Being forced to be a victim

[CantChainTheSpirit]

I had an interesting and unexpected conversation recently with someone who opened up about having sexual experiences as a child and after a few years, went through hell when her parents found out and reported him.

She described what came next as degrading and humiliating and impossible to deal with at the time.
Her parents told her he needed to be reported, counselors and the police told her she was a victim and he was a terrible person, friends and family told her she was a rape victim and he was a monster. Everyone was telling her what she was, what he was, how she must feel like a rape victim, must feel bad, must feel anger and hate. She said she was happy one day then forced to be a victim the next, was told she must live a life feeling like a rape victim each day. What really shocked me was she said on that day, she understood what a rape victim must feel like because she felt raped, not by him but by those people around her who she thought she could trust. They forced her to feel like a rape victim.

It made me think because I'd never thought of it like that, from that perspective. I wonder how common that is.
He has to share some blame because he shouldn't have put her in that situation. but it feels like her friends and family and counselors and police also have to share some of the blame.

[Creature Bipedal]

I wonder how common that is.

Common enough to be described in details in Mark Norlik's book. Some examples are given by Fritz Bernard, Tom O'Carroll, Titus Rivas. I may quote them if you want.

[Walton]

Best example I can give is Masha Babko who did nudes and hardcore as a young teen for money and Dasha who was a model at a magazine that got erased.
Masha gave an interview on the TV that she wasn't bothered by sex with an adult or being naked she got payed and that was it. After it all came out everyone reacted a way that made her feel awful and treated her like used goods her schoolmates bullied her and so on.
Dasha always said they were never forced to do anything they had fun being naked and just playing while being photographed.

[Not Forever]

I should start by saying that this has nothing to do with anything sexual or illegal, but I’ve also had an experience that was at least somewhat similar on this topic. When there is an expectation, it’s genuinely very difficult not to conform to the role in which others see you. It takes a strong stance to declare yourself not a victim when people see you as one. We can call it social pressure, or even a particular sense of belonging (if you’re surrounded by other people in the same situation), not only in relation to society but also in relation to other victims.

I’m surprised that this kind of pressure is never really taken into account.

[CantChainTheSpirit]

It's a shame it isn't talked about more because it seems to be very real and harmful and something that happens every day to young people.

[DANAT4T]

I should start by saying that this has nothing to do with anything sexual or illegal, but I’ve also had an experience that was at least somewhat similar on this topic. When there is an expectation, it’s genuinely very difficult not to conform to the role in which others see you. It takes a strong stance to declare yourself not a victim when people see you as one. We can call it social pressure, or even a particular sense of belonging (if you’re surrounded by other people in the same situation), not only in relation to society but also in relation to other victims.

I’m surprised that this kind of pressure is never really taken into account.

Did you enjoy the sex when it happened? There is no such thing as pressure. You knew what you were doing. I know you are in a bad mood with me. I understand that you won't reply.

[ReArm!]

He has to share some blame because he shouldn't have put her in that situation. but it feels like her friends and family and counselors and police also have to share some of the blame.

it seems like you're saying he's the most obvious one who should share the blame, and no, not at all, he could have prevented it, sure, but it's all the other people's fault, bro

[DANAT4T]

I thought this was a MAP forum. Looks more like a making excuses for profit seeking 'victims' forum.

[The dude]

I had an interesting and unexpected conversation recently with someone who opened up about having sexual experiences as a child and after a few years, went through hell when her parents found out and reported him.

She described what came next as degrading and humiliating and impossible to deal with at the time.
Her parents told her he needed to be reported, counselors and the police told her she was a victim and he was a terrible person, friends and family told her she was a rape victim and he was a monster. Everyone was telling her what she was, what he was, how she must feel like a rape victim, must feel bad, must feel anger and hate. She said she was happy one day then forced to be a victim the next, was told she must live a life feeling like a rape victim each day. What really shocked me was she said on that day, she understood what a rape victim must feel like because she felt raped, not by him but by those people around her who she thought she could trust. They forced her to feel like a rape victim.

It made me think because I'd never thought of it like that, from that perspective. I wonder how common that is.
He has to share some blame because he shouldn't have put her in that situation. but it feels like her friends and family and counselors and police also have to share some of the blame.

Cases like this is why I really hate the term "statutory rape" and prefers the legal Hebrew term for such cases: "Illegal penetration with consent".

I see all sex outside of marriage as inherently immoral, and would not engage in it, but rape as a very clear definition, namely penetrating someone without consent, and that's the only thing I think should be prosecuted by the law (to be clear, I do not think the law should enforce morality, but only enforce contracts and other things necessary for living in a functioning society, hence my support for abolishing the age of consent and replacing it with another model, maybe one that takes consent and the actual physical damage incurred into account).

I really hates it when society forces people to feel like victims when they aren't.