bnkywuv wrote: Tue May 12, 2026 11:22 am
I live with an anti if that helps you feel better!
I was able to tell my dad who then alter admitted he was an ehebephile. But I'd never, ever tell my other parent! She'd practically burn me alive at the stake, turn me into steak and eat me!
I basically accepted this is something I've tried over and over to change and never could.
I don't understand why an attraction to older adolescents would be considered notable from an evolutionary perspective. 'Hebephilia' doesn't even make much sense to me. I am not well-read on the issue but the classifications seem to be entirely age-based (in the case of hebephilia, apparently attraction to people aged 11-14 is the general criteria. Some even put the age of attraction for 'pedophilia' as high as 13) as opposed to being centered around approximate visible development which overlaps with age lines (I can see how looking a certain age, facially, could be taken as an indicator of potential fertility, even if puberty per se changes nothing about a girl's face; I don't know if it does). Why would anyone put 11-year-olds in the same category as 14-year-olds? By 14, most girls have had their first period (when malnutrition isn't an issue. It's around 90% at 13.75). By 13, apparently around half of them have.
Some researchers have even claimed that an attraction to pubescent children is statistically rare and 'dysfunctional.' I fucking hate psychologists with everything that I have inside of me. I am sick to death of these people and their deluded, unscientific sense of authority. I can agree that a
preference for pubescent girls at Tanner stage 4 can coherently be thought of as maladaptive despite their being relatively fertile (I'm not sure how easily average people could/would even differentiate between the two or between average 13-year-olds and average 16-year-olds. If the average girl gets her first period at 12.X then the average girl will hit Tanner stage 5 as 14.X) but not any level of attraction (even with Tanner stage 3, and even prepubescent girls, an attraction can be implied just through what they have in common with fully sexually mature females at Tanner stage 5). I seriously doubt that average men are not remotely attracted to 12/13 year-old girls who are just starting to get their periods (which will typically occur two years after breast development. Expecting attraction to suddenly arise once a girl has her first period, or even as she hits Tanner stage 5, seems unreasonable. Attraction is relative and the process of becoming sexually mature is just that-a gradual process, so drawing these hard fast lines between age groups makes no sense to me, on top of individual variation). Ephebophilia makes all the less sense to me because the difference between Tanner stage 5 adolescents and legal adults (i.e. our putting them in different categories, in terms of attraction, when they're both sexually mature) is cultural.
They'll never claim that a preference for perimenopausal women (never mind post menopausal women) or same-sex partners is "dysfunctional" though (and it's so aggravating that these people think they can shirk around the fact that 'mental illness' has nothing to do with observable biological dysfunction by redefining 'dysfunctional' to mean 'maladaptive').
I've never really thought of myself as a 'MAP.' I don't think I've ever thought that there was anything notable about being attracted to developed-looking 12-year-olds or young teens (I might very well be deviant in that I wouldn't necessarily say I have a preference for fully sexually mature females. 13-15 might even be my super-ideal but if it is it's not a strong preference, I would be perfectly happy with a 30-something-year old partner even though I can't stand the restrictions of the conventional age-gap taboo; women under 30 or 35 or whenever being off-limits depending on how old you are, which is somewhat pointless for me to be concerned with considering unrequited attraction and my body image problems, my erectile dysfunction, my social anxiety, my inability to connect with people and 'misanthropy' and general lack of interest in non-fantasy partners; given how people are in the real world, I mean, I'm not one of those 'fictionalsexuals' who supposedly doesn't have a fundamental preference for real life sex/romance, but it's the principle of the matter that means something to me. I generally don't start to find girls very attractive until around 12, there are some exceptional 11-year olds, but there are probably some 12-year-olds who are too underdeveloped-looking for me. I might even say that I've probably never seen a 14-year-old girl I wasn't strongly attracted to for age-related reasons. I'm mildly attracted to some girls as young as 6/7 but I definitely don't prefer them, for a long time after I liberalized my views on child sexuality I could never successfully sexualize them because the idea of them being wild for sex just seemed unrealistic; I don't want to elaborate, and at the risk of being crude, even though I can occasionally see one in a bathing suit and feel attracted to them, if I orgasmed to the fantasy of one I might feel off after in a way that I wouldn't with a girl/woman in her teens, twenties or thirties. My interest in them has largely, but not entirely, been tied to the idea of a romanticish relationship with one or being uninhibited/freaky and not raw sexual attraction but I don't want to get into that. I sometimes find it impossible to sexualize them, e.g. when I'm extremely sick, so I can say that I'm 'mildly attracted' to them but it's kind of hard to make sense of that. In short, I prefer teens and older. Not that they were visible to me, I rarely see even young teens in movies, tv shows etc. as it is, but I don't remember ever thinking about prepubescent girls in that way when I was a teen and I don't think it was because of inhibition).
Sorry for the bad post format (e.g. the laughably long 'side' points in parentheses) but I've already somehow wasted the day so I don't want to edit, or mention certain things. Child-adult sex really angered me at one point in my early twenties (I was 22 or 23 when I changed my position) but I don't ever remember having an issue with adults being with teens or thinking about it. When I was 20 I had a crush on Kimberly Drummond on Diff'rent Strokes, I think she was 13 when the show started, I don't remember being ashamed of that or even thinking that my attraction to a much younger person was notable (I think I was 20 when I started watching the show, she was my strongest celebrity crush at some point in my early 20s/20s at least).
I don't think there's anything wrong with a maladaptive preference, but one of the things that has helped me to put things into perspective is that my body, as a male body, is adapted to be intimate with girls/women of reproductive age. It would be fine if my attractions or preferences were deviant or abnormal (because obviously not all men are attracted to, only attracted to or prefer girls/women of reproductive age and their preferred relationships should be valued insofar as they could be a source of happiness for them and their would-be partners), but the stigma (around, say, a middle-aged man merely being attracted to women in their early 20s) is rooted in a denial of what it means to be a biological man.
