Proud or not?

[BLueRibbon]

I used to be proud of my ability to make platonic YFs, but then I got a bit older, took on excessive responsibilities, and don't 'have it' any more.

I don't think you ever "lose it," BLR.

Kids react to you differently as you get older, it's true. When I went into teaching (secondary, 11-18 year-olds) I was much closer to the kids' ages than I was to their parents'. I was the young, broadminded, wise older brother figure who took no shit from them but was always on their side. Ten years later it suddenly dawned on me that I was conceivably old enough to have teenage kids of my own. It all happens so quickly, doesn't it? I still loved teaching but started having these visions of myself as one of those dusty, sad old pedagogues with classroom management issues, churning out the same syllabus year in, year out while waiting for his pension. But I never felt I lost the connection with my students. It just changed to a different frequency.

I changed career a couple of years back but former pupils, some still in their teens, still give me high-fives in the street and stop for a chat. I don't think that's because of anything special about me or any "gift" that I have, it's just down to being genuinely fond of them, respecting them as human beings, having time to listen non-judgmentally and laugh about shit.

When I hear about experts saying how "skilled" people who "groom" kids are at manipulating them, I think, "BS!" The problem is it's just too easy. The difference is we don't do it for nefarious ends. We do it because relating to young people gives us a buzz ten times more powerful than crack.

Part of it is that I took on a senior role, which makes being a 'friend' very difficult. I'm also more stressed due to the nature of this role, so I'm too exhausted to make any effort to befriend boys outside of the role (which used to be possible where I live).

I'm trying to change roles, but it will take some time.

How did you pivot from big brother to Dad?

[Red Rodent]

How did you pivot from big brother to Dad?

Like I said, I didn't notice it happening at the time. I just woke up one day and thought, "Fuck! I'm 34!"

[Fragment]

When I hear about experts saying how "skilled" people who "groom" kids are at manipulating them, I think, "BS!" The problem is it's just too easy. The difference is we don't do it for nefarious ends. We do it because relating to young people gives us a buzz ten times more powerful than crack.

Yeah, the idea that grooming is a planned thing in order to get sex just seems to be projecting. Just treating minors like people and enjoying their company builds relationships. And when there is an emotional connection between two people, it's easy for a sexual one to also form.

I'm sure there are some people that deliberately engage in grooming. But I imagine more of it is accidental.

[lightseeker]

Are you proud of the fact that you are attracted to minors or does it make you feel insecure and feel like a bad person for having thoughts you cannot control?

I can only be proud of something I have achieved by myself. So I'm not proud of being attracted to minors. I accept my attraction and the consequences it brings with it. I'm not ashamed of it although I wouldn't want to go public with it. Sometimes in the past I felt pride similarly to how gays and lesbians felt pride but today I simply feel whole and complete how I am.

The other aspect you are implying: Many people have thoughts they cannot control and which they better not act on. Accepting that these thoughts exist is part of growing up. And part of growing up is getting used to our thoughts. If I only today started having fantasies about being intimate with a kid I'd probably be confused as hell. But as being attracted to minors has been my reality for a long time, I'm not confused and don't feel insecure and don't feel like a bad person. And I think I never did.

[Strato]

Are you proud of the fact that you are attracted to minors or does it make you feel insecure and feel like a bad person for having thoughts you cannot control?

How is it possible for me to feel good about myself when society repeats over and over that there is something seriously wrong with me? How is it possible for me to derive any feeling of self-worth when it is impossible for me to talk openly and truthfully about myself in social settings? How is it possible for me to bolster myself, when I am given access only to iatrogenic social welfare and iatrogenic health care? How is it possible for me to feel pride when the group celebrating and promoting sexual minority dignity and equality whilst opposing shame and social stigmatisation, does its utmost to stigmatise me by excluding me from its parades, protests, marches and causes?

Overwhelming ostracisation and discrimination renders pride obsolete in my case.

[Red Rodent]

Are you proud of the fact that you are attracted to minors or does it make you feel insecure and feel like a bad person for having thoughts you cannot control?

How is it possible for me to feel good about myself when society repeats over and over that there is something seriously wrong with me?
[...]
Overwhelming ostracisation and discrimination renders pride obsolete in my case.

Iatrogenic is a new word for me. I had to look it up. There aren't many folk who expand my vocabulary, so thanks for that.

