How old are you and what is your age preference?

[John_Doe]

I'm just curious about how old everyone is (people have mentioned the stereotype of MAPs being middle-aged so I was just wondering how big the age-gap between you and your ideal partner would be. On that note, it could also be interesting if you added your age of attraction broadly or what your ideal age in a partner would be).

I'm 39. My preference would be around 12/13-39 but that's not to say that I'm not at least relatively attracted to girls/women who are younger or older.

[Cunny Defender]

I'm 18 and would prefer a girl in a relationship to be at least 3 years younger but ideally 5 years younger or more

[Condemned]

I am in my 40s and my attractions go all the way down to newly born. I don't see how infants can be in a "relationship" as they are still early in mental development. I could enjoy relationships with toddler-age to 8. Even kids out of my AoA, I would enjoy being an adult mentor, giving them someone to confide in when they need someone to just listen without giving judgments.

[John_Doe]

I am in my 40s and my attractions go all the way down to newly born. I don't see how infants can be in a "relationship" as they are still early in mental development. I could enjoy relationships with toddler-age to 8. Even kids out of my AoA, I would enjoy being an adult mentor, giving them someone to confide in when they need someone to just listen without giving judgments.

It is refreshing to hear a middle-aged man admit to being attracted to much younger people.

I was browsing a thread on reddit (this is just one example of what I have in mind) asking older people if they were still attracted to 20-something-year-olds (you might not be but I think this is relevant to all significant age gap preferences) and every response from people in their 40s, 50s, 60s etc. claimed that they could 'appreciate' the physical beauty of college-aged people but they weren't 'attracted' to them because they were annoying, cringy, immature, etc. or because they had more in common with their own age group being at a similar stage in life, they cared less about appearance etc. etc. and it just comes off as so dishonest and performative, to me. I think one person said that he couldn't really relate to them personality-wise but he couldn't believe he was the only one who still had a primal sexual response to them (I'm paraphrasing) and was he crazy or is everyone else lying. A few older people claimed that they just weren't physically attracted to them anymore, one 40-something-year-old claimed that he would feel 'disgusted' with himself if he felt attracted to 20-something-year-old girls.

It bothers me because everyone knows that some teenagers/20-something-year-olds are some of the kindest, most compassionate, softest and even wisest people in the world, and some middle-aged and elderly people are less than mature, so where does this idea that they're all annoying, immature, small-minded etc. come from? It seems to completely contradict the romanticization we engage in when it comes to children, this tendency to dunk on teenagers and young people as though they're complete idiots who just cannot be taken seriously. Part of it might be about 'morality' and wanting to protect them from exploitation but I think a big part of it just saving face because young people generally prefer young partners. I'm a very private person, I don't like the power imbalance that comes with unrequited attraction (more to the point, it being used against me) and I know that I could probably count on every single woman I'm physically attracted to to critique my appearance sooner or later even as she wants to feel good about her own but there is just something about being a 60-something-year-old man who just flat-out pretends that I'm no longer attracted to teenage girls (and not even just in that I keep those feelings to myself but that I go out of my way to actively claim that I'm physically turned off by them because of their age, that the idea of being with one physically disgusts me or isn't remotely appealing and not just because I have no libido at any given moment) when everyone can clearly see that they have features that straight men are wired to find sexually attractive that is so intolerable to me. That inauthenticity. That 'pridefulness.'

Even as I say this I know that I would try to hide my attraction to women I was interacting with but I'm speaking intuitively. If you're not attracted to young people (or don't want to admit to it), fine, but don't put down the entire Gen Z or Gen Alpha generations just to save face and deal with your insecurities because many of them are deeply admirable people. Yes, many 20-year-old girls who are supposed to be ditzy airheads with nothing going for them upstairs are deeply wise, compassionate, strong people whom some elderly men could learn from.

It would mean so much to me to live in a society where there was no stigma around 70-year-old men being attracted to young women, teens or children. Even if the likeliness of a 16-year-old girl wanting to date or be intimate with one is low, it might make it easier to hold on to that hope, it could make the fantasy more fulfilling and if nothing else it often feels good to be honest about what is or would/could be a source of happiness for you, in the same way that it can feel good to talk about what causes you pain or to generally share what interests you, what you believe, what your experiences have been etc. Without putting anyone down I want to be honest about my age preferences and it's not just about 'sex' either. I find many 40-something-year-old women basically sexually attractive and affection comes with felt attraction, for me, but I don't think that I have ever had a crush on a 40-something-year-old woman (there might be one I could have a crush on somewhere out there, but she probably looks as though she's in her 30s). There just isn't the same 'spark.' I could see myself having romanticish feelings for some prepubescent girls (and I did have crushes on girls in my own age group when I was in the second grade) but, off the top of my head, I don't think I've ever had a strong true crush on anyone outside of the 12-39 age range as an adult. I'm 40 in January and at this age I could easily see myself having a crush on a 12-year-old girl (if low libido and high stress weren't issues and I came across one who had the kind of personality I found endearing. If she didn't, it might still be easier for me to 'forgive' someone that young).

