I HATE not being normal

[G@yWad69]

I know this is sterotypical, but why me? Why do I have to be a MAP? Why couldnt I be a regular person and just find adults attractive? Adults just look so gross to me. My life and mental health would be so much easier if I was normal, I wouldnt have this life destroying secret to bear. I wouldnt be apart of the worlds most hated community. I could just be a pedo hating normie and have a regular partner and kids and not be apart of some stupid revolution. Every day, people online and in person, jumping MAPs, torturing us, setting us on fire, calling for a mass genocide.

I tried so hard to find my peers and adults attractive in my minor years but all it did was make me repressed and self hating. I just couldnt do it. Theres nothing about adults I can find attractive outside of the rare DILF or attractive young man. There just so…bleh, and kids are so WOW. Everyday I have to go through life acting normal around adults, acting normal around kids, as repressed as a Christian nun. I cant even watch porn of what I find attractive unlike everyone else on this goddamn earth because I would spend decades in jail. I feel like ive been cursed with minor attraction. This is a curse. Im not even a normal MAP, im not attracted to a normal age group like teenagers, I dont even like teenagers, im attracted to fucking NEWBORNS! Who finds newborns attractive?!? Me for some stupid fucking reason. Whats wrong with my brain. I cant even relate to other MAPs because most of them find preteens and teenagers attractive, which is at least understandable psychologically because theyve sexually matured, but im a psychological abnormality. I get why normies call us mentally ill even though I know in my heart im not ill.

I feel so much guilt and shame for simply existing, like ive tortured and murdered a thousand children simply for finding them attractive. Im such a normal person outside my minor attraction, why couldnt my orientation be normal too?? Why did I have to win the unlucky lottery and be a apart of the 1% of pedophiles?? Why did I have to win the unlucky lottery and be apart of the 0.2% of nepiophiles?? Why would God do this to me? What did I do wrong? Does he hate me? Ive been into babys and toddlers since I was 10, I didnt even get a fucking chance to have a normal sex life before finishing elementary school, and I cant even tell my therapist or psychiatrist because they would treat me differently or even report me.

I just want to kill myself and be done with it all. I dont want to fight the antis but im only living out of spite, I just want to give in. Hopefully ill be born a normal person attracted to adults and not be apart of the most hated minority on earth. If the world hates me so bad why dont I just do what they want and shoot myself. Im not even 21 yet, I lied previously about being older. I dont know why life is worth living if not only the world hates me, but im not allowed to experience the one thing humans desire, which is love. Ill kill myself and everyone will be sad that another young person died not knowing my deep dark secret. Maybe ill do it once im old enough to buy a handgun. Ive already been fighting depression for a long ass time unrelated to my minor attraction(since age 9) and now this?? God wants me dead fr. He created me just to torture me. I hate him.

[Aspire6]

I am terribly sorry you feel this way, I wish I could give people a hug through the screen when I read difficult posts like these. Thank you for writing it, I know it must be so difficult at times.

Sometimes we need to hear it from someone else too, so hear this from me:
You are not a monster. You are not alone. You are amazing.

It certainly is not fair to be burdened with such difficulty. Not fair at all.

Just know that you still have purpose and meaning in your life, even if you may not see it right now. Your whole life is still ahead of you. It took me over a decade to accept myself and I've found things that I really enjoy.

I have in the past contemplated suicide, but it is not the answer. It never is the answer. You will regret it the moment you cross the point of no return, except you won't be able to take it back. Please don't go through with it. You now have at least one more person who cares about your well-being, please stay safe and keep your head up, we're all in this together.

[Fragment]

Honestly you said it best yourself:

I know in my heart im not ill.

Listen to your heart in this case and try to find peace there.

You're in a lot of pain- pain I can't even fully understand as a hebephile, but hold onto your truth. You're not broken or evil.

[G@yWad69]

Sometimes we need to hear it from someone else too, so hear this from me:
You are not a monster. You are not alone. You are amazing.

