Spanking kids-trivial or abusive?

[weird.organisms]

This is something that's been on my mind for years and I finally thought I'd ask.

I remember my first time it occurred and it caused me to become terrified of a parent that i originally trusted, and it's taken years for me to get over that. It really traumatized me. It also didn't make me realize what I did to deserve it. Too much pain, too much distraction and too much time in between events. He explained why he was going to do it, but once it happened all I could think of was "I thought you loved me. Why would you hurt me so much?"

What I think is odd is if a parent did the same to any other area on a child's body it would be seen as abusive. I don't understand why it's acceptable to spank a kid when hitting them is also considered abuse. To me they're one in them same except one is culturally acceptable.

Some argue it's how they learn the difference between right and wrong, but for me running around and getting hurt form the activity itself did more than spankings or scoldings ever did. All spankings did was teach me parents can justify hurting you if they think "it's for your own good" and to be fearful of THEM, not the situation. It also taught me that having fun was something to be ashamed of and drove to SH whenever I made a mistake or enjoyed anything.

I understand some kids might need it, but I've seen plenty of parents spank their kids and then proceed to scold them and punish them well after they've expressed clear signs of pain-and spank the kid (or talk of spanking the kid) even when it's evident that it's too much. That to me seems very redundant, unnecessary and cruel.

What do you think?

[johnnydoe12345]

Its wrong to spank as punishment (outside of maybe grabbing a child when theyre going to walk into a road or touch something hot but that isnt really spanking, along with negotiated kink if a child enjoys it, but again most parents are unlikely to pursue their children in that way + the stigma..). So is shouting ect. Explaining things calmly isnt the easiest way but its the best way for children to become unscarred adults

[RoosterDance]

I like to believe it's less the spanking itself and more of how it's used. For example, when parents spank their children just to vent their frustration, that's not getting any lessons across.

[ReArm!]

Its wrong to spank as punishment (outside of maybe grabbing a child when theyre going to walk into a road or touch something hot but that isnt really spanking, along with negotiated kink if a child enjoys it, but again most parents are unlikely to pursue their children in that way + the stigma..). So is shouting ect. Explaining things calmly isnt the easiest way but its the best way for children to become unscarred adults

100% agree, that and direct action-consequence teaching. From personal experience, even though my parents shouted and me and got fairly angry/disappointed, they never hit me and I think that greatly benefited my development.

Being unnecesarily cruel benefits no one

[PurpleHouse]

My view is that punishment in general often just makes people hide their tracks more - the fear makes people not seek out being punished, but doesn't stop them doing the action in general.

That's one reason why prevention is the best way to deal with crime. And children who are physically punished might just learn violence is a way to deal with problems, and to lie or hide their tracks better.

[rpgvx]

Your child may react negatively, and it may damage your relationship. You're not determined to be capable of assessing this, therefore you shouldn't do it. That's my view of it.

[justuraveragemap]

Spanking and physical punishments are dumb punishments and really never work, it doesn't address the core issue of why that kid is acting out.

My parents spanked me one time when i was 5 years old, i was lucky they never did any sort of physical punishment after that, but physical punishments is a temporary solution to a child's problem. Often times making them learn to be more sneaky about what they were doing that was 'worthy' of a physical punishments, Rather than make them stop completely.

It also just stunts emotional growth a lot, instead of discussing with the child why they are doing whatever they are doing, you hurt them. Discouraging them from ever wanting to discuss their issues cause in their head if they were to show their thoughts or feelings, they would be beaten and degraded. Although i wasn't physically beaten much, my parent's way of making me stop doing things was to yell at me and degrade me. Because of it, i feel like i can never channel my emotions correctly, I struggle to cry and express how i feel because whenever i did i was treated terribly. It's only something i recently i've begun to understand myself more and talk about my emotions with those i actually trust.

[Kierkegaard]

I think it's abusive, ineffective, and shouldn't be used, but I also think that there are other much more common and pervasive but less obvious forms of abuse which we probably ought to prioritize putting an end to first rather than putting all of our focus onto addressing relatively minor abuses like occasional light spanking.

Namely, emotional neglect. When we fixate on the harms of mild physical abuse we risk overlooking the seriousness of emotional and psychological harms. Spanking is dying out in a lot of countries these days, but emotional neglect is still very common and under-prioritized.

A child is probably better off being raised by a parent who uses light, occasional spanking as a punishment but is otherwise warm and attentive than they are being raised by a parent who avoids physical punishments but is cold and distant. Of course it's not an either/or thing, ideally a parent should both avoid spanking and be warm and caring, but emotional neglect is probably the most impactful and widespread kind of parental harm children are victim to these days. At least in my country. If we're talking about places where severe spanking/beating is still widespread then maybe the priorities for child advocates there will be different.