Sacrifices

[BLueRibbon]

I thought twice about making this post as one of the leaders of Mu, but I decided to go ahead. It is something that should be talked about.

For a long time, I did a type of job that was well below my academic capability. It was low-pressure, but the ease and boredom of it drove me crazy. However, it was also a really great way to meet boys. I made so many YFs, some of whom have stayed in touch as adults. One of them even got on an airplane to come and meet me recently.

I grew tired of having my mind numbed by such an easy job, and took on a senior role some time ago. Although I have appreciated the challenge, the stress has mounted up. That stress, and the responsibility I have over the children, have made me much less of a friend and more of a mean authority figure. I have almost given up on youth rights, a major component of the AoC reform argument according to other MAPs, due to the boundaries I must enforce to maintain order. It is not a natural position for a MAP to be in. In addition, I live in upmarket housing that suits my needs very well, with the significant downside of making friends with neighbor boys being quite unrealistic.

I am now preparing to give up the senior role, an insane decision for various reasons, and return to a familiar low-pressure role. Admittedly, the reasoning behind that decision is far more complex than simply not having YFs. However, I will also be moving and looking for a location where making platonic YFs will be easy, instead of focusing solely on my general needs and hobbies. I will be looking for housing that is not ideal; I'd prefer to live in a larger place in the countryside, but making YFs is much easier when you're living in lower-income housing in the city, and in a country without a lot of hysteria.

The reality is that MAPs should not need to do this. We should be able to make YFs openly in any country, without being viewed with suspicion. Having YFs, even though they're strictly platonic, is very important to me. In order to have a decent chance of making such friends, I'll have to make serious sacrifices to my lifestyle, and live in housing below the standards I could actually afford. Without YFs, I am empty and numb.

I would have ideally done something like law or research, which are better suited to my natural skillset. Instead, I have to think about what I can do - and where I can live - that will allow me to befriend boys without too much suspicion. It really does feel like MAPs are condemned to a life of misery at worst, and mediocrity at best.

[Outis]

You are right of course, maps shouldn't feel unable to make YFs. People shouldn't be so judgemental and should understand that a map can be a good friend, it's rarely a predatory relationship. It's a strange paranoia, I can picture a man refusing to let his wife talk to other men or have a job where there are men because they'll be predating on her. Such an attitude would be considered controlling, maybe even mentally unstable. But we do exactly the same thing with maps and think it's normal.

[lightseeker]

I can relate quite well. In one aspect, it's the choice between a career, adequate for our educational background, knowledge, and skills, and big money on the one hand, and a satisfying life including personal needs met on the other hand. Only few are able to combine both 100%.

The other aspect you mention is a different choice: the choice between an upmarket area with high quality living and with more DINK couples or pensioners as neighbors (which by itself is not an ideal living area for someone seeking contact with boys), and a neighborhood with a lot more families but possibly lower housing standard. If you have no urgency, you can look for appropriate housing in different areas until you find something that fits your needs and standards, and also has boys in the vicinity.

It could be called sacrifice, or it could be called living a life that is overall more or less satisfying for us. On both sides, we're sacrificing something. So you'll have to find the compromise that fits your living standard needs, and your wish to meet boys. We all have. It's certainly possible.

Good luck, and thanks for sharing.