https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advic ... tionships/
WHAT IS AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?
Being in a relationship can be exciting and should make you feel happy. A healthy relationship is when everyone feels respected, trusted and valued for who they are.
A healthy relationship includes:
Good communication
You and your partner can talk openly about things without feeling scared of what might happen, or being judged for what you’ve said.
Mutual respect
You listen to each other and respect each other’s boundaries. And nobody does anything to make you feel uncomfortable, scared or humiliated.
Trust
You can trust each other without getting jealous, including being able to spend time with other people.
Honesty
Being able to say what you think and feel without censoring yourself or worrying what might happen.
Equality
Nobody in a relationship should have power over the other person, and it’s never okay one person to force the other to do something.
Being yourself
You’re able to keep being yourself, doing things you enjoy and spending time with friends and family outside of the relationship.
Even when a relationship is helping you or meeting a need, it can still be unhealthy or abusive. There might be one thing that makes you question your relationship, or lots of little things.
SIGNS OF AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
It’s not always easy to spot when your relationship is becoming unhealthy or abusive. But if something is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, then it’s important to talk about it.
Signs of an unhealthy relationship:
- your partner going through your phone, using your passwords or accessing your social media
- being criticised for how you look, or having to change your appearance
- getting bullied, hurt or hit is always abuse
- feeling pressure to do sexual things or send nudes
being stopped from seeing people, or getting jealous if you do
- feeling like you’re not in control of what you do or say
receiving gifts, but being made to feel like you need to do something in return
Deciding whether you’re ready to be sexually active with your partner is your decision. And if you’re not feeling comfortable or ready then nobody has the right to pressure or force you.
Respecting each other’s boundaries is part of a healthy relationship. If you’re thinking about doing something sexual, then everyone must be consenting and comfortable with it. It’s your responsibility to know whether your partner is consenting.
Being pressured to have sex
It’s never okay for another person to pressure you to do something sexual. The person you’re with should care about you enough not to pressure you or make you do something you’re not happy about.
Pressure can include:
- asking you over and over again
making you feel bad for not saying yes or changing your mind
- threatening to tell other people or share things about you
- being told you owe someone sex
- feeling like you have to do it because of peer pressure or things you see online.
If you’re being pressured, then we’re here to support you.
But I said yes before…
Even when you’ve said yes or felt comfortable before, it’s always okay to change your mind. And you have the right to stop things any time you want to.
Remember, it’s wrong for anyone to:
- do anything sexual without your consent
- make you feel bad, scared or guilty for not saying yes
- do something sexual with you when you’re drunk or have taken drugs
- pressure you or make you feel like you have to do something
- bully you or call you names because they don’t agree with your decision
- threaten to tell other people or share stuff online
offer you something in exchange for sex
- force you into anything or hurt you.
Feeling like you owe someone
Nobody is owed sex, and it’s never okay for someone to make you feel like you owe them sex or that you have do something sexual if you don’t want to.
Whether or not you do something sexual is always your choice. Even if someone has done something for you, helped you or bought you gifts, they have no right to expect you to pay them back sexually. Expecting someone to have sex or do something sexual in exchange for things is sometimes called sexual exploitation, and it’s a type of sexual abuse.
https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advic ... tionships/
AGE GAPS IN RELATIONSHIPS
Being in a relationship where there’s an age gap isn’t always a big deal. But there are some things to think about.
An age gap can sometimes mean there’s a big difference in what you can do or how much money you have. It’s important to remember that feeling equal and being able to share what you want is an important part of any healthy relationship.
Relationships, sex and the law
It's illegal to have sex or do sexual things without full consent from everyone involved.
It can be a crime to engage in sexual activity with someone if:
- they're not able to give or accept consent because they're drunk or they've taken drugs
- you're not sure whether someone is consenting
- they're worried about being hurt if they don't say yes
- you're in a position of trust or power over the other person.
It's important to remember that the law is there to protect children and young people, not punish them. If you're both aged 13-15 and you’ve consented to doing things, it's still against the law. But it's less likely that legal action would be taken.
It’s never legal for someone to have any sexual contact with you if you’re under 13. If that’s happened, then we’re here to support you.
When someone over 16 is having sex with someone under 16, they're also breaking the law. They may be arrested even if everyone has consented.
Feeling in control
Having an age gap can sometimes mean that one person feels more in control of what’s happening, but it’s important in any healthy relationship that you both have a say.
It’s important to get support if:
- You’re scared or worried about saying what you want
- Your partner tries to say who you can see or what you can do
- There are times you don’t feel like you can say no
You’re hurt or made to feel uncomfortable
- If you’re not feeling in control in your relationship, we’re here to help.
It can be really hard if your family or friends don't like your partner. Or if they stop you from being with someone.
You might feel sad, angry, confused or isolated, but there are things you can do to help:
- Find out why they think this way
- Talk about it
- Talk to us
Speak to one of our counsellors who are here to give advice and support.
I fancy my teacher
It’s natural to have crushes on teachers sometimes. But it’s wrong for a teacher to start a relationship with you.
It's wrong because your teacher is in a position of trust and it's against the law for them to have any kind of personal relationship with a student who is under the age of 18.
It's a teacher's responsibility to work with you in a strictly professional way. This means that at all times they are a teacher and you are a student. If you left school or if the teacher worked at a different school, it would still be seen as wrong and unprofessional.
If you’re struggling with your feelings for someone, you can get support from Childline any time you're feeling pressured or uncomfortable.