Non-exclusive MAPs, does your connection with minors affect your connection with adults?

[Objectophile]

I am a non-exclusive objectophile. I am about 70% attracted to objects and 30% attracted to humans. I am posting here for peer support from other paraphiles, since there is absolutely no objectophile forum. I would like to know if my experience is common with other paraphilias.

Objectification of People
I noticed I have a tendency to objectify people, even platonic friends. This doesn't mean that I view them as literal objects. Rather, I always expect something out of a human relationship. With platonic friends, I expect them to hang out with me and buy me gifts and food. If they don't that, I will have a lower opinion of our friendship. I will get jealous if I see my friend do those things with someone else, but I know it's wrong to complain so I kept my mouth shut. The hypocritical part is that I would buy gifts for people only if there is a high chance they will do the same for me. When faced with the opportunity to give gifts, I saw it as an investment. Selfishly, I would lose all interest in group hangouts because I get little out of it. I get little socialising because the attention is divided among a group of people.

With romantic and sexual relationships, I expect sex. I enjoy receiving but not giving. I view it as a courtesy to placate the other person and get them to come back to me. I honestly don't care about their pleasure. I only care that they will likely come back for more since they enjoyed it.

When my ex-partner already spent with someone else and was too exhausted, I was very mad that she can't do it with me lol. I am not a coercive person, so I journaled my rage down instead of confronting her. I soon realised that I have certain expectations of people as if they were mere products. My ex-partner promised me her high libido. I naively thought her high libido is a constant facet of her and expected it from her every single day. Since objects are constant and unchanging, I unconsciously believe that humans should be like that. I outright prefer humans to BE like that, even though I know it's impossible for a human to have attributes of an object. When my expectations of people are not fulfilled, I feel betrayed lol.

Closing Thoughts
I am aware that this disordered behaviour may have nothing to do with my objectophilia. It may even be anti-paraphilic to blame mental health behaviour on paraphilias. But I like to over-analyse stuff. As my objectophilia is my dominant sexuality, it makes sense for my human sexuality to be affected by it. I skimmed through one of BlueRibbon's essays where he says that MAPs prefer the company of younger people over mature people. As an objectophile, I prefer getting a new object relationship over a human relationship. If some paraphiles prefer the company of their attracted entity over others, wouldn't they have social deficits on the latter? I wonder if MAPs infantilise adults or have trouble interacting with them since they are accustomed to youthful/childish behaviour.

If paraphiles really have such social deficits, I wonder what is the pro-paraphile to counteract it? My psychologist said that I should develop my human connection separately from my connection with objects. In theory, I agree with him. But then again, my objectophilia is the dominant sexuality. Hence, separating it from the way I view human relationships may be impossible. I am also overly cautious about his words for any anti-paraphilic bias. I wonder if someone's paraphilia affects the entire way they view relationships; or, according to my therapist/psychologist, it is simply one sphere of my life.

[BLueRibbon]

I'm an exclusive MAP, but as regards platonic friendships with adults...

I would say yes, but I'm not sure that it's inherent. Having to cover up my MAP orientation definitely creates a sense of disconnection from other adults.

It's a shame, because like you I'm a hyper-analyzer and overthinker. Sometimes it would be nice to connect with similar people for really in-depth conversations, but well, that's not really possible when you have to hide the fact that you're a MAP.

Most adults seem to like me enough. It's generally me rejecting them, or rather keeping them at a distance because maintaining a charade is just exhausting for someone who would prefer to be brutally honest.

[PorcelainLark]

I prefer more spontaneous, easy-going adults; personality traits that appeal to me in children appeal to me in adults. Same with appearances, the more an adult looks like a child the more attractive they are: bright eyes, short stature.

[Objectophile]

I prefer more spontaneous, easy-going adults; personality traits that appeal to me in children appeal to me in adults. Same with appearances, the more an adult looks like a child the more attractive they are: bright eyes, short stature.

I can relate to that. People who share superficial traits with my preferred objects appeal to me. I love it when a person has dark yet shiny skin or, more rarely, extremely pale white skin. Their hair must be a blonde that is exactly the colour of gold or grey silvery hair. It must be shiny and real; I cannot handle dyed hair like counterfeit metals. Finally, I like a tapered waist. It also helps (but not necessary) if my potential human partner is wealthy and materialistic.

I love ornate objects, which are usually curvy and lacquered. So, my object preferences are passed on to my human sexuality. Strangely, it is never the reverse.

Admittedly, I feel guilty for pursuing people with the first 2 attributes. My skin colour preference may be considered racist or race fetishising. Hair colour is less politicised so I'm less guilty about it.

[bluestater]

It deinitely does. My MAPdom only applies to males in an exclusive way, meaning I can be attracted to adult women, and in fact I was married for eight years, and engaged for awhile after my marriage didn't work out. Now that I am 50 I have decided that I could not be with a woman who does not accept the fact that I'm emotionally a CL also, which narrows down the range of possibilities quite a bit. And I can never get very comfortable around people who I know to be hostile to the general concept of child sexuality.