Thankyou so much! Your words mean alot to me *internet hugs*

[G@yWad69]

Honestly you said it best yourself:

I know in my heart im not ill.

Listen to your heart in this case and try to find peace there.

You're in a lot of pain- pain I can't even fully understand as a hebephile, but hold onto your truth. You're not broken or evil.

Thankyou Fragment, I am feeling much better now

[HumanBeing]

I know this is sterotypical, but why me? Why do I have to be a MAP? Why couldnt I be a regular person and just find adults attractive? Adults just look so gross to me. My life and mental health would be so much easier if I was normal, I wouldnt have this life destroying secret to bear. I wouldnt be apart of the worlds most hated community. I could just be a pedo hating normie and have a regular partner and kids and not be apart of some stupid revolution. Every day, people online and in person, jumping MAPs, torturing us, setting us on fire, calling for a mass genocide.

I tried so hard to find my peers and adults attractive in my minor years but all it did was make me repressed and self hating. I just couldnt do it. Theres nothing about adults I can find attractive outside of the rare DILF or attractive young man. There just so…bleh, and kids are so WOW. Everyday I have to go through life acting normal around adults, acting normal around kids, as repressed as a Christian nun. I cant even watch porn of what I find attractive unlike everyone else on this goddamn earth because I would spend decades in jail. I feel like ive been cursed with minor attraction. This is a curse. Im not even a normal MAP, im not attracted to a normal age group like teenagers, I dont even like teenagers, im attracted to fucking NEWBORNS! Who finds newborns attractive?!? Me for some stupid fucking reason. Whats wrong with my brain. I cant even relate to other MAPs because most of them find preteens and teenagers attractive, which is at least understandable psychologically because theyve sexually matured, but im a psychological abnormality. I get why normies call us mentally ill even though I know in my heart im not ill.

I feel so much guilt and shame for simply existing, like ive tortured and murdered a thousand children simply for finding them attractive. Im such a normal person outside my minor attraction, why couldnt my orientation be normal too?? Why did I have to win the unlucky lottery and be a apart of the 1% of pedophiles?? Why did I have to win the unlucky lottery and be apart of the 0.2% of nepiophiles?? Why would God do this to me? What did I do wrong? Does he hate me? Ive been into babys and toddlers since I was 10, I didnt even get a fucking chance to have a normal sex life before finishing elementary school, and I cant even tell my therapist or psychiatrist because they would treat me differently or even report me.

I just want to kill myself and be done with it all. I dont want to fight the antis but im only living out of spite, I just want to give in. Hopefully ill be born a normal person attracted to adults and not be apart of the most hated minority on earth. If the world hates me so bad why dont I just do what they want and shoot myself. Im not even 21 yet, I lied previously about being older. I dont know why life is worth living if not only the world hates me, but im not allowed to experience the one thing humans desire, which is love. Ill kill myself and everyone will be sad that another young person died not knowing my deep dark secret. Maybe ill do it once im old enough to buy a handgun. Ive already been fighting depression for a long ass time unrelated to my minor attraction(since age 9) and now this?? God wants me dead fr. He created me just to torture me. I hate him.

I understand that kind of feelings (I also had that kind of feelings as a MAP teenager) but that feelings can be overcome with time and reading about our history as a community, in my case realizing that we are the 21st century Jews in the Holocaust It made me lose all MAP-related stigma, why should I be ashamed of being healthy in a world led by insane people?.

We are NOT sick persons or "predators", the persons who enjoy to make us suffer and make profit for it (mainly politicians and corrupt NGOs leaders) are the real predators here, we must be proud of being ourselves even when the entire world is committing a genocide against us

[Justincredible]

I know this is sterotypical, but why me? Why do I have to be a MAP? Why couldnt I be a regular person and just find adults attractive? Adults just look so gross to me. My life and mental health would be so much easier if I was normal, I wouldnt have this life destroying secret to bear. I wouldnt be apart of the worlds most hated community. I could just be a pedo hating normie and have a regular partner and kids and not be apart of some stupid revolution. Every day, people online and in person, jumping MAPs, torturing us, setting us on fire, calling for a mass genocide.

