When did you felt your first attraction as MAP?

[liliets]

I am writing this to come out about something i have never told anyone.

When I was around 8-9 years old i went to an school that just had preschool and primary school so our grades would have lunch time together with preschool. Was there when I meeted a girl that was around 3 years old, we got close to each other, played together, talked to each other, spended time together, she was so playful and being with her i felt love like i never had before. Until this day I cherish the memories of her as my first love.

[ZeroXJoker]

Probably my late teens if I think about it. Maybe 17 or 18.

[G@yWad43]

I was always obsessed with kids my own age and younger for as far as I can remember. Even as young as a 7 year old I would search up videos of kids peeing or on the beach or playground on youtube because I found it “interesting”. I was “fascinated” with babies and would always try to pretend to be a baby during games and play with toys like they were babies, I even got in trouble when my parents would catch me putting toliet paper in my underwear and peeing so I could pretend to be a baby. Once again, I was like 7-8. When I was 9 I started puberty and it became overtly sexual. I didnt know what masturbation was or anything sexual in nature but I new I felt “tingly” when I would search up videos of boys a good deal younger than me, especially potty training videos.(This was before the mass censorship of youtube so you could search up phrases like “boys peeing” and have a gold mine of playlists).

Then when I was about 10 and got sex ed and learned more about sexual attractions and masturbation and romance and such and I realized what a weirdo I was compared to the rest of my class. Unlike the other 5th graders, I was more attracted to toddlers and younger kids than any of the other kids my age.(I was attracted to them, just SIGNIFICANTLY less, past the age of 9 I rarely had crushes on other kids my age, and by the time I was 13/14 I pretty much stopped having crushes on my classmates, at least anything stronger than a “they look pretty good I guess” and had to force myself to be romantically interested in kids my own age, which was strange to me because I was very romantical in elementary school and often had crushes on my classmates from the ages of 5-9. The strongest crush ive ever felt was when I was 7 on another 7-8 year old boy, I was in love with him and my knees would go weak when I would even see him or play with him. I remember once we were doing a dance class and I got paired up with him, I almost fainted, I actually blacked out during the dancing because I was so excited. Since that one time when I was 7 I have NEVER felt romantic love that strong, everything else has either been pale in comparison or forced to look normal).When I was 11 it became extremely shameful and was one of the contributing factors that sent me into a depression, yes, depression, at 11. I had just discovered masturbation a year earlier and would do it 3 times a day on average (sometimes more, I was a super mega gooner when puberty first started), but the pedo guilt had caught up to me, so I would masturbate to LEGAL images of extremely young kids ages 0-6, then cry and tell myself I had to change, then do the exact same thing once I got horny again. It was a very confusing and stressful time, especially since my entire life I had been told that pedos where gross creepy middle aged men who abused others, but here I was, an 11 year old child who was frequently bullied and abused himself, with a crippling addiction to far younger kids. The shame, not only from my masturbation habits, but from life in general (bullying, past trauma, exclusion, parental abuse/neglect, developing severe social anxiety) easily made my preteens, specifically at age 10-11 the worst years of my entire life. When I was 12 I became even more concerned about my attractions and was worried I would become “one of those guys” on tv when I was older or get in legal trouble (despite these being clear web images, just before the great pedo mass censorship had started for google and youtube), my parents would also check my phone often, so I was worried that if I slipped up and didn't delete my history they would find out, so I forced myself to quit searching up photos and videos to jerk it to cold turkey. This was very difficult and stressful, but due to my slight non exclusivity, technically possible without giving up masturbation all together.(side note, 12 was when I discovered boku no pico, and I fucking LOVED that shit). Yeah it was definitely a confusing time, because most 9-12 year olds are sneaking into pornhub to masturbate to pictures and videos of grown adult women, but at 9-12 I was searching up videos of babys and toddlers and young elementary schoolers peeing on youtube to masturbate to, definently didn't make it easier to relate to other kids my age thats for sure.

Bonus:When I was 13 at a summer camp, a friendly 5 year old girl gave me a flower as a gift, I felt butterflies in my chest, stronger than I had when any girls at school flirted with me.

Bonus Bonus:One of the very first times I can remember feeling sexual attraction was at age 5, I was reading that “junie b jobes rides the stupid bus” book and remember feeling “funny” at the scenes where the boy and junie desperately needed to pee and rereading them over and over. It was my favorite part of the book. Little did I know it was my budding piss kink.

Bonus Bonus Bonus:I remember when I was 7 asking a friend of mine extremely embarrasing questions about her bathroom habits and stories from when she was being potty trained because I found it extremely “interesting” and “funny”. I think I spent a good 30 minutes just asking her about bathroom stories.