Being a gay boy born in the late 1980s and growing up through the seismic shift in attitudes that took place in the 90s and early 2000s was enough to teach me that society's beliefs are not just transient, they suck. In fact, society in general sucks. Membership of its elite is more often granted than earned and entails a lot of hypocrisy and virtue-signalling. (As distinct from humanity, which is cool and of which membership is a birthright). Thankfully, I had reached that conclusion by the time I started to cotton on to the fact that I was attracted to boys significantly younger than myself in my early teens.

I was lucky enough to have parents, a family and other role-models who helped validate this attitude, so I never felt bad about my feelings. Scared, sometimes, that I would become the "ticking timebomb" I heard and read about in the media but I soon realised that this was just more hypocrisy and virtue-signalling on behalf of society's elite and self-appointed influencers.

Boychat played a significant role in my coming to terms with and accepting who I was (and still am) in this respect. I guess I'm lucky to have been born in the right place at the right time, despite the bullshit prejudice that surrounded me.

Not feeling proud of being a paedophile doesn't mean that I'm not proud of who I am and what I have become. I hope you can find the same space as me in time.

[Lennon72]

I don't always enjoy being me but I do like who I am. I hope that makes sense.

[NekoLovesFemaleMaps]

I consider myself unashamed and proud but at the same time I'm not "out" to anyone in person. I don't think it's because I'm secretly ashamed or not proud but just worried at everyone's reaction. I don't have any in person friends or family who seem like theyd be remotely accepting of maps.

Ive never felt "ashamed" of being a map though on a personal level. I know Im not a predator or anything. I discovered I was a "map" when I was quite young, a very young minor myself.

Feeling proud of being a map definitely came later though as i spoke to other maps online. We're a diverse bunch and all quite normal. A lot of maps and aams I've met are kind people with similar tastes in hobbies as myself. I'm proud of us and I'm proud of being a map. I like kids, and that's just one part of my personality and not one that I feel should be demeaned or anything

[Strato]

Are you proud of the fact that you are attracted to minors or does it make you feel insecure and feel like a bad person for having thoughts you cannot control?

How is it possible for me to feel good about myself when society repeats over and over that there is something seriously wrong with me?
[...]
Overwhelming ostracisation and discrimination renders pride obsolete in my case.

Iatrogenic is a new word for me. I had to look it up. There aren't many folk who expand my vocabulary, so thanks for that.

Being a gay boy born in the late 1980s and growing up through the seismic shift in attitudes that took place in the 90s and early 2000s was enough to teach me that society's beliefs are not just transient, they suck. In fact, society in general sucks. Membership of its elite is more often granted than earned and entails a lot of hypocrisy and virtue-signalling. (As distinct from humanity, which is cool and of which membership is a birthright). Thankfully, I had reached that conclusion by the time I started to cotton on to the fact that I was attracted to boys significantly younger than myself in my early teens.

I was lucky enough to have parents, a family and other role-models who helped validate this attitude, so I never felt bad about my feelings. Scared, sometimes, that I would become the "ticking timebomb" I heard and read about in the media but I soon realised that this was just more hypocrisy and virtue-signalling on behalf of society's elite and self-appointed influencers.

Boychat played a significant role in my coming to terms with and accepting who I was (and still am) in this respect. I guess I'm lucky to have been born in the right place at the right time, despite the bullshit prejudice that surrounded me.

Not feeling proud of being a paedophile doesn't mean that I'm not proud of who I am and what I have become. I hope you can find the same space as me in time.

Thank you Red Rodent for your heartfelt good wishes; much appreciated. I became familiar with the phrase iatrogenic harm once I had experienced it directly in real life. I talk about it in a little detail here: https://forum.map-union.org/viewtopic.php?t=23

“Not feeling proud of being a paedophile doesn't mean that I'm not proud of who I am and what I have become.” I agree, but I was responding directly to the OP question.

I am glad to hear your journey has been a fairly smooth one so far. Mine has been more akin to riding a penny-farthing across Brighton Beach. Having sympathetic family to support you during your formative years was indeed fortunate. However, I was at boarding school (very like the one in the Lindsay Anderson film “If”), where falling in love with a younger boy was considered “queer” and earned one repeat homophobic vocabulary courtesy of one’s peers.

[Red Rodent]

I was at boarding school (very like the one in the Lindsay Anderson film “If”), where falling in love with a younger boy was considered “queer” and earned one repeat homophobic vocabulary courtesy of one’s peers.

Good Lord, you poor thing!

It was bad enough being at a Voluntary Aided state Catholic day school (as a Jewish boy, but let's not get over-involved here).

Did I mention hypocrisy and virtue signalling? Um...

But you're right in noting that I was exceedingly lucky in having the support and allies that I had.