MAP Forum

This is something that's been on my mind for years and I finally thought I'd ask.

I remember my first time it occurred and it caused me to become terrified of a parent that i originally trusted, and it's taken years for me to get over that. It really traumatized me. It also didn't make me realize what I did to deserve it. Too much pain, too much distraction and too much time in between events. He explained why he was going to do it, but once it happened all I could think of was "I thought you loved me. Why would you hurt me so much?"

What I think is odd is if a parent did the same to any other area on a child's body it would be seen as abusive. I don't understand why it's acceptable to spank a kid when hitting them is also considered abuse. To me they're one in them same except one is culturally acceptable.

Some argue it's how they learn the difference between right and wrong, but for me running around and getting hurt form the activity itself did more than spankings or scoldings ever did. All spankings did was teach me parents can justify hurting you if they think "it's for your own good" and to be fearful of THEM, not the situation. It also taught me that having fun was something to be ashamed of and drove to SH whenever I made a mistake or enjoyed anything.

I understand some kids might need it, but I've seen plenty of parents spank their kids and then proceed to scold them and punish them well after they've expressed clear signs of pain-and spank the kid (or talk of spanking the kid) even when it's evident that it's too much. That to me seems very redundant, unnecessary and cruel.

What do you think?

Its wrong to spank as punishment (outside of maybe grabbing a child when theyre going to walk into a road or touch something hot but that isnt really spanking, along with negotiated kink if a child enjoys it, but again most parents are unlikely to pursue their children in that way + the stigma..). So is shouting ect. Explaining things calmly isnt the easiest way but its the best way for children to become unscarred adults

I like to believe it's less the spanking itself and more of how it's used. For example, when parents spank their children just to vent their frustration, that's not getting any lessons across.

johnnydoe12345 wrote: Wed Aug 26, 2026 8:11 am Its wrong to spank as punishment (outside of maybe grabbing a child when theyre going to walk into a road or touch something hot but that isnt really spanking, along with negotiated kink if a child enjoys it, but again most parents are unlikely to pursue their children in that way + the stigma..). So is shouting ect. Explaining things calmly isnt the easiest way but its the best way for children to become unscarred adults

100% agree, that and direct action-consequence teaching. From personal experience, even though my parents shouted and me and got fairly angry/disappointed, they never hit me and I think that greatly benefited my development.

Being unnecesarily cruel benefits no one

My view is that punishment in general often just makes people hide their tracks more - the fear makes people not seek out being punished, but doesn't stop them doing the action in general.

That's one reason why prevention is the best way to deal with crime. And children who are physically punished might just learn violence is a way to deal with problems, and to lie or hide their tracks better.