I tried so hard to find my peers and adults attractive in my minor years but all it did was make me repressed and self hating. I just couldnt do it. Theres nothing about adults I can find attractive outside of the rare DILF or attractive young man. There just so…bleh, and kids are so WOW. Everyday I have to go through life acting normal around adults, acting normal around kids, as repressed as a Christian nun. I cant even watch porn of what I find attractive unlike everyone else on this goddamn earth because I would spend decades in jail. I feel like ive been cursed with minor attraction. This is a curse. Im not even a normal MAP, im not attracted to a normal age group like teenagers, I dont even like teenagers, im attracted to fucking NEWBORNS! Who finds newborns attractive?!? Me for some stupid fucking reason. Whats wrong with my brain. I cant even relate to other MAPs because most of them find preteens and teenagers attractive, which is at least understandable psychologically because theyve sexually matured, but im a psychological abnormality. I get why normies call us mentally ill even though I know in my heart im not ill.

I feel so much guilt and shame for simply existing, like ive tortured and murdered a thousand children simply for finding them attractive. Im such a normal person outside my minor attraction, why couldnt my orientation be normal too?? Why did I have to win the unlucky lottery and be a apart of the 1% of pedophiles?? Why did I have to win the unlucky lottery and be apart of the 0.2% of nepiophiles?? Why would God do this to me? What did I do wrong? Does he hate me? Ive been into babys and toddlers since I was 10, I didnt even get a fucking chance to have a normal sex life before finishing elementary school, and I cant even tell my therapist or psychiatrist because they would treat me differently or even report me.

I just want to kill myself and be done with it all. I dont want to fight the antis but im only living out of spite, I just want to give in. Hopefully ill be born a normal person attracted to adults and not be apart of the most hated minority on earth. If the world hates me so bad why dont I just do what they want and shoot myself. Im not even 21 yet, I lied previously about being older. I dont know why life is worth living if not only the world hates me, but im not allowed to experience the one thing humans desire, which is love. Ill kill myself and everyone will be sad that another young person died not knowing my deep dark secret. Maybe ill do it once im old enough to buy a handgun. Ive already been fighting depression for a long ass time unrelated to my minor attraction(since age 9) and now this?? God wants me dead fr. He created me just to torture me. I hate him.

Ughh .. I feel this soooo much. Every word you said is exactly what runs through my head sometimes. ..
Although, one thing you said at the end I just want to re-shape..

It's not God that wants us dead.. it's the devil, the enemy, the dark forces.. the opposite of God !! ..

the Bible says the devil wants to rob, kill and destroy us! .. and it's so true. He will use anything he can to steal our joy and destroy our happiness.

The devil's ultimate victory is for us to live in absolute misery until it's so unbearable that we kill ourselves. THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS! Don't let him win!!

On the other hand, God made us good, pure and beautiful.. he wants to see us happy, fulfilled and living with joy in our hearts.

I'll pray for you.. and please pray for me too.

We must keep bringing our trouble's to the foot of the cross. Because Jesus already paid the ultimate price for us. So, we can live free of guilt and go into this world with a pure and hopeful heart.

Take care my friend.. and keep fighting

[G@yWad69]

I know this is sterotypical, but why me? Why do I have to be a MAP? Why couldnt I be a regular person and just find adults attractive? Adults just look so gross to me. My life and mental health would be so much easier if I was normal, I wouldnt have this life destroying secret to bear. I wouldnt be apart of the worlds most hated community. I could just be a pedo hating normie and have a regular partner and kids and not be apart of some stupid revolution. Every day, people online and in person, jumping MAPs, torturing us, setting us on fire, calling for a mass genocide.

