○ Me and the thing ar—
● "The Thing, and I... numbnuts."
○ Wha—? Whatever. The crazy fuck and I (● Fuck you asshole) have been traveling in this van for what's felt like hours now with these goon's guns trained on us. Just how far away is this facility? I gotta piss... bad.
● "Shoulda went before we left."
○ I did.
● "Well, then just go and piss your fucking pants. What are they gonna do, stop you? I think they are more focused on me not coming out and ripping them to shreds, then to fixate on your leaky bladder."
○ Hey, I gotta go piss. Do you have something I can go in, or can we pull over for a sec?
- The guards are unresponsive as their guns continue to be fixed onto the potential conduit.
● "And what even is that voice?"
○ Another cosmic fuck as you'd say?
● "Then why doesn't it respond to us?"
○ Now who's asking stupid fucking questions?
● "HuuuhhhhAAaahh! This is such bullshit! Between all these fucking cryptic voices, your stupid ass, and now to becoming a prisoner that's being taken to god knows where... I'm about to go postal again."
○ Isn't that how we ended up in this mess, how we've ended up in all these messes, because you just can't control yourself when facing challenges?
● "Oh, I'm so sorry. I should just learn to be a good little boy like you then, huh? "Mr. Imma just drink allll my problems away". Is that it, huh? YOU STUPID BITCH! We are here because you took your sweet ass time getting with the program and have been essentially handicaping me throughout this whole goddamn ordeal!"
○ Ha! I'm the handicap?! Who is it that opened us up to all these suggestions? Who is it that relentlessly tormented me throughout my entire life? Who was the one who, in a hate-fueled rage, broke into a government facility, bit off a person's fucking finger, and then tried to FUCKING MURDER SOMEBODY?!
Allurus: Both of you share an equal/unfair amount of the blame/gratitude.
○● ?!
○ Allurus? Where are you? How can we hear you right now?
● "Hey dipshit, he's still the same Cosmic Fuck from before, remember?"
Allurus: Not quite.
○ What do you mean?
Allurus: I'm communicating to you from within/outside The Starfield=Sanctuary/Prison, and before you ask me what that is, just think of it like a guest/intruder entering the mind thats being operated by a member of The Board=ambassadors/slaves that (The Choir)=[The Cycle]/heaven=hell anoints/exploits for the facilitation of smooth correspondence amongst us conduits=mycelium/degradation and other beings/food like yourself/the other.
○● ...
Allurus: You're both killing me/us.
○ Can you just talk normally?
● "He can't. He's bound=I'm a yappy bit—"
○● AAAAHHHH!
- The guards look alarmed until Allurus reassures them of the situation.
○● Ow!/Fuck you Cosmic Fuck! And what the hell is with the goddamn narration?!
Allurus: Narration? Wait... can you actually hear... Dream?!
○● Who?/"Oh god, prepare for yet another explanation about some otherworldly prick."
Allurus: No, no, no... Ha, ha! This actually... no. We cannot discuss this here. I'll talk with you both when you arrive.
[CONNECTION INTERRUPTED]
[DO YOU WISH TO RECON—
[TRANSMISSION LOG TERMINATION REQUESTED: AYA... ACCESS GRANTED]
○● ?
○ The hell was that? Who's Aya?
● "Probably some other cosmic fucker."
○ I think him zapping us just made me piss myself. Oh, yep definitely... that's just lovely.
- The guards notice the scene and readjust their seating positions to avoid the gradually growing puddle on the floor.
● "𝘚𝘪𝘨𝘩... fuck my life."