[Objectophile]

I prefer more spontaneous, easy-going adults; personality traits that appeal to me in children appeal to me in adults. Same with appearances, the more an adult looks like a child the more attractive they are: bright eyes, short stature.

Would you feel guilty for pursuing adults with those childlike traits? I am hesitant to pursue people who share superficial traits with objects (ex. dark shiny skin resembles the black lacquer of a cane) because, once they find out, they would accuse me of fetishising their skin colour. Hell, they might even say I am objectifying them. I have seen people criticise others for pursuing youthful partners, saying that they are only interested because the partner is of a legal age yet appears under-aged. I believe this is a problem non-exclusive paraphiles face. Our paraphilia affects our 'normative' sexuality. Normies cannot reconcile that, and shame us for it.

[PorcelainLark]

I prefer more spontaneous, easy-going adults; personality traits that appeal to me in children appeal to me in adults. Same with appearances, the more an adult looks like a child the more attractive they are: bright eyes, short stature.

Would you feel guilty for pursuing adults with those childlike traits? I am hesitant to pursue people who share superficial traits with objects (ex. dark shiny skin resembles the black lacquer of a cane) because, once they find out, they would accuse me of fetishising their skin colour. Hell, they might even say I am objectifying them. I have seen people criticise others for pursuing youthful partners, saying that they are only interested because the partner is of a legal age yet appears under-aged. I believe this is a problem non-exclusive paraphiles face. Our paraphilia affects our 'normative' sexuality. Normies cannot reconcile that, and shame us for it.

Morally, I don't really feel guilty about it. My concerns are more about how it might impact my life further down the line. If you feel guilty about objectifying people, I'm sorry I don't really relate. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but could I ask? Do actually feel guilty about objectification, or do you feel obligated to talk about it? There's a lot of stuff which feels abstract and disconnected from tangible emotional experience to me, and guilt over objectification doesn't feel real to me somehow. Sorry if that sounds dismissive, I want to be respectful, even though I have my doubts about that particular emotional experience.

[xeon]

In terms of non-sexual relationships it definitely affects them due having to hide it, feeling like I will never be able to truly be open to someone because of it, and not feeling comfortable around people when they say anti things.

I don't know that it effects what I like sexually in adults much though. I am an exclusive pedo/nepiophile when it come to girls, but I am non-exclusive when it comes to boys/men. What I find attractive in adult men couldn't be much more opposite to that of what I like in little boys. I like big strong hairy men in their late 30's and 40's when it comes to adults, but those traits would be very unattractive to me in little kids. What I find sexually attractive in kids are mostly just same kinds of traits teleios would find 'cute'. Or really I just all of the traits typical of a toddler- small body, cute face, hairless body, smooth skin, small baby hands, and a childish innocent personality. In children I also prefer longer messy blond hair, where as with adult men I prefer shorter darker hair (though for the most part I don't really care about the color of adult hair). I am also a very kinky person in general and many (but definitely not all) of the kink related things I like with adult men I don't care for in children. I do have a bit of a kink for adults age playing as babies/little kids though.

[Objectophile]

I prefer more spontaneous, easy-going adults; personality traits that appeal to me in children appeal to me in adults. Same with appearances, the more an adult looks like a child the more attractive they are: bright eyes, short stature.

Would you feel guilty for pursuing adults with those childlike traits? I am hesitant to pursue people who share superficial traits with objects (ex. dark shiny skin resembles the black lacquer of a cane) because, once they find out, they would accuse me of fetishising their skin colour. Hell, they might even say I am objectifying them. I have seen people criticise others for pursuing youthful partners, saying that they are only interested because the partner is of a legal age yet appears under-aged. I believe this is a problem non-exclusive paraphiles face. Our paraphilia affects our 'normative' sexuality. Normies cannot reconcile that, and shame us for it.

Morally, I don't really feel guilty about it. My concerns are more about how it might impact my life further down the line. If you feel guilty about objectifying people, I'm sorry I don't really relate. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but could I ask? Do actually feel guilty about objectification, or do you feel obligated to talk about it? There's a lot of stuff which feels abstract and disconnected from tangible emotional experience to me, and guilt over objectification doesn't feel real to me somehow. Sorry if that sounds dismissive, I want to be respectful, even though I have my doubts about that particular emotional experience.

I don't feel actual guilt over the way I treated people. I only feel guilty because it could affect my reputation, which did happen in real life. If you mistreat one person, even on accident, they will tell their circles and you'll be a pariah. This had nothing to do with my objectophilia, in fact they were pretty accepting of it. I realised I have a distorted view on relationships and intimacy. I desire people to serve me; whether by entertaining, buying me gifts/food or assisting me; it doesn't matter much as long as they give me something. This is not a problem by itself; the problem is that I have no desire to give back to others, unless it is guaranteed they will return the favour. I am also very, very averse to being criticised, even as a joke. The end result is anger issues. My psychologist basically said I don't like it when my boundaries are crossed, so I disregard people's boundaries in return. Yes, this is a very big problem and I'm addressing it in therapy.

