News of The World: MANDATE breast augmentation for preteen girls says British Radical Feminist PhD

[Jim Burton]

"This is why we made a mistake with the Civil War ... you Brits are so smart!", quipped Whoopi Goldberg on an episode of The View this past week.

Invited on to the show was UCL postdoctoral fellow and controversial radical feminist author, Elefantyne Smurfettrice-Hatchett. In a paper she will soon be presenting to key government figureheads (and already said by sources familiar with the matter, to be causing Dame Rachel de Souza, the current Children's Commissioner for England to make "encouraging noises"), Smurfettrice-Hatchett theorizes that if breast augmentation were mandated for all preteen girls from the age of seven, rates of pedophilia would reduce by "up to 80%". "The costs are surprisingly low ... we owe this to our future generation of feminists" said Smurfettrice-Hatchett, who has had all three of her girls (conceived by IVF to feminist males and screened for gender) sent to a controversial Harley Street clinic, and augmented at an even younger age.

The masterplan also has strong support in the US, following that appearance on The View last week, where many Conservative Christian Trump Supporters see it as an "oversight of God's natural law", and a "pedophilic abomination" that small girls do not actually have breasts. Augmenting the chests of little girls would be the "last piece of the jigsaw" for these Christians, as well as helping prevent the horrific abuse of little white girls.

The idea of augmenting little girls' flat chests was first heard of on the Documentary Series, Brass Eye, in relation to child beauty pageants in the US.

[OnionPetal]

"This is why we made a mistake with the Civil War ... you Brits are so smart!", quipped Whoopi Goldberg on an episode of The View this past week."

LOL! This BETTER be satire! But reading through this, I got this horrible dread that I couldn't be 100 percent sure. Poe's Law.

[Scorchingwilde]

The idea of augmenting little girls' flat chests was first heard of on the Documentary Series, Brass Eye, in relation to child beauty pageants in the US.

"Pseudophotographs. Composite images."
"Yes."
"Which can be dangerous"
"They can be"
"They become indecent by virtue of the way in which they've been altered"

I hate how accurate this old satire has become to contemporary reality. Thanks for sharing with us Jim