Short intro

[Joel]

Hi,

I'm a middle-aged, almost exclusive pedophile, happily married, with kids. I live mostly in Europe. Professionally, I am a software architect, building AI projects for large enterprises, media and governments.

I haven't been involved in MAP activism much, but I have participated in several anti-contact forums in the past and supported one of them financially. I eventually decided to leave these spaces, mostly disappointed by their unwillingness to discuss credible scientific articles and books written on the subject, and also because I managed to find a great sexologist who was willing to discuss the science with me. My wife and close friends have fully accepted my pedophilia over the years of my gradual coming-out, too.

I hope to become more active in the future, and I wish this initiative the success we all deserve. Thank you.

Joel

[Fragment]

Welcome Joel,

I haven't spent much time in exclusively anti-c spaces, but I get the sense that many of them have a Christian guilt overlaying them that makes open discussion hard. On B4U-Act sometimes new members join after having been a member of an anti-c community and they often make posts talking about the guilt they feel after seeing a minor in public and having sexual thoughts.

Even without going full pro-c, that is one way of thinking I'd like to help change. It just seems so self-loathing. I want people to feel proud of who they are, without feeling ashamed for their sexual attraction. Even if they believe in "better safe than sorry" on the legal question.

[Joel]

Yes, my stance started out as anti-c, but the more books and articles I read on the subject, the more it shifted in a different direction. Still, the "better safe than sorry" approach is absolutely necessary in the current climate. Also, every adult is different, every child is different, everybody's environment is different, so whatever rules we have, they will not work for everyone's benefit, unfortunately.

Policies are driven by priorities and always sacrifices something or someone for the "wider good". For us, I think this means that we have to find a bulletproof evidence (much better than the pseudo-science revolving around trans issues) that demonstrates that the current approach to pedophilia-related issues is harming children rather than helping them. And it must be accompanied by heartbreaking stories, obviously.

[BLueRibbon]

Joel, I was also originally anti-c. Some of my positions, which were a catalyst for the NOMAP movement, are a bit cringe-worthy to me now. These days, I'm moderately pro-c, but not an extremist. Anti-c is for people who are desperate for acceptance and do not have much experience spending time with children/teens.

[Joel]

Anti-c is for people who are desperate for acceptance (...)

Yes, that makes sense. I thought my attitude shifted towards pro-c after reading the books, but it's also quite possible that it was more influenced by being fully accepted as a pedophile by my family and friends . You see, the antis have a point in insisting on stigmatization.

(...) and do not have much experience spending time with children/teens.

Funny that it is exactly what anti-c people say about pro-c. But many of them are teachers, some have little friends... I think I cannot agree with you on this one.

[Fragment]

(...) and do not have much experience spending time with children/teens.

Funny that it is exactly what anti-c people say about pro-c. But many of them are teachers, some have little friends... I think I cannot agree with you on this one.

I feel like here age can really matter. I spent most of my time interacting with 12-15 year olds. I also have a toddler. So I possibly overestimate the abilities of a 10-year-old and underestimate the abilities of a 6-year-old by comparison.

I wonder just how much the pro-c/ anti-c divide is based on imagining different ages when we say "adult-minor sexual contact". Hearing that phrase I instinctively think of a sexually maturing 13-year-old. I wonder how many anti-c people's first image is a 6-year-old?

[BLueRibbon]

(...) and do not have much experience spending time with children/teens.

Funny that it is exactly what anti-c people say about pro-c. But many of them are teachers, some have little friends... I think I cannot agree with you on this one.

I feel like here age can really matter. I spent most of my time interacting with 12-15 year olds. I also have a toddler. So I possibly overestimate the abilities of a 10-year-old and underestimate the abilities of a 6-year-old by comparison.

I wonder just how much the pro-c/ anti-c divide is based on imagining different ages when we say "adult-minor sexual contact". Hearing that phrase I instinctively think of a sexually maturing 13-year-old. I wonder how many anti-c people's first image is a 6-year-old?

Agreed. We need to be really clear to the public about what we mean, hence '12+'