Because of my 70/30 objectophilia and anthropophilia split (anthropophilia means attraction to humans), objects' appearances appeal to me more than humans. Being the overthinker I am, I wonder if this applies to relationship dynamics. Object relationships are essentially one-way, where my object can give me unlimited time and attention (as long as I own it) and has no ability to cross my boundaries. I don't have to give anything back to objects besides my adoration and occasionally maintaining it. I pondered a lot of questions. Do I prefer object relationship dynamics moreso than human relationship dynamics? Does this preference cause problems on the human side of my attraction? I wonder if this problem applies to other non-exclusive paraphiles as well. However, I am aware that my question may perpetuate harmful myths about paraphiles. There is a stereotype that paraphiles impose their sexuality on the general population in a predatory manner (eg. fetish farming). This stereotype can be extended to dating preferences and relationship dynamics. When I realised that I felt entitled to my ex-partner giving me pleasure, I began questioning whether I objectified her. If I did objectify her; is it due to my mental illness or because I was used to a certain relationship dynamic with objects? (These are all rhetorical questions.)

Your mention of 'emotional (dis)connection' rang bells. I have known for a while that my bonds with humans are not as deep as with objects. I actually wanted to ask this forum if they bonded with children better than adults, but BlueRibbon's essay already confirmed it for me. (From that essay, I wanted to ask if MAPs struggle with befriending adults and would like to only interact with children. But that is a question for another thread.) I wonder if my failed relationships are due to my decreased interest in humans; my therapist even asked me if I liked being around the people I befriended/dated. The answer? I detest them unless they give me something.

Since both our replies discussed superficial appearance, I'll address it. I am pretty open about my objectophilia. Sooner or later, all my friends and partners will know. Sometimes I have been shunned, sometimes they do not care much. However, I have learned that normies' general consensus of objectophilia is that it's a pitiful mental issue. If it does not affect them, they will not care much. If it affects them, they will withdraw. As such, I am hypervigilant of how I present my paraphilia. I don't want to stop being open about it, but I have to hide the unsightly parts. If they knew that my object dating preferences transfers over to my human sexuality, it will raise eyebrows. And since it concerns skin tone, it will be even more suspicious. The only reason I like certain skin colours is their resemblance to my preferred objects. I have neither of those skin colours, so it already looks like race fetishising. If they knew I compare those skin colours to objects, there will be accusations of me viewing a certain race as literal objects. It also does not help that the way I treat people is transactional.

Closing Thoughts
I am aware that my post indicates a lot of internalised shame. I am very glad that this forum is explicitly pro-paraphilia, so it can counteract the shame I have. My objectification of people may very well be attachment issues, rather than a side effect of my paraphilia. In that case, my objectophilia is actually a lifesaver because objects don't trigger my attachment issues as much as people. I actually asked my therapist how to eliminate the 30% human attraction, but he was appalled. He says that I am shutting myself from one facet of life. I feel that he doesn't even consider that non-exclusive paraphiles struggle to reconcile their dual attractions. He is tolerant but maybe not well-trained, so I came to this forum for peer experiences. In my mind, becoming exclusive is still the best way to treat my relationship issues. I treat most people like crap but I treat all objects like the divine gods they are. I wanted to discuss if my non-exclusive objectophilia is causing impairments in my human relationships, but the therapist didn't believe it lol. I still think my non-exclusivity is an issue and I would like to become an exclusive objectophile. Most people want to eliminate their paraphilia, but I'm the only one who wants to become exclusive.

[Not Forever]

[...]

Maybe it’s just the way I see things, but I’ve always thought that selfishness and objectification are constants in all relationships, even if in different shades or amounts, with different margins of tolerance.

Even being attracted to someone’s personality is, to me, a kind of objectification, because we like their reactions, their movements, the way they speak, carry themselves, and so on. And the moment a partner says they’re from an exotic country, that element gets fetishized. You sleep with a French person? With an Italian? I think it’s natural to objectify that characteristic. Or at least, I think it’s natural for some people to do so.

Just as it seems more than natural to me that your objectophilia and anthropophilia share some common elements and don’t function in completely separate compartments. I think that’s normal, consistent, and maybe even healthy. I honestly don’t see anything wrong with it, and I’d be inclined to say you shouldn’t worry too much about it. We all have preferences; I don’t think there exists a purely “spiritual” and metaphysical love totally detached from reality, free of any form of objectification.

But maybe my idea of objectification is too broad.

And the same goes for selfishness: I think everyone expects something, even if it’s not the same thing for everyone. Maybe someone can tolerate getting nothing for a while, but only because they have a broader view of the relationship, or because what they gain lies outside of it, or to avoid some kind of harm.

My own attraction, for example, is closely tied to aesthetics and narrative, to the point where I prefer entertainment over any real relationship. I’m the type of person who, if they watched porn, would do it for the plot.