Years ago I had discovered my preference for people younger than me, but I had never told anyone. Once in therapy, I plucked up the courage and told her. It felt extremely good to say it, it was a weight off my shoulders, not because I felt guilty, but because I really wanted to talk to someone about it, I didn't know any map site (or even what map was) and I felt really alone.
The thing is, after I told her, I started questioning things like the age of consent and why sex "had" to hurt children. I remember something she said that I'll never forget. This psychologist with three professional certificates told me: "It's not the sex that's traumatic, it's what comes after."
My teenage brain never connected things so quickly as it did that afternoon! What comes after? And what comes after? I asked anxiously, she told me the usual, guilt, shame, but I didn't want to just sit there and listen with crossed arms, so I kept asking things like, "Why do they have to feel this way? They all feel this way? Have they ALWAYS felt this way? It wasn't even three days until we put the subject aside, she was a very good psychologist and I'm sure she put it aside because she didn't see that it affected me, but we're talking about pedophilia here. This teenager is having pedophilic thoughts! Not only that, shes defending it! Aren't you going to do anything about it?
I also remember one time she told me "as long as you don't hurt anyone it's fine, at the end of the day it's just a matter of taste."
I was quite surprised and reassured. Perhaps secretly she also saw what I saw, but she couldn't tell me, not to a patient, not to someone who could repeat it and "expose" her, not to a 14 year old. I shouldn't be making theories like that, she would probably come out and tell me why I'm wrong... but I don't know, I really see it like this.
What do you think? Any similar experiences?
Again, sorry if this is misunderstood, English is not my first
language.