I tried so hard to find my peers and adults attractive in my minor years but all it did was make me repressed and self hating. I just couldnt do it. Theres nothing about adults I can find attractive outside of the rare DILF or attractive young man. There just so…bleh, and kids are so WOW. Everyday I have to go through life acting normal around adults, acting normal around kids, as repressed as a Christian nun. I cant even watch porn of what I find attractive unlike everyone else on this goddamn earth because I would spend decades in jail. I feel like ive been cursed with minor attraction. This is a curse. Im not even a normal MAP, im not attracted to a normal age group like teenagers, I dont even like teenagers, im attracted to fucking NEWBORNS! Who finds newborns attractive?!? Me for some stupid fucking reason. Whats wrong with my brain. I cant even relate to other MAPs because most of them find preteens and teenagers attractive, which is at least understandable psychologically because theyve sexually matured, but im a psychological abnormality. I get why normies call us mentally ill even though I know in my heart im not ill.

I feel so much guilt and shame for simply existing, like ive tortured and murdered a thousand children simply for finding them attractive. Im such a normal person outside my minor attraction, why couldnt my orientation be normal too?? Why did I have to win the unlucky lottery and be a apart of the 1% of pedophiles?? Why did I have to win the unlucky lottery and be apart of the 0.2% of nepiophiles?? Why would God do this to me? What did I do wrong? Does he hate me? Ive been into babys and toddlers since I was 10, I didnt even get a fucking chance to have a normal sex life before finishing elementary school, and I cant even tell my therapist or psychiatrist because they would treat me differently or even report me.

I just want to kill myself and be done with it all. I dont want to fight the antis but im only living out of spite, I just want to give in. Hopefully ill be born a normal person attracted to adults and not be apart of the most hated minority on earth. If the world hates me so bad why dont I just do what they want and shoot myself. Im not even 21 yet, I lied previously about being older. I dont know why life is worth living if not only the world hates me, but im not allowed to experience the one thing humans desire, which is love. Ill kill myself and everyone will be sad that another young person died not knowing my deep dark secret. Maybe ill do it once im old enough to buy a handgun. Ive already been fighting depression for a long ass time unrelated to my minor attraction(since age 9) and now this?? God wants me dead fr. He created me just to torture me. I hate him.

Ughh .. I feel this soooo much. Every word you said is exactly what runs through my head sometimes. ..
Although, one thing you said at the end I just want to re-shape..

It's not God that wants us dead.. it's the devil, the enemy, the dark forces.. the opposite of God !! ..

the Bible says the devil wants to rob, kill and destroy us! .. and it's so true. He will use anything he can to steal our joy and destroy our happiness.

The devil's ultimate victory is for us to live in absolute misery until it's so unbearable that we kill ourselves. THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS! Don't let him win!!

On the other hand, God made us good, pure and beautiful.. he wants to see us happy, fulfilled and living with joy in our hearts.

I'll pray for you.. and please pray for me too.

We must keep bringing our trouble's to the foot of the cross. Because Jesus already paid the ultimate price for us. So, we can live free of guilt and go into this world with a pure and hopeful heart.

Take care my friend.. and keep fighting

I just prayed for you, thankyou for your kind words. Your right it is the devil!

[Justincredible]

I know this is sterotypical, but why me? Why do I have to be a MAP? Why couldnt I be a regular person and just find adults attractive? Adults just look so gross to me. My life and mental health would be so much easier if I was normal, I wouldnt have this life destroying secret to bear. I wouldnt be apart of the worlds most hated community. I could just be a pedo hating normie and have a regular partner and kids and not be apart of some stupid revolution. Every day, people online and in person, jumping MAPs, torturing us, setting us on fire, calling for a mass genocide.

