Question for AAMs: Why Are Adults Attractive to You?

[WavesInEternity]

Given how we have a few AAMs on this forum, I would be very curious to know what it is that you find more attractive about adults than peers of your own age.

As for what MAPs like about young people... (You should write your answer before reading what follows.)

Spoiler!

Obviously, a large part of it is how incredibly cute younger girls (and, for a lot of MAPs but not myself, boys) can be, but it's far from only about appearance. I can't speak for all MAPs, but I for one am strongly attracted to childlike personality traits such as curiosity, playfulness, simplicity, candor, untainted authenticity, and a non-judgmental attitude.

A common fetish among MAPs is that of initiating a young person to sexuality, but this is far from a purely sexual thing: in fact, many of us gravitate toward roles as teachers and mentors to youths. We tend to be protective of young people and love when they rely on us, trust us, learn from us, and so on. It can be the most wonderful thing in the world to us to help a young person we love blossom in all respects and feel happy and self-confident.

One of the most common misconceptions is that we enjoy having power and control over our younger partner. Even for someone like me who practices consensual BDSM as the Dominant/Sadistic partner, it has nothing to do with it. We actually tend to treat young people in a more egalitarian fashion than non-MAPs, and at least one study has shown that we have more empathy for them.

[fraise]

i’m not exactly sure, but i think for myself, it might be the authority affiliated with adults?? maybe it’s the need to be dominated???? in a non-sexual way, it does kind of comfort me being by a “larger” individual
it’s honestly kind of hard to decide when i think deeper about it
maybe i’m just mentally ill i dunno

[WavesInEternity]

i’m not exactly sure, but i think for myself, it might be the authority affiliated with adults?? maybe it’s the need to be dominated???? in a non-sexual way, it does kind of comfort me being by a “larger” individual

Interesting. Adult female autopedophiles* I've met (that's 2 people, so not exactly a representative sample) were sexually submissive and physically petite. Whether in a sexual context or not, they enjoyed making me feel protective, and I enjoyed feeling that way. Paedohebephilic** age play between consenting adults necessarily has an element of dominance & submission, given how the "child" partner plays a vulnerable, naive and candid role. I've always wondered how actual AMSC would compare. My hunch is that there would be a lot of diversity, just as with adult-adult sexual contact. Role-play relies on stereotypes, after all, rather than reflecting reality.

Most MAPs aren't really "dominant". I very much am, but I've found myself to be an exception. I even know a few straight male MAPs that prefer to be dominated, although it's rare.

it’s honestly kind of hard to decide when i think deeper about it
maybe i’m just mentally ill i dunno

To be fair, at your age, I'd have been hard pressed to give any further explanation for my attraction to younger girls other than "they're cute". I've had a couple decades to think about the matter since.

You're not mentally ill. At least, not because of that—I can't vouch for the rest of your mind. Sexuality is weird. Sexual orientations and fetishes are the weirdest of all. Feeling protective (or protected) in a romantic context has clear evolutionary benefits, so that's understandable. But why did I once fall in love with a 7-year-old girl, who surely couldn't have babies? Why are childlike, hairless female genitalia the only type I find attractive, and the typical attributes of fertility (breasts, pubic hair, wide hips, etc.) are unappealing to me? Why do men fall in love with men and women fall in love with women? Often, on an individual level, there is no reason at all for why we find something attractive, it's just a matter of brain wiring resulting from quirks of natural selection (I'm actually writing an article on that topic).

But still, there's more to it. Why do so many men (myself included) find schoolgirl uniforms to be so attractive? Clearly it must be about how it serves as a visual cue for a certain social role and certain individual attributes. A culturally conditioned response. But I could argue that miniskirts are inherently attractive on females (it has been academically argued that "sexiness" is about showing just enough, but never too much; zettai ryouiki is an interesting example), so the situation with schoolgirl uniforms isn't as clear-cut. There may be an innate aspect to the matter.

Everything about BDSM gets way, way more complex. Why do I love to tie up my partner for erotic purposes (shibari or kinbaku)? Is it the helplessness of my partner, or the trust it implies? Or perhaps the fact that it makes the situation completely predictable for me? A way to tame the maelstrom of erotic desire, to domesticate the most savage aspects of intimacy? But I also do find it to be quite pretty, in a way I can't quite explain.

