What your response if someone said it wrong for 30 year old to date 17 year old even if it legal?

[Grunko]

Hi,
I wanted to ask how would you respond if someone said it was wrong and inappropriate for let’s say a mainstream 30 year old to be in a romantic relationship with someone that is 17 years old (even when the legal age or consent is 16) because the 30yo’s brain is more developed then the 17yo, the 30year old has more life experience and they won’t have anything in common when it comes to sexual relationships-
If they say “17 and 30 year olds can be friends but that’s all they cannot be romantic partners)
If they said “30 year olds would not be interested teenagers, and if they are, the only thing they are interested in doing is taking advantage of them”
how would you respond to this?

[OnionPetal]

because the 30yo’s brain is more developed then the 17yo

Love is not so coldly clinical. Instead of dissecting brains, maybe you should be listening to the heart.

the 30year old has more life experience and they won’t have anything in common when it comes to sexual relationships

And that hurts who exactly??

17 and 30 year olds can be friends but that’s all they cannot be romantic partners

I think that's up to the 17yo and the 30yo to decide.

30 year olds would not be interested teenagers, and if they are, the only thing they are interested in doing is taking advantage of them

Projecting much?

[Grunko]

because the 30yo’s brain is more developed then the 17yo

Love is not so coldly clinical. Instead of dissecting brains, maybe you should be listening to the heart.

the 30year old has more life experience and they won’t have anything in common when it comes to sexual relationships

And that hurts who exactly??

17 and 30 year olds can be friends but that’s all they cannot be romantic partners

I think that's up to the 17yo and the 30yo to decide.

30 year olds would not be interested teenagers, and if they are, the only thing they are interested in doing is taking advantage of them

Projecting much?

I agree with you. This was just what I hear may non-Maps say. https://fstube.net/w/voN79MTgwGfkLh9E6iK3FC
There is this video similar to this

[TheHamilplexOfficial]

i would say, as long as the 17 year old consented and knows when the other person is being toxic, then it'll be fine

[JGHeaven]

I would say to mind their own business.

People who judge others are usually the most thin skinned people with too much time on their hands. I wouldn't waste much time on them, people like that are rarely worth the time.

[ZeroXJoker]

There is the whole "just cause its legal doesn't mean it moral" argument while I agree at times that is true in some cases say such as the younger person not fully understanding what they are doing or if the older individual has some type of power over them (say a teacher for example).

If they both understand what they are doing who cares.

[BLueRibbon]

The best argument would be something like "It wouldn't be for me, but I don't think it's a huge deal". Just to give a little pushback. Because most people don't dare to push back, and that's why such cancerous beliefs become so entrenched.

[John_Doe]

I feel there's little point in trying to persuade others to adopt your perspective. The world is what it is and most people aren't going to budge. You can argue until your blue in the face and it doesn't mean anything to other people because we are different (we have different values, different biases; and I don't just mean emotional or ethical biases, different emotional triggers and insecurities, different perspectives, different ways of thinking, different core beliefs, if you give us the same information we pay attention to different parts or process it in different ways and, as obnoxious as it is to say, different intellectual capacities- although I don't think that's the primary issue here, I had to mention it even though I'm being honest in saying that I don't think I'm particularly brilliant; I might very well be below average in 'intelligence,' but some people might not be able to comprehend the arguments against their position even with an open mind even though I don't think that covers the disagreement entirely when you consider how simple my position on this issue is. We are different in various ways. I have long accepted that I am like an alien among human beings, they are completely mysterious to me, I wish I could explain the differences between us through my core ethical and philosophical beliefs but I doubt that I'd see eye to eye or relate personality-wise even with any of the people who share my basic worldview and that's something that's something that's very difficult for me to swallow because I would love to think of pan-hedonists whose justification for the 'everyone's/only happiness is intrinsically good' view is epistemic solipsism or personal experience as 'my people,' so I'm even less inclined to express my beliefs offline, on top of other reasons).

I wouldn't bother addressing it offline, outside of maybe a shallow response if I couldn't avoid one entirely.

