My name is Justin, 40 yr old white male from the states and I've been a girl lover all my life. Noticed my attraction as young as 9 or 10.
Then really came to terms with it in my teens and early 20's.
I've dated and slept with many adult women in my life. But my overwhelming attraction and preference is for little girls. My attraction ranges from toddler to around 13. My preference being around 10.
I'm what you might call a classic pedophile in the sense that I truly love children. In most cases, I prefer their company over adults.
Although there is a very strong sexual attraction to them. I also enjoy just spending time with them, laughing, playing and talking to them. I'm a big kid at heart.
I found this site through Girl Chat. Someone over there mentioned it.
Actually, other than posting on Girl Chat like 20 years ago. This is the only other time I've posted or tried to be involved on forums. I know there's other that exist. But I haven't explored them.
I often try to just keep my mind occupied on other things, because not being able to have a little girlfriend and really express my love the way I wish to.. kind of puts a whole in my heart.
So, I try not to think of it. But lately I've just felt the need to connect with some others like me.
A little more background I guess...
My first sexual experience was when I was 6 years old. It was with a female 2nd cousin. She was 12 at the time and she iniated the contact.
She told me to lay down on the carpet of my grandparents finished basement... She took her shirt off and rubbed her breasts on me. She was actually close to turning 13 and quite developed for her age.
She rubbed me down there, over my shorts. And also tongue kissed me. I still remember the feeling to this day, it was such a weird feeling I wasn't used to. And so of course as I got older and there were discussions with my peers of our first kiss.. I always lied, cuz I wasn't going to admit my first kiss was actually with my cousin. Lol.
The whole encounter lasted a couple minutes and it was over. Nothing horrific or forceful.
With that said, I must admit that it likely played a major role in my development as a MAP.
It makes sense that my overwhelming attraction is to girls around that age.
With that said, I think there is definitely a hereditary component. Many, many people in my extended family have had some level of adult/child sexual contact.
It was always said that my great grandfather had sexual contact with all 6 of his daughters. As well as a few of his grandkids.
I would venture to guess that the cousin that iniated with me also had it happen to her.
There is a bit more to that story.. in that I eventually told a family member about what happened with my cousin.. we went to court over it, she was found guilty and had to get counseling.
But looking back on it, I wish that never happened. She was just a kid too. And I feel like it was the wrong decision by my family. I'll just leave it at that for now.
Moving on...
I'm very green when it comes to the MAP community. I was reading through a bunch of posts last night and I feel like I need an interpreter for all the acronyms
I was actually trying to find a post or FAQ section that explained what they all mean. But for the most part I understood the gist.
I know pedophilia translates to child love. But it's got such a negative connotation. I like the minor attracted person moniker.
I think in the right context adult/child sexual contact is not inherently bad. But in the wrong context can be very damaging.
For one thing, I absolutely condemn and denounce any type of force or pain committed against a child. And I believe those who do should be buried under the jail.
Those who want to harm children in anyway are not child lovers. They are demented and evil individuals.
I put them in the same category of rapists, psychos and murderers.
I am the exact opposite of that, it breaks my heart to think of anyone in pain, let alone a helpless child... And that's what I wish the world would understand.
And frankly, I think many do... Although we are still far from being able to express ourselves like the LGBTQ community. I think there are many that understand people like me.
Even in my own life.. I feel there are people that know I'm a child lover. They see the way I light up when kids are around (especially girls) .. and they seem to accept me and understand that there is an innocence to my attraction.
I'm not saying they would be ok with me having a sexual relationship with their daughter. But they at least don't see me as a monster.
One of my neighbors has 2 daughters. One is about 3 and the other about 9. They are both absolutely gorgeous.
Both their mother and father are very friendly with me and allow me to spend a few moments talking with the girls when we bump into each other.
I've always been someone that people can read very well.. I wear my heart on my sleeve. And I feel like their mom can see it all over me that I'm just totally smitten by them. But she's still very friendly and warm in all of our interactions.
And I think that's part of the problem with the idea of us being "out" in the world. When people think pedophile, they imagine the worst. A grimy, psycho criminal just waiting to snatch their kid.
When in actuality, if they got to know us.. they'd realize we'd protect them with our lives and they'd save a boat load on child care cuz we'd do it for free! Their kids would come home raving about the amazing day they had with us.
Well, anyways.. I think I'll end it there for now.
My goal is to perhaps meet some like minded people here and have a place to share our love and our struggle.
I'm a very positive and optimistic person. But yes, there will always be a part of my heart and soul that is unfulfilled.
Who knows.. maybe someday I can play a role in bridging that gap between maps and non-maps.
I often wonder about "coming out of the toy box" (i always liked that one
) But there's so many risks. Even just in the fact that it would feel freeing to be truthful. But it could also lead to having less interaction with children than I already do and that would be heartbreaking.
I came out to my family about 15 years ago and let's just say, it didn't go well. Very quickly I realized it was a really bad idea and no one was just going to accept it.
So, I actually moved away for many, many years and downplayed it as a tough time in life and a bit of a mental breakdown. We all get along pretty well now, but we don't dare discuss it.
Oh, the last thing I wanted to mention is I used to wonder how is it possible that every guy isn't attracted to little girls? I just couldn't fathom how you could look at this unbelievably beautiful girl with this amazing body dancing and not be wildly turned on???
But then I finally realized it's because everyone's tastes and attractions are different. I can honestly say I have no sexual attraction to boys.
I enjoy activities with them and genuinely have fun.. but there's no sexual component to it.
And that's why I don't judge gays or boy lovers because I understand that you like what you like. And there's just no changing that.
Ok, I'm really done this time! Lol.
It's been a long day and I'm exhausted. I hope this message finds you well and God bless you and yours!
) .. this is exactly what I was looking for.. just read the whole thing..