I've talked a lot about male sexual desire, because that's obviously what I know best, but female sexual desire is arguably even more complex and strange. While male libido is primarily visual and centered on "wanting/taking", the female counterpart tends to be more relational and centered on "being wanted/taken". Rape fantasies, which are quite common in both genders (and which I do have), are the logical conclusion of the asymmetry. The archetypal female lust to be "desired" and "taken" seems to often also involve a degree of longing for a stabilizing force, a metaphorical "rock" that will provide security. From that point of view, your preference for adults makes perfect sense.

Anyway... Sex. Is. Weird.

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* Adults who find it sexually arousing to think of themselves as children, dress up as children, act as children, etc.

** That means paedophilia, attraction to ages 5-11, plus hebephilia, attraction to ages 11-14. There's a lot of overlap. For instance, I'm most attracted to the 10/11-14 range, but I can also be very attracted to younger girls, and to some adults that display strong neoteny.

[Olivia2012]

I'm honestly not sure why I prefer MAPs but I think it has to do with their authority? idk, I really prefer when they're more dominant. Also, I kinda like the whole mentor trope that boys my age obviously can't really fulfill. Regarding looks, MAPS r also just hotter lol

[WavesInEternity]

I'm honestly not sure why I prefer MAPs but I think it has to do with their authority? idk, I really prefer when they're more dominant. Also, I kinda like the whole mentor trope that boys my age obviously can't really fulfill. Regarding looks, MAPS r also just hotter lol

Pretty much the same as fraise.
It's ironic then that MAPs tend to make less use of their authority toward young people than non-MAPs. Most of us are very much into the "mentor trope", but few of us view it through the lens of domination and power. I'm sexually (and, to some extent, romantically) dominant, but I never view myself as an authority figure.

Interestingly, I'd say that what both of you claim to like about MAAs is essentially the same as what my adult autopedophilic partners said they liked about this aspect of their sexuality. It's worth mentioning that both of them said they'd have preferred to actually date the adult me while they were still in their early teens or late tweens, although they weren't preferential AAMs back then.

As for MAPs being hotter... I don't know? In my case: I've had a really tough life, and it shows (I'm literally missing part of a limb, ugh).

[Cici23]

personally I have always been called mature for my age and honestly I can’t agree more with people that say that I have much better conversations with people older than me than I do with people my age I find it frustrating to talk to those my age anyways because they’re ideals and goals are so different from mine so my main reasoning would be that I find adults to be more comparable in emotional maturity to me that and honestly the idea of having a strong and mature male figure they’re to sort of whisk me away has always been something I’ve liked and sadly most 14 year old boys aren’t exactly the type to romance you or really provide anything to a relationship not to mention facial hair (when well groomed) is very attractive to me which most 14 year old boys are lacking of

[WavesInEternity]

personally I have always been called mature for my age and honestly I can’t agree more with people that say that I have much better conversations with people older than me than I do with people my age I find it frustrating to talk to those my age anyways because they’re ideals and goals are so different from mine so my main reasoning would be that I find adults to be more comparable in emotional maturity to me that and honestly the idea of having a strong and mature male figure they’re to sort of whisk me away has always been something I’ve liked and sadly most 14 year old boys aren’t exactly the type to romance you or really provide anything to a relationship not to mention facial hair (when well groomed) is very attractive to me which most 14 year old boys are lacking of

Lovely. I felt much the same way when I was your age. In fact, by the time my 13th year ended, I'd say I was already more mature than 99%+ of 18-year-olds. However, I was still very much in denial about my minor-attraction until age 15, and even then, I was very strictly anti-contact at the time, so I (rather self-destructively, in retrospect) focused on girls above the local age of consent of 16 as potential romantic interests. You're fortunate in that you seem to be fairly comfortable with your desires and the idea of being desired by adults.

I'd point out that, as a MAA now, I much prefer young girls who are intelligent beyond their years and interesting. In fact, I have a bit of a fetish for intellectually gifted girls.

