Might kill myself soon

[mrlolicon93]

Thinking about ending my life soon.

There is no hope for us we are doomed to die alone and be considered sick evil and disgusting forever.

I always try to have hope but sometimes i think to myself what if everything they say about us is true? What if they are right?

I may end my life soon because i can't take the harassment or the hate anymore I'm done i can not take it anymore.

Goodbye i guess.

[Fragment]

Wouldn’t you rather go down fighting?

I’d rather die a martyr, killed by antis, than kill myself.

Suicide is their victory.

[Aurelian]

There's no strong word that will be enough in a moment like this, but please, reconsider.
You are not alone in this mess world that hunts sexual dissidents. I would say, actually, that both of us are pretty lucky to be part of such great and friendly community and the community in itself make us to perceive our attractions in a more positive way .

[Aspire6]

I've been there, almost weekly I contemplate it too, and I hate it.

It feels like there's no hope for a better future or even just some form of acceptance. It makes me so angry knowing I have to hide this side of me, that I have to deceive people I talk to. Imagining what they'd think of me if they knew the actual me, the real me. But it doesn't deter me because I have people who rely on me still, online and offline. I am who I am, I can't change it and I let myself enjoy it still on some days. I enjoy looking in public, I enjoy watching the cute YouTube videos, I enjoy talking about cuties I see with other MAPs. I won't give in to the hate because then they won and that isn't an acceptable option for me.

Please reconsider man, there's much more to life that makes it worth while. If you want to chat privately, I can send you an email with one of my E2EE chats connection details. I talk with others that way in a safe way, we just vent to each other and it's a huge relief.

I'm a good listener!

[WavesInEternity]

As Fragment said... any one of us who gives up is a victory for our foes. If nothing else, there's a community here that loves you and values your life.

I started having suicidal thoughts as a young child... I was 6 or 7. I've had such thoughts on and off for most of my life since. I once invited a transwoman friend from overseas to come stay with me for a few months when she was at her breaking point and about to end it.

My experience taught me that:

~ There's always something in life that can make it worth living.

~ There's always something in your existence that can make it a better option for the world than non-existence, as long as you will it.

~ No matter how much hatred you endure, love can always prevail. As long as there's a single person in the world that loves you and cares about you, it's enough.

Try focusing on what makes you happy and gives meaning to your life. That can be cocooning at home with good anime and delicious food. Art therapy can help sometimes. Or, if you've got the money for it, that can be traveling somewhere new to change your mind. Or that can be participating in MAP activism, if it doesn't remind you too much of the causes of your distress.

The important part is to think about what makes you feel good, and do it. Also, don't isolate yourself, talk to others who care about you.

[PorcelainLark]

I've been there. I survive through contempt.

This track helps me keep it together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMVSQVn97es

[Outis]

You have to remember some important truths.

1. When you say "they say about us", you mean uneducated hateful people who love to make a noise. Academics don't hate you, academics make a point that pedophiles are not bad people and are not the same as people with personality disorders raping people. So those who study and understand don't hate you and the majority who don't study this don't hate you either, they're largely indifferent. You are referring to a small group of hateful uneducated people who have so little success or recognition in their own lives that they desperately say things about what they consider easy targets in the hope of getting some people to like them and then they can feel a little less of a disappointment. Do you really care what people like that think? They're nobodies, they're irrelevant, you are almost certainly worth 10 of them.

2. You are a good person. Being a map has no bearing on if you're a good or bad person any more than being gay does or having blue eyes does. What you're experiencing is what black people experienced when people told them they were animals just for the color of their skin. You know your heart and mind, they don't.

3. You're not alone because you have a community and friends. It's like those in the trenches in the war, they form bonds and friendship because they face a common evil out there.

[BLueRibbon]

One of my concerns in regard to Mu's content is that it may make some MAPs feel more hated and oppressed than we are in reality. Remember that this is an aggressive activist project. MAPs are very much an abused minority, but the extreme US-UK brand of hatred is not global, even if their ridiculous laws and attitudes to AMSC are. Where I live, you can befriend children and be affectionate with them, basically do anything other than have sexual contact. You just have to be nice to the adults and children around you.

I suggest considering your current work/life situation. I recently took a big job downgrade to do something that is much more rewarding from a MAP perspective, and it's given me a huge boost in my mood. At least try something like that before making such an irreversible decision.

You may also consider reaching out to B4U-Act.

[FairBlueLove]

The friends above have given already great advice.

In adding my 2 cents, I can say that it could be helpful to take a break from online social networks. Do something else in real life. And remember that you, we, human beings, are more than just our sexuality.

[HumanBeing]

Wouldn’t you rather go down fighting?

I’d rather die a martyr, killed by antis, than kill myself.

Suicide is their victory.

I completely agree with Fragment, its better to die fighting than just killing yourself, I myself have been trying to live a "normal" life without activism for some months (that's the reason I didn't write nothing here until today) but the only thing I achieve by trying to deny myself the right to fight back is having depressive episodes (which I don't have while I'm involved in activism).

Also the idea of ​​living a "normal life" while being a MAP its just a impossible dream nowadays, even if you don't do any "crime" and you are not involved in activism the people will hate you only for being born as a MAP and the State will try to torture you (both physically and mentally).

The only thing we can do nowadays is to fight back until the eventual victory, No dictatorship exists eternally, and our history has proven that when MAPs are united and daring to fight back the governments start to stop their abuses, in the 1970s when MAPs started to be more willing to fight back they quickly began to stop their abuses and started to recognize us as ordinary citizens, but this was short-lived due to the cowardice of that time next-gen "MAP Leaders" (this said by Ad van den Berg itself in a video-call I had with him a few years ago) and the ILGA betrayal and the decline of the "LGBTQ" movement due to that (You only have to look at the current situation of the LGBT community to see that without us they have only managed to divide themselves and weaken themselves as a movement.)