Masochism
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PorcelainLark
- Posts: 923
- Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2024 9:13 pm
Masochism
Do any of you feel bad about being masochistic? I feel ashamed of being a masochist, personally. Where do you draw the line between pleasure and self-harm? How do you know whether to trust a partner if your desires can be self-destructive? The painter Francis Bacon fascinates me because of his masochism.
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OnionPetal
- Posts: 81
- Joined: Sat Jul 13, 2024 12:04 pm
Re: Masochism
Whilst I am not masochistic, I know that it's fairly common in the child-love community, so I have a lot of friends with those fantasies. And as someone with a few... ummm... 'unusual' interests, I've always found these topics really fascinating.
In the context of child love, masochistic fantasies are really fun because they break that stereotype about power dymanics for MAPs, and it gives the kid that power/control. You probably can't get more harmless when discussing power dynamics, than wanting the kid to take full control of the situation. So there's definitely nothing to feel ashamed about in that context. Some friends have also expressed to me that they have no internal conflict about some of their more extreme masochistic fantasies, because they recognise them as just fantasy.
However, when it comes to actual practices IRL (i.e., with a legal-aged, consenting partner), then it's really important to consider safety. I'm not an expert on these practices, but I also don't know the best direction to refer you regarding safety, because I've honestly seen some adult forums on this topic, where people were recommending 'safety protocol' that had me honestly concerned about the actual serious risks involved with certain activities. So as much as I love kinky fun, I always recommend people being very careful. In terms of setting self-boundaries, perhaps (when feeling most clear-headed), determining what risks are acceptable to the individual would be a good place to start. But seriously, I do value all MAPs, and I often encourage people to do whatever they can to avoid risk of serious or permanent injury. Serious accidental injuries can come with a lot of guilt for anyone, even if they are not masochistic.
As far as the question of trust... I had not really thought too deeply about this before, particularly from the more vulnerable perspective of the sub. But I had always assumed that kinky relationships are built on mutual trust. And I always thought that it's the dom's responsibility to take care of and ensure the safety of the sub. Having a long relationship with good communication and taking things slowly might help build that trust. I don't really want to think about the scary possibility that someone might violate their partner's trust, but I suppose that could come down to a consent issue. I.e., clearly delineating in advance what someone does and does not consent to. Respecting safewords, etc. Respecting these things is naturally always a requirement in any legal and healthy relationship, but I'm sure that's nothing new to you.
In the context of child love, masochistic fantasies are really fun because they break that stereotype about power dymanics for MAPs, and it gives the kid that power/control. You probably can't get more harmless when discussing power dynamics, than wanting the kid to take full control of the situation. So there's definitely nothing to feel ashamed about in that context. Some friends have also expressed to me that they have no internal conflict about some of their more extreme masochistic fantasies, because they recognise them as just fantasy.
However, when it comes to actual practices IRL (i.e., with a legal-aged, consenting partner), then it's really important to consider safety. I'm not an expert on these practices, but I also don't know the best direction to refer you regarding safety, because I've honestly seen some adult forums on this topic, where people were recommending 'safety protocol' that had me honestly concerned about the actual serious risks involved with certain activities. So as much as I love kinky fun, I always recommend people being very careful. In terms of setting self-boundaries, perhaps (when feeling most clear-headed), determining what risks are acceptable to the individual would be a good place to start. But seriously, I do value all MAPs, and I often encourage people to do whatever they can to avoid risk of serious or permanent injury. Serious accidental injuries can come with a lot of guilt for anyone, even if they are not masochistic.
As far as the question of trust... I had not really thought too deeply about this before, particularly from the more vulnerable perspective of the sub. But I had always assumed that kinky relationships are built on mutual trust. And I always thought that it's the dom's responsibility to take care of and ensure the safety of the sub. Having a long relationship with good communication and taking things slowly might help build that trust. I don't really want to think about the scary possibility that someone might violate their partner's trust, but I suppose that could come down to a consent issue. I.e., clearly delineating in advance what someone does and does not consent to. Respecting safewords, etc. Respecting these things is naturally always a requirement in any legal and healthy relationship, but I'm sure that's nothing new to you.
In the absence of a clear blueprint, a good imagination is essential.