I'm looking forward to having interesting conversations with you. Would you be interested in youth rights activism? I'm looking for young people to mentor on the topic via this forum.

Another question, if it's not too personal: have you actually had a romantic relationship with an adult man yet?

[Cici23]

yeah I’m very fortunate to have come to terms with my attraction to adults so easily-It was difficult at times but eventually I realized that if I didn’t choose my attraction then why force myself to reject it so much? I mean most if not all lgbtq people say that sexuality isn’t something you choose but you are born with, honestly I see my attraction no differently to theirs.

The mentor trope is one I especially love. On the topic of romance I have sadly not been in any relationships with a man in my preferred age range. I’ve only had very short lived and uninteresting relationships with people around my age. They only served as a proxy when I was particularly lonely.

I think being involved in activism would be lovely helping out people like me and the general maa and aam community would be great, if you have any advice on how I can get started on activism I would really appreciate it!

[WavesInEternity]

yeah I’m very fortunate to have come to terms with my attraction to adults so easily-It was difficult at times but eventually I realized that if I didn’t choose my attraction then why force myself to reject it so much? I mean most if not all lgbtq people say that sexuality isn’t something you choose but you are born with, honestly I see my attraction no differently to theirs.

Many researchers now acknowledge chronophilias as innate, unchangeable sexual orientations. They always add that nepiophilia, paedophilia, and (in some jurisdictions and to some extent) hebephilia are however unique in that acting upon one's desire would necessarily lead to disaster. I used to share that anti-contact view, but have recently moved toward a moderate pro-c stance on the issue, although I'm still anti-contact regarding nepiophilia and certainly think grown men shouldn't be engaging in penetrative sex with 5-year-olds or marrying 8-year-olds, for instance.

The mentor trope is one I especially love.

You do know what lolicon is, right? My ex-girlfriend, who shared my love for those erotic manga, once described my knowledge of lolicon works as "encyclopedic".

On the topic of romance I have sadly not been in any relationships with a man in my preferred age range. I’ve only had very short lived and uninteresting relationships with people around my age. They only served as a proxy when I was particularly lonely.

Aww... It's unfortunate that our society doesn't make it easy for you, even though so, so many men would feel blessed to be in a romantic relationship with a smart and enthusiastic 14-year-old. Well, you're past the age of consent in many jurisdictions, at least...

One major downside of dating MAPs is that the erotic component of the relationship is likely to be temporary, although there are many ways in which you can prolong your attractiveness, especially if you have neotenous traits. In any case, the vast majority of us would want to stay close friends indefinitely after the physical part of the relationship is over.

I think being involved in activism would be lovely helping out people like me and the general maa and aam community would be great, if you have any advice on how I can get started on activism I would really appreciate it!

I started a thread on "Potential AAM Activism". The youth rights perspective focuses on such issues as age of consent reform (most of us here support at least lowering it to 12 with some additional protections for minors 12 to 15), legalization of "vanilla" pornography for teenagers (it is ludicrous to prohibit something that most teenagers now do, namely enjoying porn), liberalization of laws regarding self-produced erotic pictures & videos (teens getting indicted for sending naked pictures of themselves is absurd), or providing better sex & relationship advice from an earlier age (many MAPs here, myself included, believe that the key to reducing actual child sexual abuse is to teach children what it actually means to say "no"—and "yes").

Some preliminary reading I'd suggest includes:
1) Paedophilia: the Radical Case by Tom O'Carroll, which puts forward a proposition a bit more radical that what most of us support, but is nonetheless immensely insightful. The author's blog is great too.
2) Pretty much the entire NewgonWiki, starting with the Debate Guide and the Memes and Graphics sections.
3) Escape From Childhood: The Needs And Rights Of Children by John C. Holt, a seminal text in the youth rights movement which makes very radical proposals for social change. Any youth rights activist must understand and engage with what is perhaps the most "extreme" point of view on the matter.
4) Harmful To Minors: The Perils Of Protecting Children From Sex by Judith Levine.

[Jim Burton]

Just a careful mention of rule 2 and what it has to say about mentioning erotic manga comics by their name.

Please continue.