There's nothing inherently wrong with 'inauthenticity' but, personally, I would rather be the kind of person who said, "I'm attracted to so and so, even if she finds me disgusting or hates my guts," than to just outright claim that I'm not on any level (I can think of a couple of women off the top of my head whom I'm not sexually turned on by because of their personalities and it's not because I'm suppressing the desire out of resentment or that I'm not open to thinking about them in that way, they just don't turn me on primally. If my feelings change, I'll fantasize about them. It might be that some women are physically attractive enough to me, not in terms of conventional standards, that they can get away with more) and certainly not to critique other people for who they're attracted to (same-sex members, family members, serial killers, babies, their worst enemies, their best friend's husband, I don't care).

I don't know why I put this in 'off-topic.' I guess because initially I only planned to ask people how old they were. I'm sorry if this is long and awkward.

[time]

I can understand what you are saying John, but I do sort of agree with them. I find my attraction to girls/women to hit peaks and valleys. Like nepi is 100% off the table for me. Not judging, just not my thing. But like early-mid teen, that's the peak. Then around 18 its like yes, they get super cringy and difficult to talk to. I can be attracted, but the idea of the newness of everything is part of what attracts me. So from like 18-30s I have nothing. Then late 30s to 50s it hits again. I can appreciate their beauty, but they are just too different for me. Then about my age, I am less attracted in a physical way, but I appreciate conversation and feel drawn to them more in their 40s.

[John_Doe]

I can understand what you are saying John, but I do sort of agree with them. I find my attraction to girls/women to hit peaks and valleys. Like nepi is 100% off the table for me. Not judging, just not my thing. But like early-mid teen, that's the peak. Then around 18 its like yes, they get super cringy and difficult to talk to. I can be attracted, but the idea of the newness of everything is part of what attracts me. So from like 18-30s I have nothing. Then late 30s to 50s it hits again. I can appreciate their beauty, but they are just too different for me. Then about my age, I am less attracted in a physical way, but I appreciate conversation and feel drawn to them more in their 40s.

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking.

I still don't understand why people think that you can make blanket statements about entire age groups outside of maybe things that are related to development and near universal (e.g. babies not being able to talk or the vast majority of 5-year-olds not being able to comprehend some of what adults can, etc. but this applies less to age gaps between adults where the difference will be due more to experience rather than hard-wiring and adults at the same age don't necessarily have the same level of 'experience' in whatever area, they can be impacted by the same life experiences differently as well. I really think that the differences between adults at different point in their lives is exaggerated. It's not as though I can't relate to my teenage self at all, outside of formal ideas and beliefs and even hobbies, interests, etc. I'm not sure when I could say that I have little to nothing to do with my younger-aged self. I can't see much of 'me' in my 5-year-old self, I can barely remember kindergarten, but in some ways I'm basically the same guy that I was in my teens. 26-year-old John Doe and I basically have the same mindset although, again, the difference between me now and at 19 isn't necessarily age-related). Worst case scenario, there would almost certainly be some exceptions. I still think that a lot of anti-young people rhetoric is 'coping' (I don't want to go through my previous post). One of the things that really bothers me is the stereotype of older men not being romantically interested in younger women or feeling affection for them (i.e. their interest is only sexual which I can't relate to because if I wanted to have sex with someone, I would feel affection for her; even if I wasn't infatuated with them and my preference for younger women is even stronger in terms of infatuation rather than just basic sexual attraction. I can dislike someone and have some primal attraction to them on some level but one will win out over the other, either I forgive them/learn to see something soft and appealing in their personality or it eliminates my felt attraction to them. I can't see myself having sex with someone I was neutral about, I respect the women I want to have sex with).

I've never understood the 'commonality' argument because that has nothing to do with infatuation, or even basic affection, for me. Who has to have something in common with someone in order to have a crush on them? Having nothing in common with them might make the prospect of intimacy more endearing to me. Yet parents can relate enough to their children to love them and I can relate enough to a cat or dog to love them and we wouldn't even belong to the same species.

I like stereotypically girlish personalities (as well as more conventionally 'mature' ones, I don't mean that I have a thing for them, although childish innocence is appealing). A lot of what annoys other people doesn't bother me at all. I think I mentioned the 'ditzy bimbo' stereotype in my last post but that's not unappealing to me at all. I like innocence (as in the lack of malice, cruelty or callousness), 'simple-mindedness,' vulnerability (or at least it triggers compassion and affection for me, and it can make it easier to forgive someone. Her vulnerability is a big part of why I had a crush on Callisto from Xena) and compassion or basic kindness so it's not hard to impress me. I'm not turned off by someone who's not brilliant or charismatic. I can't really relate to most 20-something-year-olds either and I trust none of them (even the ones I like) but it's not for age-related reasons.

I hate the idea that I'm not even allowed to fantasize about young women in peace without it being deeply exploitative, perverse, etc. (and I don't just mean about sex, I mean about sharing a bed, cuddling, flirting, etc.) because I'm never going to prefer middle-aged women. There are some exceptions, though. Paolo Nunez was 41 when The Purge season 2 came out and I'm assuming that she was at least 40 during production. I would have never in a million years guessed that (I like to check people's ages on wikipedia, especially if they're attractive to me and look as though they're in their late 30s, so I thought I'd check her since I was there but I assumed she would be in her 20s). I could easily see myself having a crush on a woman who looked like her.