I tried so hard to find my peers and adults attractive in my minor years but all it did was make me repressed and self hating. I just couldnt do it. Theres nothing about adults I can find attractive outside of the rare DILF or attractive young man. There just so…bleh, and kids are so WOW. Everyday I have to go through life acting normal around adults, acting normal around kids, as repressed as a Christian nun. I cant even watch porn of what I find attractive unlike everyone else on this goddamn earth because I would spend decades in jail. I feel like ive been cursed with minor attraction. This is a curse. Im not even a normal MAP, im not attracted to a normal age group like teenagers, I dont even like teenagers, im attracted to fucking NEWBORNS! Who finds newborns attractive?!? Me for some stupid fucking reason. Whats wrong with my brain. I cant even relate to other MAPs because most of them find preteens and teenagers attractive, which is at least understandable psychologically because theyve sexually matured, but im a psychological abnormality. I get why normies call us mentally ill even though I know in my heart im not ill.

I feel so much guilt and shame for simply existing, like ive tortured and murdered a thousand children simply for finding them attractive. Im such a normal person outside my minor attraction, why couldnt my orientation be normal too?? Why did I have to win the unlucky lottery and be a apart of the 1% of pedophiles?? Why did I have to win the unlucky lottery and be apart of the 0.2% of nepiophiles?? Why would God do this to me? What did I do wrong? Does he hate me? Ive been into babys and toddlers since I was 10, I didnt even get a fucking chance to have a normal sex life before finishing elementary school, and I cant even tell my therapist or psychiatrist because they would treat me differently or even report me.

I just want to kill myself and be done with it all. I dont want to fight the antis but im only living out of spite, I just want to give in. Hopefully ill be born a normal person attracted to adults and not be apart of the most hated minority on earth. If the world hates me so bad why dont I just do what they want and shoot myself. Im not even 21 yet, I lied previously about being older. I dont know why life is worth living if not only the world hates me, but im not allowed to experience the one thing humans desire, which is love. Ill kill myself and everyone will be sad that another young person died not knowing my deep dark secret. Maybe ill do it once im old enough to buy a handgun. Ive already been fighting depression for a long ass time unrelated to my minor attraction(since age 9) and now this?? God wants me dead fr. He created me just to torture me. I hate him.

Ughh .. I feel this soooo much. Every word you said is exactly what runs through my head sometimes. ..
Although, one thing you said at the end I just want to re-shape..

It's not God that wants us dead.. it's the devil, the enemy, the dark forces.. the opposite of God !! ..

the Bible says the devil wants to rob, kill and destroy us! .. and it's so true. He will use anything he can to steal our joy and destroy our happiness.

The devil's ultimate victory is for us to live in absolute misery until it's so unbearable that we kill ourselves. THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS! Don't let him win!!

On the other hand, God made us good, pure and beautiful.. he wants to see us happy, fulfilled and living with joy in our hearts.

I'll pray for you.. and please pray for me too.

We must keep bringing our trouble's to the foot of the cross. Because Jesus already paid the ultimate price for us. So, we can live free of guilt and go into this world with a pure and hopeful heart.

Take care my friend.. and keep fighting

I just prayed for you, thankyou for your kind words. Your right it is the devil!

Amen.. and thank you! it really means a lot.

[Outis]

I'm sorry to hear you're hurting, it can really get to each of us at times.

But one thing I know is that you are normal. I mean what is normal?
I read a story that once they tried to design a cockpit in a fighter plane for normal proportioned pilots. They took measurements from hundreds of pilots, avereaged them and built a cockpit. Guess what, no pilots could fit it because it turns out there are no normal proportioned pilots, just as there are no normal people. There are just people, different people, the idea of normal is a myth.

You are as normal as the next person, and as good as the next person, and as deserving of love and praise as the next person. I know that, deep down you will find that you know that although it can get buried under fear and hate from the world. Just hold on to the reality of who you are.

Oh and as for being a map, that's a beautiful and special part of who you are. If you're religious, God gave you that quality for a reason. If you're not religious, nature doesn't waste, you were given this quality to make you a better person. See it as a gift, a part of you to be thankful for. Don't listen to others who lack that gift telling you to rip it out, instead honour it and love it because it means you see young people, care for young people, you're one of natures protectors and lovers of young people.