The Beautiful, Sexy Truth About Children

[WavesInEternity]

We get accused of "sexualizing" children. I accuse our foes of suppressing and pathologizing children's sexuality. That's certainly how I felt as a child! I wish I had known about masturbation earlier than at 8 years old. Why do people so often tacitly insist that young children find out about it on their own? What is that hysterical fear of children "not being ready" to know about sexuality or some aspect of it? Treating sexuality as something mysterious and dangerous is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sex is powerful, for sure. Sex can be "psychologically addictive" (i.e. habit-forming), like delicious food or video games. Children do need some guidance when it comes to such things. The point is that adults should offer that guidance, with love and respect. Children should be actively given the opportunity to be sexual. Enjoying sex is generally harmless and having more fun with it is, as a rule of thumb, better. How is that such a controversial idea? So many cultures have shown that there's nothing inherently wrong about children participating in sexual activity.

Most children masturbate. Most children are interested in sex. Most children feel lust. Many children have sex. And they tell us we're sick, abnormal, and dangerous when we say children can be sexy? When we feel that a child's sexuality is beautiful?

Non-paedophiles generally look at a child being sexual as something disgusting, disturbing, wrong. We paedophiles see it as something wonderful and desirable.

How should children feel about their own sexuality? That it's disgusting and wrong, or wonderful and fun? What's more likely to make children comfortable with themselves and confident with their sexual life later on?

Some children won't be interested in sexuality, and they shouldn't be forced into it. That's entirely normal too. But the majority will be, and we shouldn't prevent them from exploring this side of their existence as human beings because others might not want to.

We should create an environment for them to explore sexuality safely, with themselves and others... and indeed with adults if they so desire.

[hugs]

I couldn't agree more. Even as a child, I was frustrated by the notion that children can't be beautiful. I remember, some time ago, my teenage cousins were talking about how they'd rate their own attractiveness, and I, probably about 10 at the time, chimed in. I was shocked and frankly insulted when they told me that I was "not old enough" and that I had to "grow into" my features first. It pains me to think of how much suffering people have caused for children by making them believe that they can't be attractive and, even more sinister, by denying them the opportunity to be loved and desired. That's why it brings me so much joy to see so many aams on this forum and others. I'm glad we can create spaces where children can feel loved. They deserve it.

[Walton]

Sex is natural I remember masturbating long before I had sperm and imagining adult woman taking care of me. Every friend of mine did this boys girls we all did it and talked about it it was always OK but we grew up and suddenly we have to pretend it's immoral and disturbing

[Fragment]

Sex is natural I remember masturbating long before I had sperm and imagining adult woman taking care of me. Every friend of mine did this boys girls we all did it and talked about it it was always OK but we grew up and suddenly we have to pretend it's immoral and disturbing

I didn’t.

I don’t think positing universal active sexuality in children helps us much. Those who didn’t experience it will see it as delusional.

Some kids are sexual, some aren’t. Often those individual differences have nothing to do with the sexual repression of their families.

Accepting diversity seems, to me, the correct answer. One size fits all is wrong for anti-c, but it’s definitely wrong for pro-c, too.

[WavesInEternity]

Some kids are sexual, some aren’t.

I did include a clear reference to that fact in my original post.

We have solid evidence, for instance from hippie communes where parents had sex openly, that if children are given the opportunity to be sexual without any repression whatsoever and with all the relevant information being available to them, a minority among them will be uninterested in sexual matters regardless. That is something we should acknowledge and respect.

However, in the current context, the majority of children that are naturally sexual cannot express that part of themselves, or barely. No wonder people become "addicted" to pornography later on and/or have various problems dealing with sexuality in their lives. They are taught an utterly schizophrenic message regarding sexual matters.

I started using pornography at 10. Adults back then told me I'd be addicted for life and would never be able to have a "normal" sex life. The latter was certainly true, but not for the reasons they thought! (If anything, porn, especially lolicon, has helped me a lot to understand my own sexuality and connect with my girlfriends sexually.)

[Fragment]

Yeah, I was very specifically commenting on Walton's "Every friend of mine did this". That may have been true in his case. It wasn't in mine. Not until puberty.