No I was never “molested” or SA’d in any sense of the word. Most adults found me annoying and trouble making and stayed clear of me, and the few exceptions kept it strictly platonic. I was never “cocsa’d either because I could barely make friends my own age, let alone get close enough to them to do anything sexual, on the rare occasions it got romantic, hugging and cheek kissing was as far as it went, unless hugging and cheek kissing is a form of child on child sexual abuse nowadays, hell maybe it is, the definition of child sexual abuse has gotten so broad that now even ai and anime counts as child sexual abuse, so I guess I WAS molested from all that hugging. I didnt even know that porn existed until around 11, and I didnt know what masturbation or sexual arousal was before 10, and I was attracted to younger kids before hand so we cant blame it on “porn” or “sexualization” or “grooming”. I was abused yes, but in every single way BUT sexual, ig I wasn't hot enough . I didn't know what pedophillia was until around 10. I did have early internet access, but I stayed in my lane, only searching up videos of other kids my age or younger or playing video games, and I never made an adult friend online. The only “adult” videos I saw were the occasional innocently disguised gore video, anytime I came across something that might have been even vaguely sexual in nature it was always of adults, which never intrigued me and in fact disgusted me and I would instantly click of the video and watch something else. So antis cant blame it on being “groomed” by sexual videos online because the minute I would see a boob I would scowl in disgust and click away, basically parentally safe guarding myself, and I was so ignorant on adult sexuality that I didnt even know how sex worked until sex ed when I was 9/10, which is when I started puberty anyways. I was actually frequently bullied by other kids my age until around 17 for not getting sexual innuendos and jokes and not having the same sexual and romantic expiernces as them. Hell, compared to other kids, I was actually developmentally behind on real world sexual expiernces, I didnt get my first kiss till 20. And before any anti even starts, the sex ed was the basic “this is a penis it fertilizes the females egg”, it wasnt anything “iNnApRoRiAtE”, and I got the same “pedos are evil only say no to sex because if you say yes your brain will explode” garbage speech as the other kids as well. So any anti who tries to use the vampire theory to say im a map because I was “groomed” or “SAd by pedos” or “cocsaed” is just lying. The “cycle of pedophillia” is a fat fucking myth and im living proof of it. Ive always been a map, and im a map because I am, not because I was “groomed” or “molested” into it.

Just wanted to add my story because alot of maps discover their mapiness in their late teens, but if you are a prefential nepiophile you will discover it far earlier. Pedos and nepis probably discover it in late prepubescense and early adolescence and hebes and ephebes probably cant tell till late adolescense and young adulthood.

[FairBlueLove]

With the premise that I'm not an exclusive MAP... I remember that in the elementary school I had romantic (and embryonic sexual-) feelings towards girls of my own age. Then, already during puberty, I remember being attracted to younger girls. In my late teens, I started having sexual feelings towards 10-11 year-old boys, which persisted when I grew older.

[FairBlueLove]

Bonus:When I was 13 at a summer camp, a friendly 5 year old girl gave me a flower as a gift, I felt butterflies in my chest, stronger than I had when any girls at school flirted with me.

This is so sweet.

[G@yWad43]

With the premise that I'm not an exclusive MAP... I remember that in the elementary school I had romantic (and embryonic sexual-) feelings towards girls of my own age. Then, already during puberty, I remember being attracted to younger girls. In my late teens, I started having sexual feelings towards 10-11 year-old boys, which persisted when I grew older.

Yes, it is definently an extremely painful and confusing expiernce of being completely normal and “age appropriate” in elementary school then starting puberty and realizing you are one of the “evil monsters” your parents and teachers kept warning you about. Being 11 and getting lectured by your parents and teachers about those cruel evil devils attracted to young kids, and staring down at your desk, holding back tears because you know that your attracted to kids even younger than that is a -100000000000/10 expiernce. Then desperately hoping there will be a time that you’ll grow it of it and that time never comes, or that its a normal puberty thing that everyone goes through and all the other kids are drooling over attractive teachers or celebrities or kids in older grades, and knowing that you cant and never will be able to relate. Im just glad that other people have been/are going through the same thing and im not alone. The time in late elemenatry/earlier middle school where you age out of your own AoA and realize how “strange” and “different” you really are is definently the worst time in every pedos life, epscially since after your awakening you have to listen to your teachers and parents continue to shame and demonize anyone even remotely like you under the guise of “protecting” you from the very people you relate to. I call it “the middle school shock”. I was also in ms during the time where kids started to transition from using “gay” as an insult/edgy joke to “pedo” as an insult. There was a group of boys who would call each other and their friends “pedos” as a joke for things as simple as watching “sus” anime or having a crush a grade or two below you. Once I got called a pedo as a joke by these boys (I was 12 by the way, we were all 12) and I had the worst feeling of “how does he know dread”. But then he started laughing hysterically and I renembered that this was the same boy who made terrorist and racism jokes and also accused me of being a member of ISIS and started laughing with him.(Yes, we would roleplay being members of ISIS and call each other pedos and retards for fun, middle school was different)

[Harlan]

I remember that I was already attracted to boys in kindergarten, I was about 4-5 years old, the moment when I already began to realize myself. I wanted to look at them, snuggle up, look into their underpants. At one point, my wish coincided with the same wish of another boy. Despite the fact that we didn't even have the slightest idea about sex, our desire came from the inside. We went into the shared bedroom and started touching each other and undressing. But it quickly ended in an awkward situation when the kindergarten-teacher caught us.

Later, I began to think that I was gay, until at 16 I realized that my preferences did not include people over a certain age (my AoA is quite wide (6-21)), and no matter how older I got, it did not change

[PinkPawn]

I'm non-exclusive, but I remember my first time sexualizing a preteen girl. My friend's little sister. I was maybe 14. She was wearing a dress with no underwear, six or seven years old. She pulled it up and insisted on showing her pussy. I couldn't stop looking. I always thought she had pretty eyes, but I learned she was even prettier between the legs

[TabooNappyLoverDad]

I think I was like 8 or 9 when I knew I liked children in nappies, I was at that age where the paretns and family members was happy to make me look after there kids on sleep overs so they could all be downstairs drinking and I would eye a eye on them and change nappies, I remember getting hard many times and been a young boy, read in to that as you will.

I don't know if it was before this but that is my first hmm yes I like little girls in nappies