-25 as the standard age of full and final brain development has been debunked (prefrontal cortex development can occur much earlier or well into one's 30s etc. and apparently hasn't even been linked with changes in observable behavior). Even between adults some people will have stronger impulse control or higher IQs so perfect 'equality' in that regard isn't even practically possible, and after 12 at least the differences are probably entirely a matter of degree.

-It's simply not the case that a 30-year-old can't relate to a 17-year-old. Even though my outlook or worldview is radically different, I don't really feel unrelated to my 17-year-old self at 40. I remember people in some youtube comment section in their 60s admitting that they didn't feel any differently than when they were teenagers. Even it were necessarily true that people have little in common across significant age gaps (because I'm sure age can be a factor in why some people relate less to others) I don't really see that as an argument against friendship or an emotional bond and it makes even less sense when it comes to romantic or sexual relationships because bonding over commonalities is not entirely the point (if it were, most people might be homoromantic). People are often attracted to differences per se, never mind being drawn to someone in spite of them.

-'Taking advantage' of someone is just empty rhetoric to me, it's not going to trigger any guilt response in me if you don't explain why it's in the other person's best interests to not be sexually intimate with someone they are attracted to (or in some sense interested in or even when they feel that the pay-off might be worth possible costs and risks). There's nothing wrong with literally taking advantage of other people, the moral failing lies in the disregard for their welfare.

My position on the matter (age-gap relationships) is simple. People are harmed only by felt emotional distress. If we should discourage age-gap relationships on the grounds of wanting to spare the younger party whatever trauma they might experience as a result of being in an age-gap relationship per se that still wouldn't capture the idea of age-gap relationships being inherently inappropriate, suffering is the only thing that justifies wariness about age-gap relationships in practice. When they cause no trauma or emotional distress they are not only permissible but should be valued as a source of happiness for both parties (it is immoral to devalue the sexual happiness or pleasurable intimacy of adults and legal minors who are attracted to or sexually interested in one another. If AMSC can be a source of happiness for the younger party they would benefit from it to the extent that it is), this is true even if we should discourage those relationships in practice (so there is no practical justification for just condemning people for their private attraction or sexual/romantic fantasies that don't involve anyone suffering or being deprived of happiness). Furthermore, there are practical real-life scenarios in which teenagers, and even children, might benefit from and not suffer any great long-term trauma as a result of being intimate with adults they want to be intimate with (or "think" they want to be intimate with).

I'm not going to get into what I believe to be the logical inconsistencies of the consent argument. To simplify things=fine, they can't 'consent,' but might they actually enjoy being intimate with adults with no long-term trauma or regret?

I'm trying, somewhat, not to sound snippy but if you can't understand that; if you can't think, "ok, I see where he's coming from," then we are not the same and if I'm not in the mood to express my point of view for fun trying to elaborate on those basic points would just be me trying to make you like me which is seems as futile as trying to stop the sun from rising.

I will never understand how people can experience unbearable pain and still stick to the idea that something other than suffering is inherently bad (or the perceived moral superiority of people who are ok with actually harming others, causing real and completely unnecessary human and animal pain, but a middle aged man privately fantasizing about some 8-year-old he has a crush on is what makes someone a 'monster' by their criteria). It makes things very clear for me. Why don't you just want people to be happy?

[CantChainTheSpirit]

It isn't universal though.

Social media use is reducing globally, down by 10% since 2022. In the US though it continues to increase which is attributed to sensationalism and extreme views. The US seems to have reached a point of being so judgemental of others with large portions of deep hate for the most shallow of differences that views about people dating is fair game. But it would be interesting to see how this is viewed in other countries. I suspect that in most other countries it wouldn't be viewed as harshly. People wouldn't be supporting it fully but I doubt the opinions would be as strongly against it. I do know someone who was 18 and married someone in their 40s. Her parents weren't happy at first but they learned to accept it and it wasn't an issue for most people. But he was the same age as her parents roughly which I think made it harder for her parents to accept at first.