Minor-Attraction as a mentoring orientation

[BLueRibbon]

Full article with markup and hyperlinks here

As I have discussed in a number of previous articles, including those that I wrote for Mu in response to a survey we conducted, the idea that MAPs are monstrous sadists is about as far from the truth as possible. That isn't to say that sadistic MAPs don't exist. There are sadistic straight people, sadistic gay people, sadistic transgender people, and so on. But the idea that MAPs in particular are hellbent on exerting power over children, or otherwise hurting them, is an incredibly offensive conflation, one that mixes up situational offenders with MAPs. Situational offenders are not MAPs; they do not have any particular sexual interest in children, but may engage in criminalized sexual behavior involving children for sadistic or selfish reasons. They comprise quite a large proportion of adults arrested for contact sex offenses involving minors. MAPs, on the other hand, are emotionally and sexually attracted to children or teens; if they ever act on their feelings, it will likely be from a place of warmth and love, even if wider society perceives the relationship in an entirely different light.

Many MAPs, including myself, feel rather depressed when we don't have platonic friendships with young people. While that sounds quite ridiculous - most straight men don't have such an intense longing for platonic female company - it is something that is very common within our community. I personally enjoy taking boys on trips, whether it's fishing, hiking, or simply playing outside. Having a boy snuggle up while watching TV, absent of any sexual activity, offers an extremely warm and fuzzy feeling that is pretty much unrivaled by anything else I've experienced. As an expat, helping boys to improve their English is also something I enjoy, and many of my now-adult YFs speak English extremely well thanks to my mentoring.

That's not to say that minor-attraction has no sexual element. Of course it does. But does that really matter? In a post-religious society, focusing on harm reduction over puritanical notions of "that's so gross!", the outcome should be the focus. Last year, I had a now-adult YF catch a flight to come and visit me. I've heard similar stories from other MAPs. The reality is that MAPs form close friendships as devoted mentors toward those whom we love. Yes, sexual feelings are present and certainly part of the drive, but the output is typically more paternalistic, and a huge positive for the younger person.

From a group selection perspective, it is possible that the role of MAPs would be to take care of young people in the event that parents were unavailable. This, more than any ridiculous claims of targeted 'grooming', is why MAPs end up befriending young people from single parent families and other 'vulnerables', and also why minor-attraction has persisted despite not being an obvious boon for reproduction. Nature produces a certain proportion of MAPs because we are of benefit to young people - despite the sexual attraction that adds to the motivation - rather than evil monsters who intend to do harm. It is quite a shame that so many MAPs are robbed of their natural purpose in life, and that young people don't get their intended mentors, in a world where the fear of 'pedophiles' surpasses all else.

[FairBlueLove]

Thanks for this short and nice article, Brian. It totally reflects my points of view and feelings.

The more I look around and I think about this, the more convinced I become that truncating any possible relationship between MAPs(*) and kids is a significant factor contributing to why today's children and adolescents in Western societies are suffering from poor mental well-being.

* and any non-MAP (who is not a parent) who shows affection towards kids

[Enbyfictionwriter]

I resonate with everything you wrote so much! Yes sex is important, and for me this can be satisfied in fantasy. These relationships are so critical, for me and for the kids. I know I am good at it, I love them and they love me. I just flew for many hours to visit friends, and the stimulus for the trip was a YF reaching out and asking me how I was doing. Yes we are mentors and yes nature provides for our presence.

[Enbyfictionwriter]

I just wanted to say - you’ve really inspired me. LOVE is all we really have in this life. I am now sending some mail out to kiddos I haven’t talked to in quite a while. Feels great! Thank you.

[BLueRibbon]

I just wanted to say - you’ve really inspired me. LOVE is all we really have in this life. I am now sending some mail out to kiddos I haven’t talked to in quite a while. Feels great! Thank you.

Awesome!

I hope you get some nice responses.