[Outis]

You make a strong point and I have to agree with it.

I was fortunate as a child that I felt able to explore my sexual self, but I grew up in a different time and in a hard working family that had no politics or views over others. My parents worked hard and were good providers and I'm sure they knew I masturbated from an early age and never said anything to shame me. But I know that's not true for everyone and there is a slide towards the idea that kids are sexless and must be kept pure and anything remotely sexual is corrupting and bad and something to fear and feel shame about.

When we had our first daughter she would masturbate a lot, by the age of 3 she would be constantly masturbating. We were really worried about it and so reached out to parenting forums for advice and we were reassured that's normal, most kids do it, it feels good so they do it. The advice we were given were to not stop it but to tell her it's something to only do in private. So we did that but then we'd find sometimes she'd have friends visiting then she would come over to us and ask if they would leave because she needed her alone time, which was her way of saying she needed to masturbate. She grew out of it or at least we stopped noticing. Our other kids were the same but we were less shocked.

But it taught me that kids are sexual and are not pure sexless beings. That doesn't mean contact is good, but it is a fact that kids are sexual.

[CLover36]

How should children feel about their own sexuality? That it's disgusting and wrong, or wonderful and fun? What's more likely to make children comfortable with themselves and confident with their sexual life later on?

I remember promising my mother at 10 that I would never have sex, because I had heard her going in tirades against sex of any kind. It wasn't directed at me but my mother seemed to despise all forms of sex. Later I was punished for getting an unwanted erection while going through puberty.
I still have issues today because of her.

[CLover36]

How should children feel about their own sexuality? That it's disgusting and wrong, or wonderful and fun? What's more likely to make children comfortable with themselves and confident with their sexual life later on?

I remember promising my mother at 10 that I would never have sex, because I had heard her going in tirades against sex of any kind. It wasn't directed at me but my mother seemed to despise all forms of sex. Later I was punished for getting an unwanted erection while going through puberty.
I still have issues today because of her.

[Apple_gun]

You make a strong point and I have to agree with it.

I was fortunate as a child that I felt able to explore my sexual self, but I grew up in a different time and in a hard working family that had no politics or views over others. My parents worked hard and were good providers and I'm sure they knew I masturbated from an early age and never said anything to shame me. But I know that's not true for everyone and there is a slide towards the idea that kids are sexless and must be kept pure and anything remotely sexual is corrupting and bad and something to fear and feel shame about.

When we had our first daughter she would masturbate a lot, by the age of 3 she would be constantly masturbating. We were really worried about it and so reached out to parenting forums for advice and we were reassured that's normal, most kids do it, it feels good so they do it. The advice we were given were to not stop it but to tell her it's something to only do in private. So we did that but then we'd find sometimes she'd have friends visiting then she would come over to us and ask if they would leave because she needed her alone time, which was her way of saying she needed to masturbate. She grew out of it or at least we stopped noticing. Our other kids were the same but we were less shocked.

But it taught me that kids are sexual and are not pure sexless beings. That doesn't mean contact is good, but it is a fact that kids are sexual.

Same here, tho I don't believe that contact is good for the children I am sexually attracted to but I think many of the things people say about them is more projection of adults rather than what they really are. I remember it so well... As a child I enjoyed rubbing myself against plushies, touch my dolls genitals, touch people while they were asleep, when I was in water parks in which there would be pools with splashs under water I would put my panties side ways to feel the water splash in my vagina, I would rub myself against other children and once I even tried to touch my father's genital when I was a little girl for sexual pleasure. Once I was at a pool and there was a mother putting her baby who appeared to be 2 year old at the time (I don't remember it very well, so the baby could have been even younger) I was a little girl at the time, I was 8. I played with the baby and the baby followed me the entire time. She even layed on the mattress I was. It was so cute and adorable. When I was 11, I fell in love with a 6 month old baby girl and I only stopped liking her when she was 4 year old, unfortunately, she grew up so fast. She no longer was appealing to me. Maybe I am projecting my delusions on myself as a child, but I remember it very well that I was a very sexual being at the time.