Those with teenage sons or daughters
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Theendoftheline
- Posts: 79
- Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2026 8:38 pm
Those with teenage sons or daughters
What's your parenting style in terms of what they are allowed not allowed to do? How do you go about raising them right etc? Would you not care if your son or daughter was with someone a bit older (within reason) as long as they are happy and not being abused or do you dawn the mask just to keep a low profile and not draw criticism?
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CantChainTheSpirit
- Posts: 195
- Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2025 9:23 am
Re: Those with teenage sons or daughters
My parenting style is different to my wifes but complimentary in a way.
My wife is very strict and I think some of that is needed.
I'm less strict but we do have house rules and family meetings to discuss issues anyone has.
One important difference is that my wife is more short tempered and prefers to give instructions to follow while I also start with the "why" so it's understood the reason behind a request. For example, my wife will throughout the day give various instructions and won't explain why she's giving those instructions while if I want my kids to do something I feel it's important to explain why so that they learn the deeper reason, not just follow commands.
One by-product is my kids tend to do what I ask much more than when my wife asks. As teenagers in particular, they react quite badly to demands and the relationship they have my wife can be heated. In fact my wife will often come to me and ask me to get the kids to do something because she knows they'll do it when I ask while she knows she'll have an argument with them if she tries. Issuing commands works when they're young but eventually kids push back and so I think it's better to take the extra time to explain things and maintain a respectful relationship, not an authoritarian one. But sometimes setting hard rules is fine, it's better than no rules or time to explain why.
As for dating, I wouldn't object to them dating someone older, even much older. I am protective of my kids and I'd want them to be respected and cared for by a partner. I wouldn't accept any partner who didn't show them respect and care, whether that partner was their age or 30 years older. I would prefer a partner who was older and genuinely cared for them and respected them than someone their own age who was abusive and self centered. What matters is they are happy, safe and respected, age is not a property that determines that.
My wife is very strict and I think some of that is needed.
I'm less strict but we do have house rules and family meetings to discuss issues anyone has.
One important difference is that my wife is more short tempered and prefers to give instructions to follow while I also start with the "why" so it's understood the reason behind a request. For example, my wife will throughout the day give various instructions and won't explain why she's giving those instructions while if I want my kids to do something I feel it's important to explain why so that they learn the deeper reason, not just follow commands.
One by-product is my kids tend to do what I ask much more than when my wife asks. As teenagers in particular, they react quite badly to demands and the relationship they have my wife can be heated. In fact my wife will often come to me and ask me to get the kids to do something because she knows they'll do it when I ask while she knows she'll have an argument with them if she tries. Issuing commands works when they're young but eventually kids push back and so I think it's better to take the extra time to explain things and maintain a respectful relationship, not an authoritarian one. But sometimes setting hard rules is fine, it's better than no rules or time to explain why.
As for dating, I wouldn't object to them dating someone older, even much older. I am protective of my kids and I'd want them to be respected and cared for by a partner. I wouldn't accept any partner who didn't show them respect and care, whether that partner was their age or 30 years older. I would prefer a partner who was older and genuinely cared for them and respected them than someone their own age who was abusive and self centered. What matters is they are happy, safe and respected, age is not a property that determines that.
Keep every stone they throw at you. You've got castles to build.
“Hope is not something you find; it’s something you create.” – Cassian Andor
“Our fight is for those who came before us, and for those still to come.” – Mon Mothma
“Hope is not something you find; it’s something you create.” – Cassian Andor
“Our fight is for those who came before us, and for those still to come.” – Mon Mothma
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OnionPetal
- Posts: 181
- Joined: Sat Jul 13, 2024 12:04 pm
Re: Those with teenage sons or daughters
^This is the way.CantChainTheSpirit wrote: Sun May 03, 2026 7:46 pm [...] I also start with the "why" so it's understood the reason behind a request. For example, my wife will throughout the day give various instructions and won't explain why she's giving those instructions while if I want my kids to do something I feel it's important to explain why so that they learn the deeper reason, not just follow commands. [...]
Wise words.CantChainTheSpirit wrote: Sun May 03, 2026 7:46 pm I am protective of my kids and I'd want them to be respected and cared for by a partner. I wouldn't accept any partner who didn't show them respect and care, whether that partner was their age or 30 years older. I would prefer a partner who was older and genuinely cared for them and respected them than someone their own age who was abusive and self centered. What matters is they are happy, safe and respected, age is not a property that determines that.
In the absence of a clear blueprint, a good imagination is essential.
Re: Those with teenage sons or daughters
What would be 'within reason?'Theendoftheline wrote: Sat May 02, 2026 11:15 pm What's your parenting style in terms of what they are allowed not allowed to do? How do you go about raising them right etc? Would you not care if your son or daughter was with someone a bit older (within reason) as long as they are happy and not being abused or do you dawn the mask just to keep a low profile and not draw criticism?
I understand why a teenager would not personally want to commit to a monogamous relationship with someone who was significantly older than them, even if they were strongly attracted to them, but if you're ok with them dating someone older who's not also a minor (not someone who is in the same basic age group despite being one or two years older, considering the nature of this site I'm assuming that you're expecting replies from people who are ok with significant age-gaps and relationships between minors and adults; even when the minor is relatively far from adulthood), I don't understand why you would be drawing lines. Not many teenagers are going to be interested in middle-aged people, either because they lack attraction to them or because a long-term future with them isn't practical (then again, I wouldn't expect most teens to be dating with long-term marriage in mind to begin with), but as far as 'exploitation' is concerned; what's the difference between people in their 20s and people in their 40s, 50s etc. (again, on a different board I might expect stronger opposition after a certain age line because the much older person will be presumed as having a much greater degree of power over the minor or greater rational agency, or people might be really bothered by them being the same age as their parents and the inter-generational difference might be seen as fundamentally 'creepy' or inappropriate)?
CantChaintheSpirit,
I admire your approach to parenting.