.

Hello, welcome to the forum, I'm sorry all that bullshit happened to you man we are all here for ya!

Beachlover wrote: Sat Jun 13, 2026 3:56 pm Hi, I wrote my introduction in other section. Not sure that the correct place to write it so add it here too.
I known for ages that I like boys and girls who younger than me. Like between 8 and 10 years after that it like a switch off. I have tried to date closer to my age but not work for me. I not that old myself and even though i know i not bad i hate who i am. I know i cant change and all see in front is an empty life.
I know what like to have others know. About year ago i write a poem to a girl who i knew. It just a love poem nothing bad but my mum find it before I gave it to the girl. She went to my GP and suddenly I had social services and a visit from police and everyone seem to know. I got sent to a shrink for treatment and had leave school before my exams. I also left home as my folks looked at me like I was something they would step on and I lost trust with them.. I am lucky where I live now no one knows and for ages just wanted to end it all. I even more lucky that, my mental health worker let's me talk even about my sexuality but she says there is not a cure. As this who I am. I sort understand and never want go through what happen before. But all see is a empty life.

Just seeing this now.

I'm sorry to hear you've been through so much crap this last year. No-one deserves that, especially at a young age.
Please try not to hate yourself. You're not a bad person, okay? None of us chose to have these attractions and desires - I mean, why the heck would we, right? Why would we choose to want something we're told makes us such 'awful' people? That's a lot to deal with when we're younger, and it's been the same for many of us to go through the confusion, the doubt and the self-loathing, but it is possible to discover self-acceptance, to find comfort in who you are, and to realize that these feelings will give you a level of empathy, understanding and tolerance for those who are different, who don't conform to the norm, who are 'other'....

I'm sure you're a great person really, with a lot to offer life and the world around you. However horrible your experience has been, however much you have lost, however empty you feel your future looks right now, please try to remember that these things will pass, that any pain and suffering we go through can teach us so much about ourselves and our resilience. My own experience was not as difficult as yours, but I lost my way at eighteen, got kicked out of college and didn't finish my exams. That felt like the end at the time, and I even took pills and booze because I thought I was a failure, ended up in hospital. Then I drifted, for quite a few years, unable to find a direction, or even anyone to love. During those years I began to recognize my pedophilia, which felt like yet another reason to hate myself at the time.

Point being... it's possible to get through this. To find yourself in all of the confusion. To meet someone. Have a decent career, even. These all happened for me, and they can happen for you. Your future isn't empty, even if you you don't see it now. Life takes us on some circuitous routes, over mountains and through valleys we never expected to travel, and it can feel dark and dangerous and sometimes very lonely, but we keep going because it's ours alone to embrace, all of that pain and pleasure.

Yes, we always have these attractions but they become easier to live with and the temptations become easier to resist, and we learn to love ourselves for having them, if that makes sense? You'll come to know how beautiful this is, and how beautiful you are.